Rambling Rhodes: February 02, 2003 - February 08, 2003 Archives

February 07, 2003

Terror Alert System Not Working

Terror Alert System Not Working
Government Officials Labor To Make System More Terrifying to Americans

WASHINGTON D.C. (Rhodes Media Services) -- The American people showed a remarkable lack of concern following the Bush administration's elevation of the nation's terror alert to "orange" Friday afternoon, prompting many within the administration to wonder if enough is being done to adequately terrify U.S. citizens.

An apparently unconcerned American public went about their daily routines, largely unaffected by the news that America was on orange alert, the second highest level that calls for, among other things, additional precautions at public events. Still, citizens were seen milling around in crowded malls and walking around outside, apparently unaware that their lives were in desperate peril.

"Obviously, we're not doing a very good job at scaring the crap out of people, and I think we need to work on that," said Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge. "Initially, I thought the color orange was pretty spooky all by itself, kind of like a pumpkin, but I was apparently mistaken. It takes quite a bit to get Americans scared out of their minds, and we've got some ideas on how we can make the system a bowel-emptying adrenaline rush."

Among the ideas being explored, according to Ridge, is creating mascots for each terror alert level, not unlike the Smokey The Bear forest fire mascot. For example, the orange level mascot would be Anthrax Andy, an eight foot kangaroo in a bio suit, and red would be represented by Smallpox Samantha, a nine foot tall squirrel covered in seaping pustules. Additionally, each level will have its own unique theme music, consisting of 80 percent pipe organ.

"Now that's some scary shit," said Ridge. "When Americans see Anthrax Andy on television, and they hear eerie organ music in the background, I guarantee they'll flip out."

Posted by Ryan at 01:08 PM | Comments (0)

You've Got Mail First and

You've Got Mail

First and foremost, I have to get this off my chest. "You've got mail" is grammatically incorrect. If you remove the conjunction, it reads, "You have got mail." That's redundant, to say nothing of sloppy. Then again, I don't suppose AOL is going to pony up the dough to have that cheerful gentleman come back into the recording studio just to say, "You have mail." They should though.

I don't have AOL. I have Hotmail, otherwise known as "Annoying Mail." To have a Hotmail account is to take a filthy lukewarm bath in spam. I get over 10 spam mails each day, and it's just become routine for me to delete messages from "Wet Yvette." I'm sorry to hear about Yvette's liquid status, but that's the extent of my concern. Ah, but I'm not going to talk about spam mail. I've already analyzed that topic to death, and I'm still getting spammed, so it's pointless to bitch.

My gripe today is about forwards, the chain letters of the world wide web. I think it's safe to say that I've seen every forward ever forwarded, albeit in slightly tweaked form, 20 times each. I swear, for about a month about two years ago, I got the same "Ugly American" forward sent to me 30 times. It was attributed to everyone from George Carlin to the local television repairman.

And, although it totally cracked me up the first time, I think I got that "Every Time You Masturbate, God Kills a Kitten" thing about 80 times. By the eighth time, however, I had lost all sympathy for that cat. I wanted those creatures to catch that cat and violate it in whatever way big brown cushy monsters violate cats.

The point is, I'm tired of forwards. I don't look at forwards any more. I had to tell my girlfriend to stop sending me forwards or I'd break up with her, and I was only partially kidding.

I don't want to read another top ten list of anything. I don't want to read some piece of pseudo-inspirational tripe that has to be sent to ten other people immediately or my head will shrivel like a raisin and my penis will fall off. I don't want to read another piece of poorly written poetry about the horrors of drinking and driving. I know that drinking and driving is bad. I don't need a poem about some teenager named "Kathy" who hurtled through a windshield to make me understand that drinking and driving is bad. And I'm NOT going to send it on to 20 other people. Kathy's horrible tale dies in my inbox. Sorry Kathy. Get well soon.

Now, I understand that some people enjoy getting forwards, and they can't wait to wade through their inboxes and read through every single one of those irritating things, but I am not one of those people. I guess I would rather read original thoughts from friends and family, rather than regurgitated crap that has circled the globe a thousand times and has become so familiar, people in Tanzania can recite it verbatim.

I view forwards as tantamount to the boring relative who keeps telling the same stories over, and over, and over again. Forwards, I think, are a sort of friendship life support system for friendships that are hanging by a thread. Sure, you haven't talked to "Tony" in over three years, but you send him forwards all the time, so everything is good. In actuality, Tony is probably a lot like me, deleting the damned things without so much as a second glance. So, for the sake of world sanity, please stop sending forwards.

And, please, send this on to 20 people, or your hair will turn white and you'll grow breasts from your armpits and the only television station that comes in at your house will be the one featuring the Anna Nicole Show on a 24 hour loop.

Posted by Ryan at 11:10 AM | Comments (0)

February 06, 2003

The Road To War Last

The Road To War

Last night, I received an e-mail from a blog lurker who tried to tell me that impending war in Iraq was a moral evil, and that I was a Bush supporter who believes everything the government says. Now, I don't get many e-mails about my blog (most people use the comment engine if they have something to say), so I sat and stewed on this one for awhile.

Here's the deal: I haven't always been a supporter of the war, and I'm not a Bush supporter, and I certainly don't believe everything the government says. I voted against Bush in 2000, and I'll likely vote against him in '04. I don't think his tax cuts are doing any good, and I think he's too cozy with the wealthy and big business. His record thus far on the economy has been abysmal, despite all his Hoover-esque cheerleading. So no, I'm not a Bush supporter.

And I wasn't always a war supporter. Initially, when Bush started his push for war, I took the moral high ground and tried to defend my position. Unfortunately, a no war in Iraq stance is an indefensible position. Sure, it sounds great, to make peace, not war, but for war opponents, the argument stops there. They'll say that there has to be a peaceful alternative, but then they clam up and don't offer any such alternatives. Let the inspection process work, they'll say, but the inspection process has been in place for over a decade, and it has failed, miserably.

And yes, I'm fully aware that civilians die during wars, but the simple fact is that civilians die under Saddam's boot heel every day in Iraq. Is it somehow more morally acceptable to allow regimes to kill and terrorize their own? So long as it's not the U.S. doing the killing, that's fine? We didn't allow Milosevic to continue his ethnic cleansing, and it took missiles and bombs to stop him, and it was the right thing to do, and so is this.

I really don't care if there is or isn't a terrorist link to Iraq. That doesn't matter to me. As far as I'm concerned, Saddam Hussein is a terrorist in his own right. It's astounding to me that so many people don't seem to understand the danger this man poses if he has even one vial of anthrax. This is not a peaceful man we're talking about. This is a man who has known nothing but war throughout his reign. War with Iran. War with Kuwait. War with the world. And peace activists think Saddam can be reasoned with? Good God, people, get a clue. He came to power through ruthlessness and killing, and those have been his hallmarks ever since.

Saddam is working to produce chemical and biological, and possibly nuclear, weapons. And, no, the inspectors haven't found them, because, if you have a clandestine weapons operation going on in your country, you're going to do your damned best to keep any and all evidence carefully hidden. And that's exactly what he's doing. Oh, and I can assure you he's not developing toxins to inject into his wrinkles to make them go away. He wants the weapons so he can have a dangerous bargaining chip at his disposal. Seriously, once he has a nuclear weapon, or a sufficient supply of biological and chemical agents, everything else is academic. He wants them so he can use them. He tried the traditional warfare thing and got waxed. Now he's trying something else. It's all he knows, and he has to be disposed of.

Then there's the argument that removing Saddam will destabilize the Middle East. Something I've noticed lately is that the Middle East is about the most unstable theater on earth. What does it say when the most stable thing in the Middle East is Saddam Hussein? Good God. If that's stability, I'll pass. I won't deny that a power struggle will likely ensue once Saddam's oppression machine is dismantled. The Kurds, the Shiites and the Sunni are all going to want a share of the power, and they may fight to get it, but at least they won't be tinkering in the desert trying to figure out how to lob a smallpox Scud into Tel Aviv.

But, oh, that's right, this is a war for oil isn't it? Of course oil is a factor, but it's by far the smallest component of this impending conflict. Yes, booting Saddam will include the added benefit of having access to the world's second largest oil reserves, but on their way to the oil fields, U.S. soldiers will take the time to free thousands of dissident Iraqi prisoners who were previously doomed to torture and death. I'm sure they won't give a flip one way or the other if their freedom came partially due to oil. I imagine they'll just be glad to be alive. And free.

And, finally, we have those who demand U.N. backing before going to war. I'll tell you what, after watching the U.N. bicker and resolve, and resolve, and resolve to make resolutions to resolve resolutions resolving their intent to resolve a resolution of force against Iraq, I'm not entirely sure the U.N. is a viable body for determining world order, and I'll tell you why. Outside of the U.N. theater, countries make deals with other countries, just as France has financial interests in Iraq. So, now you have a tangled web of debts owed between countries that are in danger of being nullified in the event of a regime change. So, when it comes to war, the U.N. is hamstrung by countries that have a vested interest in not making war. France isn't threatening a veto because it's the humanitarian thing to do. They're threatening a veto because they want Iraq to pay up first. So no, I don't view U.N. backing as an imperative precondition for war in Iraq.

To the person who dropped me the e-mail last night, I hope this explains my position a little better. If not, I guess I really don't care.

Posted by Ryan at 11:09 AM | Comments (0)

February 05, 2003

Irrefutable Evidence Refuted Powell To

Irrefutable Evidence Refuted
Powell To War Critics: "Are You fucking Blind?!"

NEW YORK (Rhodes Media Services) -- Despite an exhaustive arsenal of declassified evidence presented by U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell detailing Iraqi non-compliance with U.N. Resolution 1441, including detailed satellite imagery and damning audiotapes, opponents of a U.S.-led war on Iraq continued their push for ongoing weapons inspections.

"I don't know what to do any more," said an exasperated Powell. "I mean, I can clearly see that the Iraqis are moving and hiding weapons they're not supposed to have in the first place. And here, right here, if I push play, I can hear Iraqi officials talking about hiding weapons they're not supposed to have. It's all so painfully obvious. And yet, they want more inspections?"

Then, unexpectedly, Powell turned to the U.N. Security Council and yelled, "Are you fucking blind?!"

France and Germany, two of the most outspoken opponents of an Iraq confrontation, looked past the new evidence, and Powell's outbust, and renewed their push towards additional inspections.

"Sure, the evidence is disturbing," said French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin. "But just because the U.S. has caught Iraq red-handed working to conceal weapons, there's no reason to be hasty. I'm certain that, if we let the inspectors just do their work, they'll accidentally stumble across Saddam's meticulously hidden weapons. I mean, the guy has to screw up sometime. Right?"

Not surprisingly, Iraq's U.N. representative, Mohammed al-Douri, claimed the new evidence was fabricated, and he assured the U.N. that Saddam Hussein was not hiding weapons.

"This is just outrageous," said al-Douri. "Saddam is a peaceful, fun-loving, wonderful leader. Right now, this very minute, he has teams of armed men watching over my family, making sure no harm comes to them. He is not the kind of man who works to produce weapons of mass destruction, and he most certainly doesn't hide them. Sure, we may load them up on trucks and drive them around where inspectors can't find them, but . . .oh, wait. I mean, if we had such weapons. Which we don't. I love Saddam!"

Powell sat alone for several minutes after the U.N. deliberation, going over and over the presentation he had given, wondering if he may have missed something that would have prompted the critics to, in his words, "get a fucking clue."

"More inspections?" said Powell. "More fucking inspections? If it were up to the French and the Germans, they'd call for years and years of inspections. Oh, wait, we've already had years and years of inspections. I just can't fucking believe this."

Archives

February 04, 2003

Michael Jackson Disposal Method Announced

Michael Jackson Disposal Method Announced
Controversial Approach Deemed Grisly, But Well Worth It

LONDON (Rhodes Media Services) -- In an astonishing announcement by Michael Jackson, the King of Pop revealed a method by which the world can rid itself of the bizarre celebrity that is The Gloved One.

"If there were no children on this earth, if someone announced all kids were dead, I would jump off the balcony immediately." said Jackson in an interview with a British documentary maker.

The surprising admission sent ripples of excitement throughout the world as people from all countries weighed the pros and cons inherent in such a drastic Jackson removal method.

"I really don't know what to think," said Jose Nicaragua, 48, of Nicaragua. "I mean, sure, a world without children, and all the child killing that would be required, would be traumatic and probably pretty nasty. But, really, if that's what it takes to get Michael Jackson to jump off a balcony, I think it's a sacrifice the world should consider."

Although the logistics involved in ridding the world of children are indeed daunting, particularly the extermination of Jackson's own three offspring, experts say the specter of living on the same planet with Michael Jackson for years to come is exponentially more difficult and traumatic to imagine.

"Children, or Michael Jackson? Children, or Michael Jackson? Boy, that's a toughy," said Jack McGuire, 37, of San Francisco. "Are we talking just the young children, like five years and younger, or all children? This really requires some serious thought."

Others pointed out that child killing maybe wasn't even required.

"Well, Jackson did say that it only required that somebody 'announce' that all children are dead," said Emily Masters, 24, of Rhode Island. "That's a major loophole there. Surely we can find someone who can simply announce that all children are dead. Hell, I'll do it. No more Michael Jackson? Man, I'd announce it for a year with a payoff like that."

Not to be confused with the Anna Nicole Smith disposal method. liberal.com/hcpgr/anna_nicole_smith_curvy.jpg">Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith.

Posted by Ryan at 04:42 PM | Comments (0)

Writer's Block Can Get Me

Writer's Block Can Get Me So Drunk Sometimes

Last night, I was determined to write my weekly newspaper column, even though I had no idea what the hell I was going to write about. Sometimes, a good humorous angle is a MSNBC headline away, and sometimes it's simply a matter of mining my own experiences for a funny anecdote. Other times, however, coming up with a topic is the literary equivalent of pulling an elephant's tooth. Last night was such a tooth-pulling ordeal.

I started out dabbling in three different ideas, none of them much good. I just couln't conjure anything funny about anything. So, I turned to the liquor cabinet, thinking I could find creativity in a mixture of Philips vodka and 7-Up. As is often the case when I turn to liquid inspiration, I found myself doing everything except writing, which is one reason why I don't drink while writing very often.

For example, I decided that last night would be a good time to familiarize myself with my new computer and download updates for my assorted hardware components. A funny thing about downloading software while drinking: you end up doing more damage than you think is possible. I downloaded updates for my optical mouse, only to discover my mouse refused to work at all. This vexed me to no end, so I poured myself another concoction. I ended up plugging my mouse into a USB port rather than its standard mouse outlet. The setup looks pretty bad, and the cord now gets in my way, but at least my mouse works.

With my mouse working, I tried to focus once again on writing, but by that time I had enough alcohol swimming in my system that I thought everything I wrote was the funniest shit ever, and that's never a good sign. I revisited my work this morning and I wanted to tear my eyes out, refusing to believe that I was capable of such crap. I won't go into great detail here, but at one point I used the word "booger" and in parantheses I had written, in all caps, "THAT'S FUNNY!" *groan*

Thankfully, I gave up on writing at about 11 p.m. and started playing Jedi Outcast. You want funny? Steer a guy with three vodka 7s in his system toward a computer game consisting of labyrinthine puzzles. I think I spent the better part of an hour going around in a circle, getting more and more pissed, and piss drunk, as I went.

Finally, my body directed me to bed at 12:30 a.m., and I think I was asleep in less than a minute. Levels completed on Jedi Outcast? None. Stupid stuff I downloaded to make my computer run better but probably just screwed up? Afraid to look. Total amount of quality writing completed? None.

I'm thinking the liquor cabinet will now be ignored for many, many moons.

Posted by Ryan at 12:37 PM | Comments (1)

February 03, 2003

Lost In The Translation It's

Lost In The Translation

It's a considerable trick to view Arabic Web pages in English. Give the huge amount of media play the Qatar-based al Jazeera television network gets, I was curious to see if they had a Web page. They do, but it's entirely in Arabic, and I was surprised at how surprised I was to learn this. Duh, Ryan. Duh.

But, I was determined to view the stupid page in English, so I sought a translation engine, which works fairly well, I suppose, although I guess it could be totally lying to me. I mean, really, I have no idea if it's genuinely translating anything or just giving me a whole bunch of false crap. Regardless, I'm taking the translation as legitimate.

Topping the al Jazeera headlines today is Russian stance toward Iraq retreated. ElBaradei: World's patience about to run out on Iraq

Russian stance retreated? I can see that from the French, maybe, but certainly not the Russians. Obviously, this is simply a matter of translation, but it gets oh so much better.

International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) Director general Mohamed ElBaradei said the would began losing patience toward Iraq, and Baghdad has to present more cooperation with the UN weapons inspectors.

And added, the all agrees that Iraq has to show more cooperation, indicating that he and Hans Blix, chief of United Nations Monitoring, Verification and Inspection Commission, would convey this message to Iraqis at their arrival the Iraqi capital next Saturday. ElBaradei added "We expect a relief in chemical and biological weapons and missiles. We may not accomplish the mission completely early next week, but we hope to achieve a relief"

Got that? Clear as mud? Good. I think it would be fun to try going through my day talking with people as if I were translating myself from Arabic. "Good morning," would become, "The day's beginning, the time when sun starts on horizon, is a decent one."

On his part, British Prime Minister Tony Blair confirmed that the proofs indicating that Iraq falls behind cooperating with the UN weapons inspectors are "no smoking", and said the operation of disarming the Iraqi nontraditional weapons hits its final stage.

The proofs are no smoking? Ooooookaaaayyy. I like the line, "nontraditional weapons." And here we've been foolishly calling them "weapons of mass destruction." They're not weapons of mass destruction, they're simply non-traditional. They eschew the traditional killing power of other weapons.

British Prime Minister considered that Iraq failed in cooperating completely with the inspectors, "and was and still in a material breach". According to Blair, Baghdad did not answer the questions on the destiny of thousands of weapons and missile warheads that were supposedly declared, in addition to secret documents, which were discovered at an Iraqi scientist's home.

The destiny of weapons and missile warheads? I know, I know. This is all just a silly case of poor translation, but that still strikes me as damned funny. I keep thinking about the movie "Back to the Future" when Marty's dad, as a teenager, tries to woo his future wife with the line, "I am your density." Was he speaking Arabic?

Maybe someday I'll get to reading the riveting al Jazeera article: Blair and Bush Discussed the Second Resolution Form, the War Plan Details They're not known for crisp, concise headlines over there at al Jazeera.

Posted by Ryan at 05:11 PM | Comments (6)

The Columbia Astronauts I spent

The Columbia Astronauts

I spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about the Columbia astronauts and their ultimate sacrifice. I thought about them as I surfed the Web. I thought about them as I flipped mindlessly through the channels. And I thought about them as I went running in the cool waning Minnesota daylight.

I didn't know the astronauts; I never met any of them. Still, I think I can postulate a bit about who they were even without actually having shaken their hands or dined with them.

They were brave.

I know, I know. Of course they were brave. But, really, that word, brave, really doesn't do them justice. Neither does "courageous." There's really no word to aptly describe someone who totally and completely puts their trust into the engineers, and scientists, and the janitors that sweep the ground control floor, to catapult them into space and bring them safely down again. They didn't think of themselves as special. They knew that anything they accomplished would be the collective result of countless individuals working together on a common mission. Imagine if your daily commute required you to strap yourself atop tons upon tons of solid rocket fuel kept in check by nothing more than human ingenuity. Imagine that, once you arrived at work, you'd be expected to ignore the fact that, outside, beyond not much more than a dime width of metal, was the most inhospitable environment known to man. That's not bravery. That's not courage. That's just incredible.

They were dreamers.

These were people who looked up at the stars and said nothing less than, "I want that." They looked at the moon, not as a nightly curiousity, but as a destination. They epitomized the human quest for exploration. As children, they were no doubt the toddlers who strayed beyond their parents' vision with maddening regularity, simply because they wanted to go a little further than mom and dad would allow. These were people who questioned boundaries. These were people who didn't understand the concept of the word "impossible."

They were ambassadors.

Space doesn't have borders. It doesn't have sanctions. It doesn't have elected officials. Space is inhosbitable, yes, but on the other extreme it's arguably the most beautiful and serene frontier within human grasp, and we send people to learn about it, and to experience it. Granted, others have gone before them, and others will follow, but the lost seven Columbia astronauts were unique ambassadors to space in their own right. They all brought something genuinely human to a realm that has only known humanity for less than half a century. I imagine it's a tough diplomatic assignment to shake hands with infinity.

They were human beings.

A lot has been made out of the fact that one of the seven astronauts was an Israeli, Ilan Ramon, the first ever from his nation to leave earth's embrace. But, really, like Yuri Gagarin and Allen Shepherd before him, I imagine there was a time during his mission, perhaps during take-off, perhaps during descent, that his nationality was eclipsed by his humanity, a flashing moment of epiphany when he realized just how human he was. All astronauts who make it to outer space must look out the window at earth spinning below and wonder at the experience of being human. Not American. Not Israeli. Not Indian. But human. Purely human, with all the dreams and aspirations and fears and frailty that come with being human. For that, even despite their loss, I envy them.

And I mourn them.

Posted by Ryan at 11:30 AM | Comments (1)

February 02, 2003

A Weekend for Common People

A Weekend for Common People

This weekend, I enjoyed what Melissa called "Ryan's Weekend." I'm not sure what prompted the special attention, and I'm not going to question it. Suffice it to say, it involved a whole bunch of me getting to do whatever I wanted and, if you know me at all, you've already guessed that my weekend consisted of a whole bunch of sleep.

It's funny, but Mel and I joke all the time that our relationship can be summed up as "eating, sex, and sleep," a summation that belies a relationsnip that really entails a lot more, even though, yes, a considerable amount of our time together is spent doing one of the three. I should note here that I am in no way complaining.

Some of the other things we did this weekend included taking in the snow sculptures at the St. Paul Winter Park Snow Carnival. Unfortunately, a few days of above freezing temperatures turned the field of snow sculptures into a vast gallery of Venus Di Milo derivatives. Some of the sturdier specimens retained their shape, although the obligatory Sponge Bob Square Pants sculpture hadn't weathered the weather all that well.

Strangely, the carnival included a snow shoe walking field, which seemed ridiculous considering the snow this year, at its deepest point, is maybe two inches. Still, people were happily strapping on snow shoes and trudging across snow that barely concealed the grass beneath. Another unfortunate aside, Mel and I didn't bring much money along, and we were disheartened to discover that my beloved mini doughnuts cost $3 a bag, and we only had $2 between us. *sigh*

Saturday night, Mel treated me to an entertaining bit of theater at the Children's Theater. We were both quick to note that we were the only couple present without children, a fact we readily agreed was in no way a problem, and we gave each other a quick high five. I have to admit, I had my reservations about attending the Children's Theater performance of Once Upon a Forest, but I was hooked, absolutely hooked, within the first five minutes. There I was, a 27 year old male, enthralled by a performance geared toward children. For children, it had to be completely magical. If you live in the Twin Cities, go see this. I can't pimp it enough. Wonderful.

Just prior to entering the theater, Mel decided to make a bathroom run, and she came back shaking her head. Apparently, as she was waiting in line, she overheard a gaggle of well-to-do mothers talking about a new Target store that went up somewhere in the cities. One of the mothers quipped, "Target: fashion for common people," and the other women twittered and giggled and no doubt raised a tea cup later that evening with their pinkies raised.

Don't get me wrong. One of my great aspiration in life is to become so incredibly filthy rich, I'll never have to work again, and that I'll have a huge house that comes complete with a bed that can travel from the bedroom to the kitchen on special tracks. But, I'll tell you what, I sincerely hope I am strong enough to remember, each and every day, that wealth in no way makes me somehow better than someone else. I already have an ego that does that for me.

Okay, in all seriousness, those "hoighty toighty" folks, as Melissa calls them, are so sickening. They believe that, since they have money and some semblance of social standing, they stand head and shoulders over the people who serve them their five star dinners. I'd like to beat them over the head and torso with a Plebian hammer.

Speaking of five star dinners, Mel and I took a tour of downtown Minneapolis after the show and, despite its intimidating exterior, took a chance at a cajun restaurant called Copelands. Oh. My. God. This food was unbelievable, and unbelievably reasonable in price. It was a little packed (this place puts chairs and tables in every possible spot of barren floor), but the service was good and I still drool like Pavlov's dog whenever I think of the dish I had but can't remember the name of.

So, "Ryan's Weekend" was a smashing success.

And then I came home and heard about the Shuttle Columbia, and my mood has been subdued ever since. What a tragedy. As if we needed another one.

Rambling Rhodes