February 04, 2003

Michael Jackson Disposal Method Announced

Michael Jackson Disposal Method Announced
Controversial Approach Deemed Grisly, But Well Worth It

LONDON (Rhodes Media Services) -- In an astonishing announcement by Michael Jackson, the King of Pop revealed a method by which the world can rid itself of the bizarre celebrity that is The Gloved One.

"If there were no children on this earth, if someone announced all kids were dead, I would jump off the balcony immediately." said Jackson in an interview with a British documentary maker.

The surprising admission sent ripples of excitement throughout the world as people from all countries weighed the pros and cons inherent in such a drastic Jackson removal method.

"I really don't know what to think," said Jose Nicaragua, 48, of Nicaragua. "I mean, sure, a world without children, and all the child killing that would be required, would be traumatic and probably pretty nasty. But, really, if that's what it takes to get Michael Jackson to jump off a balcony, I think it's a sacrifice the world should consider."

Although the logistics involved in ridding the world of children are indeed daunting, particularly the extermination of Jackson's own three offspring, experts say the specter of living on the same planet with Michael Jackson for years to come is exponentially more difficult and traumatic to imagine.

"Children, or Michael Jackson? Children, or Michael Jackson? Boy, that's a toughy," said Jack McGuire, 37, of San Francisco. "Are we talking just the young children, like five years and younger, or all children? This really requires some serious thought."

Others pointed out that child killing maybe wasn't even required.

"Well, Jackson did say that it only required that somebody 'announce' that all children are dead," said Emily Masters, 24, of Rhode Island. "That's a major loophole there. Surely we can find someone who can simply announce that all children are dead. Hell, I'll do it. No more Michael Jackson? Man, I'd announce it for a year with a payoff like that."

Not to be confused with the Anna Nicole Smith disposal method. liberal.com/hcpgr/anna_nicole_smith_curvy.jpg">Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith. Anna Nicole Smith.

Posted by Ryan at February 4, 2003 04:42 PM
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