Rambling Rhodes

Writer's Block Can Get Me

Writer's Block Can Get Me So Drunk Sometimes

Last night, I was determined to write my weekly newspaper column, even though I had no idea what the hell I was going to write about. Sometimes, a good humorous angle is a MSNBC headline away, and sometimes it's simply a matter of mining my own experiences for a funny anecdote. Other times, however, coming up with a topic is the literary equivalent of pulling an elephant's tooth. Last night was such a tooth-pulling ordeal.

I started out dabbling in three different ideas, none of them much good. I just couln't conjure anything funny about anything. So, I turned to the liquor cabinet, thinking I could find creativity in a mixture of Philips vodka and 7-Up. As is often the case when I turn to liquid inspiration, I found myself doing everything except writing, which is one reason why I don't drink while writing very often.

For example, I decided that last night would be a good time to familiarize myself with my new computer and download updates for my assorted hardware components. A funny thing about downloading software while drinking: you end up doing more damage than you think is possible. I downloaded updates for my optical mouse, only to discover my mouse refused to work at all. This vexed me to no end, so I poured myself another concoction. I ended up plugging my mouse into a USB port rather than its standard mouse outlet. The setup looks pretty bad, and the cord now gets in my way, but at least my mouse works.

With my mouse working, I tried to focus once again on writing, but by that time I had enough alcohol swimming in my system that I thought everything I wrote was the funniest shit ever, and that's never a good sign. I revisited my work this morning and I wanted to tear my eyes out, refusing to believe that I was capable of such crap. I won't go into great detail here, but at one point I used the word "booger" and in parantheses I had written, in all caps, "THAT'S FUNNY!" *groan*

Thankfully, I gave up on writing at about 11 p.m. and started playing Jedi Outcast. You want funny? Steer a guy with three vodka 7s in his system toward a computer game consisting of labyrinthine puzzles. I think I spent the better part of an hour going around in a circle, getting more and more pissed, and piss drunk, as I went.

Finally, my body directed me to bed at 12:30 a.m., and I think I was asleep in less than a minute. Levels completed on Jedi Outcast? None. Stupid stuff I downloaded to make my computer run better but probably just screwed up? Afraid to look. Total amount of quality writing completed? None.

I'm thinking the liquor cabinet will now be ignored for many, many moons.

Posted by Ryan at February 4, 2003 12:37 PM