Rambling Rhodes

Irrefutable Evidence Refuted Powell To

Irrefutable Evidence Refuted
Powell To War Critics: "Are You fucking Blind?!"

NEW YORK (Rhodes Media Services) -- Despite an exhaustive arsenal of declassified evidence presented by U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell detailing Iraqi non-compliance with U.N. Resolution 1441, including detailed satellite imagery and damning audiotapes, opponents of a U.S.-led war on Iraq continued their push for ongoing weapons inspections.

"I don't know what to do any more," said an exasperated Powell. "I mean, I can clearly see that the Iraqis are moving and hiding weapons they're not supposed to have in the first place. And here, right here, if I push play, I can hear Iraqi officials talking about hiding weapons they're not supposed to have. It's all so painfully obvious. And yet, they want more inspections?"

Then, unexpectedly, Powell turned to the U.N. Security Council and yelled, "Are you fucking blind?!"

France and Germany, two of the most outspoken opponents of an Iraq confrontation, looked past the new evidence, and Powell's outbust, and renewed their push towards additional inspections.

"Sure, the evidence is disturbing," said French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin. "But just because the U.S. has caught Iraq red-handed working to conceal weapons, there's no reason to be hasty. I'm certain that, if we let the inspectors just do their work, they'll accidentally stumble across Saddam's meticulously hidden weapons. I mean, the guy has to screw up sometime. Right?"

Not surprisingly, Iraq's U.N. representative, Mohammed al-Douri, claimed the new evidence was fabricated, and he assured the U.N. that Saddam Hussein was not hiding weapons.

"This is just outrageous," said al-Douri. "Saddam is a peaceful, fun-loving, wonderful leader. Right now, this very minute, he has teams of armed men watching over my family, making sure no harm comes to them. He is not the kind of man who works to produce weapons of mass destruction, and he most certainly doesn't hide them. Sure, we may load them up on trucks and drive them around where inspectors can't find them, but . . .oh, wait. I mean, if we had such weapons. Which we don't. I love Saddam!"

Powell sat alone for several minutes after the U.N. deliberation, going over and over the presentation he had given, wondering if he may have missed something that would have prompted the critics to, in his words, "get a fucking clue."

"More inspections?" said Powell. "More fucking inspections? If it were up to the French and the Germans, they'd call for years and years of inspections. Oh, wait, we've already had years and years of inspections. I just can't fucking believe this."

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