I happened to catch the overly-dramatized, but-still-okay-movie "Cold Mountain" last night on cable (okay, my girlfriend wouldn't let me change channels). And one observation trumped all others in my mind:
That baby of Natalie Portman's. . .
Was that not the most gi-normous, huge, crazily-massive baby ever to grace the cinematic screen?
I mean, that baby was as big as Portman! When she said "He hasn't been eating," I was left thinking, "well of course not! He should be out doing chores!"
Seriously. Biggest. Baby. EvAr!
Ryan says: And, where the hell is Nick Coleman lately?
Caroline says: Is he MIA?
Ryan says: Hasn't had a "column" in over a week.
Caroline says: maybe he's on vacation from "work"
Ryan says: Giving his "brain" a rest.
Caroline says: Or maybe he's out "learning more stuff."
Ryan says: So as to better augment his "talent."
Caroline says: To work "hard" for the money.
UPDATE: Via Mitch Berg, I learned that Nick is on vacation following the birth of his child. So, not to worry Nick Coleman fans. Nick's alive and well. And breeding.
This is something that annoys me, so I figured I'd throw it out there for discussion. So, I'm reading this story in the Star-Tribune, and I immediately get bogged down by the headline:
Investigators blast Mayo accounting practices
Now, I see this a lot, particularly when the media reports on Democrats criticizing Republicans or vice versa, but also in cases like this one. My question is, why the hell do they opt for the word "blast?" They also use the term "bash" with regularity.
I mean, maybe it's just me, but the word "blast" conjures images of, you know, explosions and shit, or maybe a party that is just super-duper kick ass. If somebody is actually blasting someone else, there better be blood and bone fragments and loose teeth. A person blasting another person sounds suspiciously like someone got run down by a shotgun-weilding maniac.
But, according to news stories like this one, "blasting" means investigators saying they've:
"never seen an accounting system with such basic failures,''
That's not a blast. That's not even a severe tongue lashing. Face it, it's insulting to the very word "blast." I think the media needs a better word here. "Blast" and "Bash" should be reserved for stories in which somebody actually gets blasted or bashed, as in "The accused assaillant reportedly bashed the victim's head in with a lead pipe, and then blasted them with a 12-gauge."
Any thoughts? What would be a good word to use in these cases other than blast or bash? Keep in mind, the media likes "bash" and "blast" because they're short and fit well in headlines, but also because it gives the impression of conflict, which of course sells. So, something other than "bash" or "blast" Discuss. I'll be over here at my desk, having a blast bashing on my keyboard.
Foreign fighters make up a small percentage of those involved in the insurgency. Most insurgents are Sunni Iraqis, former Iraqi soldiers and those still loyal to Saddam Hussein. But the foreign terrorists, radicalized by the war, are responsible for most of the suicide bombings that are killing Iraqis in such great numbers. The few senior Al-Qaida leaders operating in Iraq are using these young, ardent Sunni "martyrs" to great effect -- to kill as many "infidels" and Shiite Muslims, their traditional enemy, as they can.
That will likely continue so long as American and other occupying forces remain in Iraq, and will probably taper off with their departure. Ending the occupation sooner rather than later would be wise, and might herald the kind of progress so many ache for in Iraq.
Emphasis mine.
Reading this post and the comments, I'm reminded of this silly thing I wrote way back when:
Bush Picks Nose; Dems Vow To Fight Appointment
Conservative Bias Seen In Gelatinous Nasal Discharge
WASHINGTON D.C. (Rhodes Media Services) -- President Bush today hand-picked a new mass of semi-hardened mucus matter, commonly referred to as "a booger," from his nose but, no sooner had the golden nugget been exposed to the outside air, then Democrats vowed to fight the president's latest pick for "whatever post it may be up for."
"Obviously, anyone or anything picked by this administration will be rife with conservative ideals," said Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY). "Given the Democrats' tenuous position in Congress following the election, we have to make sure that anything Bush picks will be met with staunch resistence: that includes people, and that includes boogers."
President Bush was apparently taken completely by surprise by the onslaught against his latest pick, which he had intended only to "wipe on his pant leg," or possibly, in his words, "roll it around back and forth between my thumb and forefinger during an important call with some head of state or something."
For its part, the booger seemed unaffected by the harsh spotlight being shined upon it. Instead, it sat silently on the President's desk in the Oval Office, where it was eventually removed by the White House janitorial staff.
I lurk around political blogs, both Right and Left, and I particularly prefer those blogs that actually have the cajones to maintain comment engines.
I realize that some blogs can get to be so popular, they simply can't maintain comment threads because the crazies on both sides come out in full force. But, political blogs with less traffic can still support comment engines without having them totally inundated with hate from both sides.
Something I've noticed though, is that the term "Troll" has undergone a transmogrification. There was a time not so long ago when a "Troll" was a commenter to a political blog who would drop an opinion counter to the prevailing opinion of the other comments and the post itself. The opinion typically would be poorly considered, usually include an insult, and the commenter was almost always "Anonymous." These people, rightly, were labeled "Trolls," ugly little creatures lurking under a bridge until the right moment to leap up and make a nasty little scene. A "Troll" commenter typically made one comment and one comment only, after which they'd disappear and the other commenters would rip apart the troll's comment for the next 50 comments or so.
Nowadays, I've noticed that the term "Troll" is applied to basically any commenter to a political blog who offers up any differing opinion, no matter how thought out, no matter how considered, and no matter if the commenter uses a name other than "Anonymous."
Again, I see this happening more and more on both the Right and Left. I'm wondering if anybody else has noticed this trend.
I mean, if you can't offer up debate on a political blog without simply being dismissed as a troll, what's the point of political discussion at all? To preach to the choir? What fun is that? What value is that?
Ryan says: I just let the hottest, most sour-smelling fart I think I've ever released.
Caroline says: What will Neil do?
Ryan says: I had to break out the black marker and start scribbling to try and mask the odor from Neil.
Caroline says: Niiice
Ryan says: Sweet Lord, it was so powerful, it felt like it actually had sides.
Caroline says: heeeeeeeeeee
Caroline says: That is disgusting.
Ryan says: Unreal, even by my standards.
Caroline says: Wow, that's bad.
Caroline says: What did you eat?
Ryan says: I think it was the leftover India Garden food from last night.
Caroline says: that'll do it
Ryan says: It had a certain Chicken Korma tinge to it.
Caroline says: chicken korma, incoming!
Ryan says: Bad Korma Karma.
Ryan says: http://jobsearch.monster.com/getjob.asp?JobID=32054407&WT.mc_n=MKT000125
Caroline says: WHat's Utne?
Ryan says: Pretty much a general interest magazine.
Ryan says: http://www.utne.com/
Caroline says: It's a guy's last name!
Ryan says: Executive editor doesn't sound like my thing, but I thought you'd be interested.
Caroline says: Rhodes Reader---the possibilities are endless.
Caroline says: Thanks for passing that along. I'm going to apply.
Ryan says: Rhodes Reader sounds like some sort of reading aid for slow learners.
Caroline says: Well, there's your angle.
Ryan says: "My son, Timmy, couldn't keep up with the rest of his first grade class, but Rhodes Reader helped him catch up with the slowest fifth percent. Thanks Rhodes Reader!"
UPDATE!!!!
Caroline says: do you happen to have a Sept. MF folio?
Ryan says: It's back under construction due to the Buyer's Guide. Why?
Caroline says: I'll just need one eventually
Caroline says: whenever they have a final one
Ryan says: I'll be sure to update you once Jonathan gets it figured out.
Caroline says: awesome
Caroline says: I can't friggin' wait.
Ryan says: Don't be so negative.
Caroline says: That's not negative.
Caroline says: I mean it.
Caroline says: I can't friggin' wait.
Caroline says: yaaaay, folio
Ryan says: You'll be gettin' friggy with it?
Caroline says: na na na na na na na
Caroline says: ree roo ree roo
Ryan says: Ree roo. . . nevermind.
Caroline says: Gotcha
Ryan says: It all comes back to ree roo.
Caroline says: There's a Chapter Ree Roo in the Rhodes Reader.
Caroline says: subhead: Cats that don't answer
Ryan says: The Rhodes Reader is one of the most confusing books in the world.
Caroline says: In fact, you need a Rhodes Reader to decipher most of what's in the Rhodes Reader.
Ryan says: You can actually feel yourself getting dumber while reading the Rhodes Reader.
Caroline says: So dumb you start drinking beer and playing trivia.
Caroline says: Then we have a magazine for YOU!
Ryan says: Yeah, in order to understand Beer -N- Trivia Monthly, you must first read the Rhodes Reader, and before that you have to read the Rhodes Reader's Guide to the Rhodes Reader.
Ryan says: It's a fucking gold mine for me.
It has been dry here in Minnesota. For roughly 216 straight days--to hear some local news outlets tell it--we endured 90+ degree weather with nary a cloud to be seen, to say nothing of clouds pent up with watery goodness.
weather like this had not been experienced since 1989, according to some Minnesota weather historians/nut-cases/people-with-too-much-time-on-their-hands. Some people on the more hysterical fringe insist that weather like this hadn't been experienced for over 4.3 billion years, when the earth was a molten ball of soupy hot rock.
A drought, some would say. A dry spell, would say others. Myself, I liked to think of it as just fucking hot out.
The result of this perpetually baking weather was a lawn cooked to a fine brown crustiness. Even the dandelions, which can live on Pluto if they managed to take root, were finding existence to be exceedingly difficult. Day in and day out, for many, many straight days, the sun beat down upon my lawn and leeched out any semblance of moisture from grass and weeds alike.
And I really didn't care much, which must have driven the neighbors insane.
My lawn was pretty much the only lawn in the neighborhood that never saw even the hint of a sprinkler during the two week sun offensive. Whereas pretty much every other lawn had water sprinklers sending out their fanning, life-giving water spouts, I stubbornly opted to use my water for drinking purposes only.
The end result, of course, is that my lawn is an oasis of dead grass amongst a sea of green lushness, and I've seen more than a few neighbors standing outside, pointing at my cooked, dead lawn in obvious disdain.
Thing is, I don't care if they're disgusted. Watering a lawn has always struck me as an entirely wasteful thing to do. I understand the appeal of a soft, squishy green lawn, but beyond the coolness under the feet, it's always seemed like more of a competition between neighbors to see who can out-green the other, and I simply refuse to take part. You want to compete with me about something, I suggest paintball, not lawn care.
It finally rained last night, so maybe some part of my lawn will be rejuvenated as a result, but generally I don't care one way or another. Last year, the weather was so freakin' cool and wet all season long, I was mowing practially every three days.
This hot spell, as hot and uncomfortalbe as it was, was a mowing reprieve, and if you've experienced the joy of mowing my hill-laden lawn, you know damned well I'm not going to encourage grass growth by watering the damned lawn.
Hell, I'm considering tilling it all up and sowing the soil with salt. Then the neighbors would REALLY freak.
