Rambling Rhodes

Turkey Day Hiatus

Posting has been light because of the Turkey Day holiday, obviously. Over the last three days I've traversed over 600 miles of Minnesota's terrain. Funny how it seemed so much more interesting when I was a kid. Now, it just hurts my back to sit that long, and frozen lakes hold far less fascination for me.

Holiday Spirit

Ryan says: This made me laugh. Mel was retrieving Thanksgiving decorations from storage in the basement, and about 30 percent of them were splashed in cat vomit.

Caroline says: Splashed!

Caroline says: That's hilarious.

Ryan says: Because Mel stored them underneath the stairs, and the cats tend to lay on the stairs and just hurl sick from up high when the urge so grabs them.

Caroline says: Hurl sick!

Caroline says: Stop, you're killing me.

Ryan says: "Hurl Sick From Up High" is a song just waiting to be made.

Caroline says: It can be sung to the tune of "Angels We Have Heard On High."

Ryan says: "Sick Cats Have Hurled on High"

Caroline says: "splashing vomit o'er the stairs"

Just a hunch

Keep in mind, the following is drawn from the thin air of my own speculation, but I'm thinking one of the reasons newspapers and similar media arms are circling the drain or completely in the shitter is because people are now so much more attuned to media hype that they read most headlines and just roll their eyes. I base this observation mostly on the fact I read most headlines and just roll my eyes. Maybe it's because I'm in my 30s?

Hindsight

Ten years from now, scholars will look back at the phenomenon of Internet commenting and, with their collective best Krusty the Clown voice, will say:

"What were they on?!"

Illuminating

Ryan says: Here's a great headline for you:

Ryan says: "Scientists shed light on causes of epilepsy."

Caroline says: Ironical!

Ryan says: Maybe, you know, "shed light" wasn't the best turn of phrase.

Totally Awesome

A pigeon just flew into the window right in front of me, and then fell 19 stories, presumably to its death. Coolest. Monday. EVAR.

Already with the Malaise?

Couldn't he at least have waited until he was in his first hundred days for crap like this?

Only a few years too late

*sigh*

My ThunderJournal is currently being comment spammed by some outfit touting a certain hotel chain trust fund skank who has a sex tape online. If you can't be current with your spam, dude, just give it up.

My flexibility. Let me show you it.

UPDATE: It has been insinuated this image has been PhotoShopped. I can assure you it has not been re-touched in any way. This was taken back in July at a friend's cabin up North. There were witnesses. This is one of my creepy, but entirely useless human tricks. I can also still put my feet behind my head, although it's not nearly as easy to do that as it used to be.

ANOTHER UPDATE: Okay, so there's apparently lingering doubt about my actual ability to "walk backwards." I don't know if this will sway the doubters, but the wife snapped this today.

Geodes Take on Sex and Candy

Have you had your multi-fisk yet today?

Once again, Nick Coleman has been multi-fisked. We didn't even have the God-damned courtesty to give him a reach-around.

My LOL Face

I'm not going to link the Fark thread where I found this, for my own reasons. But, trust me, if you find it for yourself, I think you'll agree it's one of the funniest damned Fark threads in ages.

Hype, hype, hyperdrive

My Geode Twin, Caroline, recently asked me what was up with all the hype surrounding the movie "Twilight." I have to admit, until she mentioned it, I didn't even really think that much about it. But, of course, once she put the bug in my ear, I simply HAD to look into it. So, I went to IMDB.com and looked it up, and was confronted with a one sentence description that literally had me LOL'ing, to the point I had to find a secluded spot to quell the guffaws.

According to IMDB:

A teenage girl risks everything when she falls in love with a vampire.

That's right; falling in love with a vampire is now a high risk endeavor. And it used to be so innocent and quirky to fall in love with a vampire, before AIDS came along and ruined the whole living/undead coupling thing.

But, I'll just let Caroline and myself do the rest of the tearing down of this almost-certain box office bomb:

Ryan says: I just LOL'ed so hard, I had to leave my cubicle.

Caroline says: At what?

Ryan says: At the one sentence teaser IMDB gives for "Twilight."

Ryan says: "A teenage girl risks everything when she falls in love with a vampire."

Ryan says: Really? That's not a low-risk venture?

Caroline says: I bet her license plate is VAMPLUV

Ryan says: BLDSCKR.

Caroline says: BATTY

Ryan says: Honest to God, with a tagline like "A teenage girl risks everything when she falls in love with a vampire," you know all the hype is just intended to mask what is sure to be a Grade A cinematic stinker.

Caroline says: Twilight: This movie bites!

Ryan says: Twilight: This movie sucks so hard!

AWESOME!

Er, I mean. . . meh.

Congrats, yo

I didn't know they were even promoted, but this is cool.

Mark my words

If the holiday sales are down this year, as predicted, I'm willing to bet good money there will be talk of a "federal retail bailout."

I'm just waiting on a bailout of the bailout industry.

Zuning the Geode

As always, click for a larger version.

Most Unexpected IM Conversation Ever

Jody says: do you poop on the toilet seat at work?

Ryan says: No, I try to get all the poop in the bowl.

Ryan says: Occasional accidents notwithstanding.

Jody says: but do you clean up the aftermath when you have an accident?

Ryan says: Okay, do I want to know what prompted this discussion in the first place?

Jody says: the guys I work with...heavy drinkers that shit everywhere the next day

Jody says: and I have to SIT whenever I go so i'm screwed

Ryan says: So, like, actual chucks of shit, or just splatter?

Jody says: splatter

Jody says: chucks of shit?

Ryan says: Gorillas chuck shit. I meant "chunks."

Jody says: i know

Jody says: on both counts

Jody says: gorillas also chew it

Ryan says: I know. We were both there to witness the gorilla chewing its flourescent poop. I can still hear my brother gagging to the point of vomit.

Jody says: and you and I laughing hysterically

Jody says: and that damn song you sang after....

Ryan says: But, to answer your initial question: I don't think I've ever splattered the toilet seat at work. At least not on the top of the seat. I never really check the bottom when I'm done.

Jody says: i could care less about the bottom of the seat

Ryan says: I'm deeply sorry that it's a chronic enough problem for you that you actually asked me about it.

Jody says: well, you are a guy

Jody says: and its a guy thing

Ryan says: You telling me girls don't splatter?

Jody says: there are no girls here... and i can't remember a time that i've walked in a public womens restroom and seen splatter on the TOP of the seat

Jody says: not to say it doesn't happen...just happens frequently in the men's room

Ryan says: How do they get splatter on TOP? Aren't they sitting down on the seat? Shouldn't the splatter be limited to their butt cheeks and seat bottom?

Jody says: THATS WHAT I"M ASKING!!!!

Jody says: i don't get it

Ryan says: Oh, and what song did I sing after the gorilla chewed its poop? I've forgotten that detail.

Jody says: ....eating its poop and chewing it chewing it

Jody says: I can't remember the name of teh original song you changed the words to

Ryan says: Oh, that's right! "Everybody's doing it, doing it. Eatin' their poop and chewin' it, chewin' it."

Jody says: YES!!!

Ryan says: Made my brother gag anew with each rendition!

Jody says: oh, yes.

Relief

Over the 5+ years I was with my last company, I held the unusual distinction of being the ONLY employee not to participate in the company's 401k plan. Having taken part in a previous 401k, which eventually folded and sent me a check for $3,500, which I put into a Roth IRA, I just wasn't all that jazzed about the whole 401k thing.

Yeah, I understood that the company would "match" my contribution and all that, but there was just something about the whole 401k thing I just didn't trust. It's a control thing, I think. I like having my money right where I can see it and put it just where I please. For my part, in lieu of a 401k, I opted to put away money each year, and put it towards more Roth IRAs come tax time.

You can question the wisdom of this approach to retirement saving, and God knows I got enough phone calls over the years from the company 401k rep practically begging me to sign on to the 401k plan; to her, I was no doubt the one black spot on an otherwise enterprise-wide enrollment gold star. I actually started to think of my 401k holdout as a sort of badge of pride. Mostly though, I didn't want to enroll because doing so would, in my mind, have been a kind of capitulation to the idea that I was going to be working for the company for a long, looooooooongggggg time, and that just didn't set too well with me.

Now, as the stock market plunges and takes all sorts of 401k savings with it, and my IRAs stay nice and locked into their stable interest percentages, I'm feeling all nice and relieved. All because I was basically just a stubborn ass.

So I guess the lesson is: be a stubborn ass.

Because Jumping On Graves Can Be Fun!

I've only ever been a casual troll of the Minnesota Independent, an "alternative," "independent," online media engine that I always suspected would likely nosedive following the 2008 election, no matter the outcome.

Well, surprise surprise!

But beyond the story of the inevitable implosion of a alt-media arm, there's all sorts of goodies being hoovered up, chewed on and posted by some of my most favoritest bloggers.

Koolaid Report delivers. As does Shot in the Dark. It's all just so much. . . dare I say it. . . FUN!

Shut Your Pie Hole, Already!

Sometimes, it almost seems like government officials just wake up one day and think "you know, I'm going to publicly say something explosive just to see how many points I can knock the Dow Jones down today."

It is nice to know the great minds toiling away in the federal government apparently realized investing taxpayer dollars into toxic debt might not be a good idea, after all. I wonder what clued them in. The word "TOXIC" possibly?

Today

Today consists of about 55 percent hope, and 40 percent change.

Five percent remains "undecided."

Hand Comes Out

UPDATE: This one is most excellent, too:

*snort*

Mitch, over at Shot in the Dark, wrote about something that has "started whacking its staff."

Yeah, that's pretty much awesome.

Leaf Me Alone

One of the great Minnesota gambles each year is deciding on the right weekend to rake leaves. If you're lucky, you get a sunny day in the 40+ degree realm, with nice, dry leaves that pack well into the Hefty bags.

If you're not lucky, which is basically 9 out of ten years, you end up with a below-freezing weekend, with soggy-frozen leaves that are heavy and take up way more garbage bag space than should be necessary.

Last week was the latter. The wife and I must have filled nearly 30 garbage bags full of ice-encrusted tree droppings, and I couldn't even empty the roof gutters because the leaves were welded to the metal like Flick's tongue to the flag pole (extra ThunderJournal bonus points for a most excellent "A Christmas Story" analogy, which is better than "Dirty Bob's Xcellent Adventure," which Flick also starred in, although I'm not sure if a flag pole was involved. AnyHOOO).

So, anyway, the 2008 episode of leaf raking and im-bagnation is now complete. Thank Yahweh.

A Cartoon Full of Geode

Time Will Tell

I wonder how long it will take for the shining Obama gleam to tarnish a little bit. I remember when George H.W. Bush appeared in an episode of the Simpsons, and there was a bit where a Time magazine arrived in the mail, with Clinton on the cover and the headline "Worst President Ever," to which Bush chuckled and said "Roasting the new guy." That episode ran fairly early during Clinton's first term, if I recall correctly.

I figure sometime in March we'll start seeing the media taking swipes at the Obama administration. The media is never really, truly happy, after all.

In Election-Related News. . .

Holy crap, my arm hurts like hell from playing Nintendo Wii tennis.

2008 Prez Liveblog

4:30 a.m. -- Just got up to pee. Things look. . . drowsy.

8:00 a.m. -- Forgot to set the alarm last night. I blame Al Gore.

8:31 a.m. -- The office is eerily quiet today. I blame FDR.

8: 45 a.m. -- Electoral-vote.com has Obama taking this thing like a fat kid with pie. Then again, it had Kerry taking it big time early on during election day back in 2004. McCain is up in electoral votes over yesterday, and Missouri is now considered a toss-up. As Homer Simpson once said "The clown's trying to kill me, and the toaster's been laughing at me! Ewwwww, dog water!"

9:21 a.m. -- MSNBC.com is reporting that kids under the age of 18 are frustrated about not being able to vote. Shouldn't they be trying to get laid or something?

9:40 a.m. -- When looking at McCain and Obama, I can't help but think of the theme music for that one MADTV skit, "Lowered Expectations."

10:21 a.m. -- I'm officially opening up this liveblog to my Geode Twin, Caroline. She's free to post anything that comes to mind.

10:32 a.m. -- MSNBC.com headline: "What to watch for as results come in." Gee, just a guess here, but I'm thinking. . . results?

10:44 a.m. -- (Caroline) CNN.com Live Election Day Coverage: "New Yorkers fill a Washington Heights polling station." The person who comes closest to guessing the actual number of New Yorkers in polling station wins a prize!

10:50 a.m. -- (Ryan) I'm going to stand on a street corner tonight and ask passers-by if they want to see my hanging chad.

11 a.m.-- (Caroline) I kind of wish my red "I voted" sticker had some kind of punctuation on it. Because "I voted?" pretty much sums it up.

11:08 a.m. -- (Ryan) When I enter the polling booth tonight, I'm going to say say, out loud, "Who the hell is Barack McCain?"

11:22 a.m. -- (Ryan) Just in case I encounter a long line tonight, I'm bringing my new Zune, because nothing exudes patriotic duty more than standing in line playing Texas Hold'em.

11:26 a.m. -- (Caroline) In honor of election day and his birthday, Sean "Puffy" Combs changes the name of his voting campaign to "Vote or Diddy."

11:32 a.m. -- (Ryan) MSNBC.com headline: "Supreme Court to tackle TV profanity case." That should TOTALLY make all the NFL highlight reels.

11:38 a.m. -- (Caroline) The “Balance of Power” graph on CNN.com got me thinking … instead of through votes, control of the Senate and House should be decided by one big-ass tug-of-war between a bunch of donkeys and elephants.

11:48 a.m. -- (Ryan) Electoral-vote.com is still showing Missouri as a toss-up state. I don't know about you, but I'll be dead in the cold, hard ground before I recognize Missouri.

11:52 a.m. -- (Caroline) Headline on CNN.com: Obama votes in Chicago: ‘I feel really good.’ What he means is ‘Voting for myself is cah-raaaaaazy, yo.’

11:57 a.m. -- (Ryan) I just wanted to get one last post in before this amazing, historical, totally unprecented election morning passes into history. It isn't as dramatic as I envisioned it.

12:01 p.m. -- (Caroline) Time to play “Is this headline about the election or a fart?”
On MSNBC.com: “How to spot a big night (or a squeaker)”

12:07 p.m. -- (Ryan) You ever notice how the media characterizes voter turnout as "light, "moderate," or "heavy?" When did voting become the equivalent of menstrual flow?

12:11 p.m. -- (Caroline) Live election results on MSNBC.com in 5 hours 48 minutes! That can only mean I’ll most likely be drunk with "meh" in 5 hours 49 minutes!

12:23 p.m. -- (Ryan) There's just something pathetic about seeing bumper stickers for Kerry or Bush. That's, like, sooo last election man.

12:24 p.m. -- (Caroline) Headline on CNN.com: “McCain makes final campaign swing.” Anyone else picture this swing made out of Depends, moth balls and rope?

12:31 p.m. -- (Ryan) Headline on MSNBC.com: "Election officials deal with scattered glitches." Now I have that "Way we were" song in my head, with the lyrics: Scattered GLITCHes, light the corners of my mind; misty, water-colored GLITCHES of the way we were."

12:36 p.m. -- (Caroline) Live election day coverage on CNN.com: "Rapper Bow Wow convinced 1,000 students to vote." Really? The same rapper whose lyrics are: "If you ask me how I'm livin' I'll tell you I'm great. Money stacks taller than the impire state"? Awe-some.

12:46 p.m. -- (Ryan) No matter who wins, the loser should wrap up their concession speech with "That's what she said."

1 p.m. -- (Caroline) Headline on MSNBC.com: “Wall Street mounts Election Day rally.” Yeah, baby! That’s pretty hot erection--er, election--coverage, right there.

1:09 p.m. -- (Ryan) I remember watching the returns coming in after the 2000 election. Internet access was at a crawl as I tried to refresh the electoral map on MSNBC.com. Now, in 2008, the electoral map is a freakin' widget you can add to your blog or MySpace. Of course, I'm too stupid/lazy to post one here. Oh, what the hell:

src="http://www.electoral-vote.com/evp2008/Icons/evmap.png"
alt="Click for www.electoral-vote.com" width="150" height="180" />

1:20 p.m. -- (Caroline) Wet ballots in N.C. made the news (somehow). Don’t worry; crisis was averted when a quick-thinking fella instructed election boards to hand out paper towels with the ballots. Note to voters in N.C.: BYOPT.

1:34 p.m. -- (Ryan) Just when you thought today would mark the end of this seeming endless political season, MSNBC.com asks the question: "What if new president wanted to ditch his VP?" And so it begins anew before it even ends an-old.

1:47 p.m. -- (Caroline) On CNN.com: “What if it’s a tie?” A TIE?! Oh, HELL no. If there’s a tie, then Obama, McCain and Bow Wow must compete in a rap off as a tie-breaker. It’s anybody’s game.

1:54 p.m. -- (Ryan) Well, I guess you can take it to the bank. CNN is reporting "Naked Cowboy Predicts McCain Landslide."

1:55 p.m. -- (Caroline) My company’s president closed the office at 2 p.m. (I didn’t vote for him, but I’ll take the afternoon off.) Thanks to Ryan for entrusting me with the tremendous responsibility of Liveblogging this historic election. Yeah, I fell asleep just writing that last sentence. Signing off—Caroline, The Other Geode Twin.

2:11 p.m. -- Now that Caroline's gone, I can focus more on sexist updates. Women, man, what's up with THAT gender?

2:35 p.m. -- Say what you will about McCain; the guy is nothing if not optimistic.

3:14 p.m. -- MSNBC.com headline right now "'I have never seen anything like this.'" It's a good thing I know it's referring to election turnout. Otherwise, it could be in reference to any number of natural and manmade calamities.

3:46 p.m. -- I just saw this on CNN.com:

"It feels great to be an American today. The best hour and a half of my life," exclaimed Jude Elliot, an eighth-grade social studies teacher in Orangeburg, South Carolina.

The best hour and half of your life was spent voting? Dude, this life thing? YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!

4:40 p.m. -- MSNBC.com headline: "Witnessing history: Some opting out."

Wouldn't that be, like, DYING?

5:58 p.m. -- Got a late start getting to the polls. I'm off now to perform my civic voting duty. Heh. Dooty.

6:44 p.m. -- Well, that was short and sweet. Was in and out of the polling place within 10 minutes. There were longer lines in 2006.

8:01 p.m. -- Electoral-vote.com has Vermont going to McCain. What the hell are they smoking?

Return of the Geodes

As always, click the image for a larger version.

UPDATE: By the way, it was completely by accident that the "stars" on the American flag in the first panel look a little bit like Arabic script. Allahu Ackbar!

It's Not an October Surprise. . .

It's a November Demise!

The Best thing about tomorrow's election

Will be my liveblogging as the event unfolds. Trust me when I tell you: my election day liveblogging will be the one thing you won't want to miss tomorrow. Well, that and, you know, actually VOTING.

The more things change. . .

I watched several episodes of "The Presidents" on the History channel over the weekend. I was particularly struck by how similar campaigns from 100+ years ago are eerily similar to those of the present day; same themes, same attacks, same everything. Believe it or not, this was not the first campaign to highlight "Change" or "bringing a new tone to Washington" or "more hookers and blow for everyone."