November 04, 2008

2008 Prez Liveblog

4:30 a.m. -- Just got up to pee. Things look. . . drowsy.

8:00 a.m. -- Forgot to set the alarm last night. I blame Al Gore.

8:31 a.m. -- The office is eerily quiet today. I blame FDR.

8: 45 a.m. -- has Obama taking this thing like a fat kid with pie. Then again, it had Kerry taking it big time early on during election day back in 2004. McCain is up in electoral votes over yesterday, and Missouri is now considered a toss-up. As Homer Simpson once said "The clown's trying to kill me, and the toaster's been laughing at me! Ewwwww, dog water!"

9:21 a.m. -- is reporting that kids under the age of 18 are frustrated about not being able to vote. Shouldn't they be trying to get laid or something?

9:40 a.m. -- When looking at McCain and Obama, I can't help but think of the theme music for that one MADTV skit, "Lowered Expectations."

10:21 a.m. -- I'm officially opening up this liveblog to my Geode Twin, Caroline. She's free to post anything that comes to mind.

10:32 a.m. -- headline: "What to watch for as results come in." Gee, just a guess here, but I'm thinking. . . results?

10:44 a.m. -- (Caroline) Live Election Day Coverage: "New Yorkers fill a Washington Heights polling station." The person who comes closest to guessing the actual number of New Yorkers in polling station wins a prize!

10:50 a.m. -- (Ryan) I'm going to stand on a street corner tonight and ask passers-by if they want to see my hanging chad.

11 a.m.-- (Caroline) I kind of wish my red "I voted" sticker had some kind of punctuation on it. Because "I voted?" pretty much sums it up.

11:08 a.m. -- (Ryan) When I enter the polling booth tonight, I'm going to say say, out loud, "Who the hell is Barack McCain?"

11:22 a.m. -- (Ryan) Just in case I encounter a long line tonight, I'm bringing my new Zune, because nothing exudes patriotic duty more than standing in line playing Texas Hold'em.

11:26 a.m. -- (Caroline) In honor of election day and his birthday, Sean "Puffy" Combs changes the name of his voting campaign to "Vote or Diddy."

11:32 a.m. -- (Ryan) headline: "Supreme Court to tackle TV profanity case." That should TOTALLY make all the NFL highlight reels.

11:38 a.m. -- (Caroline) The “Balance of Power” graph on got me thinking … instead of through votes, control of the Senate and House should be decided by one big-ass tug-of-war between a bunch of donkeys and elephants.

11:48 a.m. -- (Ryan) is still showing Missouri as a toss-up state. I don't know about you, but I'll be dead in the cold, hard ground before I recognize Missouri.


11:52 a.m. -- (Caroline) Headline on Obama votes in Chicago: ‘I feel really good.’ What he means is ‘Voting for myself is cah-raaaaaazy, yo.’

11:57 a.m. -- (Ryan) I just wanted to get one last post in before this amazing, historical, totally unprecented election morning passes into history. It isn't as dramatic as I envisioned it.

12:01 p.m. -- (Caroline) Time to play “Is this headline about the election or a fart?”
On “How to spot a big night (or a squeaker)”

12:07 p.m. -- (Ryan) You ever notice how the media characterizes voter turnout as "light, "moderate," or "heavy?" When did voting become the equivalent of menstrual flow?

12:11 p.m. -- (Caroline) Live election results on in 5 hours 48 minutes! That can only mean I’ll most likely be drunk with "meh" in 5 hours 49 minutes!

12:23 p.m. -- (Ryan) There's just something pathetic about seeing bumper stickers for Kerry or Bush. That's, like, sooo last election man.

12:24 p.m. -- (Caroline) Headline on “McCain makes final campaign swing.” Anyone else picture this swing made out of Depends, moth balls and rope?

12:31 p.m. -- (Ryan) Headline on "Election officials deal with scattered glitches." Now I have that "Way we were" song in my head, with the lyrics: Scattered GLITCHes, light the corners of my mind; misty, water-colored GLITCHES of the way we were."

12:36 p.m. -- (Caroline) Live election day coverage on "Rapper Bow Wow convinced 1,000 students to vote." Really? The same rapper whose lyrics are: "If you ask me how I'm livin' I'll tell you I'm great. Money stacks taller than the impire state"? Awe-some.

12:46 p.m. -- (Ryan) No matter who wins, the loser should wrap up their concession speech with "That's what she said."

1 p.m. -- (Caroline) Headline on “Wall Street mounts Election Day rally.” Yeah, baby! That’s pretty hot erection--er, election--coverage, right there.

1:09 p.m. -- (Ryan) I remember watching the returns coming in after the 2000 election. Internet access was at a crawl as I tried to refresh the electoral map on Now, in 2008, the electoral map is a freakin' widget you can add to your blog or MySpace. Of course, I'm too stupid/lazy to post one here. Oh, what the hell:

alt="Click for" width="150" height="180" />

1:20 p.m. -- (Caroline) Wet ballots in N.C. made the news (somehow). Don’t worry; crisis was averted when a quick-thinking fella instructed election boards to hand out paper towels with the ballots. Note to voters in N.C.: BYOPT.

1:34 p.m. -- (Ryan) Just when you thought today would mark the end of this seeming endless political season, asks the question: "What if new president wanted to ditch his VP?" And so it begins anew before it even ends an-old.

1:47 p.m. -- (Caroline) On “What if it’s a tie?” A TIE?! Oh, HELL no. If there’s a tie, then Obama, McCain and Bow Wow must compete in a rap off as a tie-breaker. It’s anybody’s game.

1:54 p.m. -- (Ryan) Well, I guess you can take it to the bank. CNN is reporting "Naked Cowboy Predicts McCain Landslide."

1:55 p.m. -- (Caroline) My company’s president closed the office at 2 p.m. (I didn’t vote for him, but I’ll take the afternoon off.) Thanks to Ryan for entrusting me with the tremendous responsibility of Liveblogging this historic election. Yeah, I fell asleep just writing that last sentence. Signing off—Caroline, The Other Geode Twin.

2:11 p.m. -- Now that Caroline's gone, I can focus more on sexist updates. Women, man, what's up with THAT gender?

2:35 p.m. -- Say what you will about McCain; the guy is nothing if not optimistic.

3:14 p.m. -- headline right now "'I have never seen anything like this.'" It's a good thing I know it's referring to election turnout. Otherwise, it could be in reference to any number of natural and manmade calamities.

3:46 p.m. -- I just saw this on

"It feels great to be an American today. The best hour and a half of my life," exclaimed Jude Elliot, an eighth-grade social studies teacher in Orangeburg, South Carolina.

The best hour and half of your life was spent voting? Dude, this life thing? YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!

4:40 p.m. -- headline: "Witnessing history: Some opting out."

Wouldn't that be, like, DYING?

5:58 p.m. -- Got a late start getting to the polls. I'm off now to perform my civic voting duty. Heh. Dooty.

6:44 p.m. -- Well, that was short and sweet. Was in and out of the polling place within 10 minutes. There were longer lines in 2006.

8:01 p.m. -- has Vermont going to McCain. What the hell are they smoking?

Posted by Ryan at November 4, 2008 04:29 AM | TrackBack

I'm just glad today has finally arrived. And we out here in California won't be bombarded with the Yes on 8 to repeal same-sex marriage garbage anymore.

Posted by: Erik at November 4, 2008 11:27 AM

As television viewers, you could rearrange the letters on your stickers to say, "I teVod."

Posted by: Corrine at November 4, 2008 11:34 AM
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