November 13, 2008

Most Unexpected IM Conversation Ever

Jody says: do you poop on the toilet seat at work?

Ryan says: No, I try to get all the poop in the bowl.

Ryan says: Occasional accidents notwithstanding.

Jody says: but do you clean up the aftermath when you have an accident?

Ryan says: Okay, do I want to know what prompted this discussion in the first place?

Jody says: the guys I work with...heavy drinkers that shit everywhere the next day

Jody says: and I have to SIT whenever I go so i'm screwed

Ryan says: So, like, actual chucks of shit, or just splatter?

Jody says: splatter

Jody says: chucks of shit?

Ryan says: Gorillas chuck shit. I meant "chunks."

Jody says: i know

Jody says: on both counts

Jody says: gorillas also chew it

Ryan says: I know. We were both there to witness the gorilla chewing its flourescent poop. I can still hear my brother gagging to the point of vomit.

Jody says: and you and I laughing hysterically

Jody says: and that damn song you sang after....

Ryan says: But, to answer your initial question: I don't think I've ever splattered the toilet seat at work. At least not on the top of the seat. I never really check the bottom when I'm done.

Jody says: i could care less about the bottom of the seat

Ryan says: I'm deeply sorry that it's a chronic enough problem for you that you actually asked me about it.

Jody says: well, you are a guy

Jody says: and its a guy thing

Ryan says: You telling me girls don't splatter?

Jody says: there are no girls here... and i can't remember a time that i've walked in a public womens restroom and seen splatter on the TOP of the seat

Jody says: not to say it doesn't happen...just happens frequently in the men's room

Ryan says: How do they get splatter on TOP? Aren't they sitting down on the seat? Shouldn't the splatter be limited to their butt cheeks and seat bottom?

Jody says: THATS WHAT I"M ASKING!!!!

Jody says: i don't get it

Ryan says: Oh, and what song did I sing after the gorilla chewed its poop? I've forgotten that detail.

Jody says: ....eating its poop and chewing it chewing it

Jody says: I can't remember the name of teh original song you changed the words to

Ryan says: Oh, that's right! "Everybody's doing it, doing it. Eatin' their poop and chewin' it, chewin' it."

Jody says: YES!!!

Ryan says: Made my brother gag anew with each rendition!

Jody says: oh, yes.

Posted by Ryan at November 13, 2008 11:01 AM | TrackBack

Now I'm confused. Are these men doing the hover squat or something? And if so doesn't that mean they've gotten shit all over themselves too? And do they leave a nasty toilet as some kind of primitive calling card? "Og was here, Og shit on seat, Og own seat now."

Posted by: Erik at November 13, 2008 01:00 PM

It's probably puke which looks the same when dry.
Or, they are just barely making it to the toilet. Never mind. Shoot me.

Posted by: Donna at November 14, 2008 10:50 AM
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