November 13, 2008

Most Unexpected IM Conversation Ever

Jody says: do you poop on the toilet seat at work?

Ryan says: No, I try to get all the poop in the bowl.

Ryan says: Occasional accidents notwithstanding.

Jody says: but do you clean up the aftermath when you have an accident?

Ryan says: Okay, do I want to know what prompted this discussion in the first place?

Jody says: the guys I work with...heavy drinkers that shit everywhere the next day

Jody says: and I have to SIT whenever I go so i'm screwed

Ryan says: So, like, actual chucks of shit, or just splatter?

Jody says: splatter

Jody says: chucks of shit?

Ryan says: Gorillas chuck shit. I meant "chunks."

Jody says: i know

Jody says: on both counts

Jody says: gorillas also chew it

Ryan says: I know. We were both there to witness the gorilla chewing its flourescent poop. I can still hear my brother gagging to the point of vomit.

Jody says: and you and I laughing hysterically

Jody says: and that damn song you sang after....

Ryan says: But, to answer your initial question: I don't think I've ever splattered the toilet seat at work. At least not on the top of the seat. I never really check the bottom when I'm done.

Jody says: i could care less about the bottom of the seat

Ryan says: I'm deeply sorry that it's a chronic enough problem for you that you actually asked me about it.

Jody says: well, you are a guy

Jody says: and its a guy thing

Ryan says: You telling me girls don't splatter?

Jody says: there are no girls here... and i can't remember a time that i've walked in a public womens restroom and seen splatter on the TOP of the seat

Jody says: not to say it doesn't happen...just happens frequently in the men's room

Ryan says: How do they get splatter on TOP? Aren't they sitting down on the seat? Shouldn't the splatter be limited to their butt cheeks and seat bottom?

Jody says: THATS WHAT I"M ASKING!!!!

Jody says: i don't get it

Ryan says: Oh, and what song did I sing after the gorilla chewed its poop? I've forgotten that detail.

Jody says: ....eating its poop and chewing it chewing it

Jody says: I can't remember the name of teh original song you changed the words to

Ryan says: Oh, that's right! "Everybody's doing it, doing it. Eatin' their poop and chewin' it, chewin' it."

Jody says: YES!!!

Ryan says: Made my brother gag anew with each rendition!

Jody says: oh, yes.

Posted by Ryan at November 13, 2008 11:01 AM | TrackBack
Comments

Now I'm confused. Are these men doing the hover squat or something? And if so doesn't that mean they've gotten shit all over themselves too? And do they leave a nasty toilet as some kind of primitive calling card? "Og was here, Og shit on seat, Og own seat now."

Posted by: Erik at November 13, 2008 01:00 PM

It's probably puke which looks the same when dry.
Or, they are just barely making it to the toilet. Never mind. Shoot me.

Posted by: Donna at November 14, 2008 10:50 AM
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