Rambling Rhodes

Re: Wiretapping

I'll be honest, I don't even have a phone. I don't have a cell phone. I don't have a land-line phone. I don't have a VoIP phone. I don't like talking on phones. I rely on e-mail and instant messaging.

So, personally, wiretapping probably isn't going to affect me.

More generally, I tend to agree with Joshua.

When you're willing to sacrifice your privacy and surrender some of your rights so you can rest a little easier due to a decreased chance of being blown up--when said chance of being blown up is pretty miniscule to begin with--you're not all that interested in the Constitution.

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Lawn Pot Column

"Mowing Discoveries" c. Ryan Rhodes, May 4, 2006

Last week marked a turning point in the turning seasons. For the first time in 2006, I fired up the lawnmower and set about mowing my lawn.

Now, I should explain here that mowing my lawn doesn't necessarily mean I was mowing the grass. Rather, I was chopping back the hordes of dandelions that have basically staged a complete take-over of my lawn. Amy Reid.

As I've explained in this column before, I'm not particularly interested in the pursuit of the perfectly green and lush lawn. My approach to lawn care is rather similar to my approach to stray cats and dogs; namely, I let them kind of go about their own business and try not to get involved.

And, much like stray cats and dogs, my lawn has a wild, unkempt look to it that simply must drive my neighbors completely insane. Whereas my neighbor down the street takes great pride in his thick, dark green grass, I walk with indifference through my own lawn, which is so infested with dandelions, you can probably see the intense yellow glare from orbit.

In addition to the neighbors, my lawn also attracts the attention of practically every single lawn care agency in the city. Not a day has gone by, I don't think, where I've come home from work and NOT found a lawn care flyer shoved in my door or dangling on the door knob. They all offer to rid my lawn of the dandelions and other lawn intruders not of the grass persuasion.

The thing is, I really can't see myself paying for such a lawn care service. I mean, paying somebody to spray poison on my lawn strikes me as kind of an odd thing to dedicate my hard-earned dollars toward. Besides, if dandelions and other weeds are so determined to stake out their claims on my lawn, who am I to try and stop them?

However, last week, as I ran my mower over the tops of those dandelions daring enough to poke their yellow heads a tad too high, I noticed a peculiar weed amongst all the yellow that prompted me to take a closer look.

Now, I have only passing knowledge of the world of weeds, but that particular specimen had an unmistakable five-leaf array that I had seen on countless tee-shirts and black-light posters. Specifically, I was looking at a marijuana plant, which was growing in my yard, not Padma Lakshmi.

I pondered the marijuana plant for awhile, trying to figure out how such a weed could have established a toe-hold on a lawn in the middle of a city, and I developed some entertaining theories on the topic. I then mowed over the scrappy little plant because, well, it WAS illegal and all that, and somehow leaving it to grow to great heights there inthe middle of my lawn didn't strike me as all that intelligent. So, I mowed over it, and that was that. Or so I thought.

After mowing about another 40 feet, I encountered ANOTHER marijuana plant, and on a side-hill a bit further ahead, there was ANOTHER. And, a look around the rest of my lawn uncovered two more. All of this was a bit unsettling. Encountering a sole pot plant on your lawn is one thing, but here I had the makings a full-fledged crop.

ME: Honestly, officer, this is all a big misunderstanding. The plants were just THERE. I had nothing to do with it, I swear.

OFFICER: Do you expect me to believe you have five marijuana plants growing amidst all these dandelions purely by accident? I'm afraid you'll have to come with me and pray you get a gullible judge.

All of which means I'm revisiting the idea of hiring a lawn-care company to spray some poison on my lawn. Because, after all, marijuana is known as a gateway drug. Today I may only be mowing over pot plants, but the next thing you know I'll be mowing over poppy plants, and then cocoa plants.

There's no telling where this could all lead.

Spammers. . . I hate those guys

Man, my comments were just slammed by spam awhile ago. Like, to the tune of 30+ spams left in my comments in just under an hour.

It would be interesting to see the level of hell devoted to spammers. I'm sure Satan has put a lot of fiendish thought into the manner of eternal torture he has in mind for those buttholes. I'm thinking they should be afflicted with a worst case scenario related to whatever product they may have been pushing in the living world.

For example, there could be an area where people just grow outrageously huge penises--like, four feet long or so--and then pass out from the lack of blood to the head. Then, when they come to, the process begins all over again. There they are, destined for an eternity of watching their cocks swell to four feet in less than an hour, all the while feeling more and more woozy until they pass out. THAT'S Satanic justice!

HA! HA!

It's funny because it's not me.

Ah, the Memories

Back in my college days, I had to take a few classes to fulfill my Mass Communications/Journalism major requirements that I really didn't want to. Amongst those classes was Broadcast Journalism, an area I wasn't much interested in because I enjoyed writing articles rather than talking into a microphone.

Anyway, my first experience with a broadcast journalism class was taught by an Indian (dot, not feathers) guy named Ajit Daniel. During that initial class, I think I only learned one thing: specifically, I HATE AJIT DANIEL! His was the only class wherein I received a D grade, and I had to work harder for that D than for any A I ever earned. The next semester, I bumped into Ajit in the halls and he asked: "Mr. Rhodes, do you know why I gave you a D." To which I responded: "Yeah, because you're a jackass."

I later regretted that, because I ended up having to take two more classes with that jackass. Although, I did manage to squeak out of both classes with Cs.

Well, anyway, over the weekend, I discovered this site, and I registered and looked up my old pal Ajit to see what other students thought about him. You can only view the first three entries without registration, so I thought I'd share some of the other glowing reviews from Ajit's students:

Literally Satan reincarnated. Are you a broadcasting major at Winona State? My best advice to you...change your major or transfer to another school.
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Avoid at all costs. I feel bad for anyone in brodcasting. I took a terrorism class with him. It could have been the most interesting class ive ever had, but it was one of the worst. Unorganized and changes the syllabus about once every two weeks.
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I am an A student. I got a C in his class. How crappy. Only one student got an A, in a 100 level class! Avoid if possible, but it's not feasible.
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Crazy professor who follows his mood... avoid him if possible, he's nuts!
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That's all pretty accurate, in my opinion. And, yes, I only posted those reviews that paint him in a bad light. This is my blog. I can do that.