Caroline says: I think it's awesome that in IMworld, all we have to do is put notes around a word and it's "singing."
Caroline says: I wish life was that easy
Ryan says: We should totally open an amusement park called "IMworld."
Ryan says: I'll design a LOLercoaster.
Caroline says: Or the LQTMachine
Ryan says: Laughing Quietly To Myself.
Caroline says: Right
Ryan says: Doesn't sound like a very raucous ride.
Ryan says: Ooh! Ooh! I just thought of the signature park snack!
Ryan says: THE BRB-B-Q SANDWICH!
Caroline says: ROTFL-eos?
Ryan says: OOH! The WTF Freak Show!
Ryan says: You're off your game today.
Caroline says: Oops. I didn't hit send. OMGoCarts
Ryan says: REDEMPTION.
Ryan says: Any good amusement park needs a bar or nightclub.
Ryan says: The A/S/L Express?
Caroline says: The NSFW Lounge
Ryan says: Me likey.
Ryan says: I suppose it could have a library.
Ryan says: The STFU Learning Center.
Caroline says: Or a golf course: TTYLinks
Ryan says: And a petting zoo.
Ryan says: Featuring LOLcats.
Caroline says: The comedy club would have to be called the LMAO Club
Caroline says: I think the Christina Ricci cat would also draw crowds.
Ryan says: Only on Wednesdays.
Caroline says: Well, right.
Ryan says: Wait. . . was that too obscure?
Caroline says: No, Adams Family. I get it.
Ryan says: Damn, you're good.
Caroline says: Fuck yea.
Ryan says: America. Fuck Yeah.
Ryan says: Which is a great segue into the 4th of July!
One thing I almost always apparently forget when it comes to taking on a new job is that, more often than not, I'm thrown into a sea of new faces and names who, for better or for worse, will be my co-workers for the non-foreseeable future.
Leaving aside the fact I'm not particularly a superstar when it comes to social interactions exceeding three people plus myself, landing in a cubicle maze filled with dozens of new co-workers has been an adventure in its own right.
The thing is, I have no real foundation on which to build relationships with any of these new professional acquaintances. Oh, sure, such foundations will likely establish themselves with time, but who knows how long that will take?
So, I'm stuck with small talk.
And I HATE small talk. Small talk is the linguistic equivalent of life support for conversations about nothing.
Some people are absolutely gifted at the craft that is small talk; these are people who genuinely seem enraptured by the most banal of conversations. Such people can engage others with observations about the weather, or their pet's perceived personality traits or ruminations about the next season of Survivor with the utmost interest.
I'm simply not one of those people. Part of it, of course, I chalk up to my self-diagnosed adult attention deficit disorder, a symptom of which dictates if someone is talking about something I'm not interested in, I start thinking about other things. I don't do this intentionally; it's just that my mind prefers to focus on things it likes to think about, and one of the things it likes to think about is whatever may be going on behind the person I'm supposed to be talking to.
Thus, while I'm supposed to be talking about the weather or what my plans are for the weekend, I'm actually THINKING about that weird-looking guy scratching himself about three feet away, or that woman adjusting her bra strap, or that coffee kiosk over there that maybe, hopefully, also sells Diet Pepsi. . .
I like to think of my adult ADD as a kind of evolutionary throwback to the Neanderthal days, where it's not that I'm not paying attention, it's that I'm paying attention to all the possible threats and/or prey all around me, and listening to small talk doesn't strike me as a sound survival tactic, so my primal brain just ignores it. I'm sure how Diet Pepsi falls into that theory, but I'm sure if I think about it, it will come to me eventually.
At any rate, at some point I come back to the conversation at hand completely oblivious to what was just said right to my face, so I just nod and hope they didn't just ask if they could have one of my kidneys, because that would be AWKWARD.
And so I find myself going through this small conversational version of hell at least a dozen times a day with all these new people I don't know, and I'm left worrying after practically every single one of these interactions that these new people are thinking I might just be a little bit weird. Which, to their credit, I AM a little bit weird, but I like to think I'm weird in a GOOD way, and I worry my good weird isn't coming across as much as I'd like.
That, and I'd really hate to have to give up a kidney.
After a long day of avoiding a U.S. led airstrike over your war torn country, hunger is no doubt the first thing on your mind. You desire something fast and inexpensive, something that the whole family can enjoy. So, come to Osama’s Fast Food Emporium, your Mecca for affordable family cuisine.
At Osama’s, you’ll be treated to a virtually bomb free atmosphere, and you’re encouraged to enjoy Allah you can eat. And, Osama’s extensive menu guarantees a pleasant and different dining experience every time you visit.
“Osama’s has declared a holy war on hunger,” said a satisfied customer. “When I first heard of a franchise in the area, I didn’t walk, Iran.”
Yasser, you betcha, this is no joke, this Israel. With Osama’s restaurants springing up throughout the Middle East, you’re probably just a camel ride away from a hearty Osama’s meal. So, make a pilgrimage to your nearest Osama’s today. Remember, a rolling stone gathers no mosque.
So, what culinary delights can you find at Osama’s? You’re encouraged, of course, to start off with a nice garden or caesar Saladdin before moving on to the main course. How about a nine piece order of Taliban Tenders. These tender white Gaza strips of chicken breast, rolled in Osama’s secret blend of herbs and spices, are sure to satisfy even the most hardlined fundamentalist. Or, enjoy a rosemary and Yemen chicken breast (with a slight sprinkle of Sultan pepper), a sure hit with your wives.
Feeling a little Mexican? Then order our delicious chicken Al Queda Quesadillas.
But wait, you aren’t limited to chicken at Osama’s. You can also enjoy a vast assortment of mutton dishes. In fact, at Osama’s, our specialty Islam.
Osama’s also provides several side orders, including, for a limited time, ripened ears of Koran on the Kaaba.
“Oman, that Koran on the Kaaba was excellent,” said another appreciative diner. “I almost feel bad that I ate four ears. I sincerely apologize.”
No need to say you’re Saudi at Osama’s. At our affordable prices, we understand when you eat more than your share.
Of course, Osama’s didn’t forget the early risers. For the breakfast crowd, Osama’s provides small and large stacks of Pakistani Pancakes smothered in bin Ladenberry syrup. Other breakfast items include Hezbollah Hash Browns, Baghdad Bacon, Syrian Sausage, and Beirut Bagels.
Wash down your Osama’s meal with any of our beverages, including juices, sodas, and our famous Shiite Shakes. All refills only cost a Qatar.
So, you’ve finished your Osama’s meal, and you still have room for more? Perhaps something on the sweet side? Not to worry; Osama’s also provides a number of delicious desert desserts, including our Sahara Sundaes and Empty Quarter Eclairs.
Like most families, you probably have some unruly children who are hungry but difficult to satisfy. No problem. Simply load up your little terrors and bring them to Osama’s, where they can enjoy our low priced Angry Meals. Upon hearing that they’re headed to Osama’s, your children will no doubt start yelling and shieking with glee. You may have to Muslim.
Yes, Osama’s has lifted the veil on affordable family cuisine. See for yourself. Come to Osama’s Fast Food Emporium today!
By the way, having now watched the first three episodes of the 4th season of "Weeds," I can pretty confidently proclaim the show is just as bad, meandering and poorly written this year as it was last year, despite the addition of Nemo's dad to the character ranks.
It's such a pity, too, because the first two seasons were REALLY good.
Just so ya'll know, I'm basically now inundated with new work and trying to make heads or tails of anything and everything.
So, yeah, my ThunderJournal content is taking a hit. Thus, you're stuck with conversations between Caroline and myself.
By the way, Caroline is due to give birth to a child of some sort this month, so best wishes to her, if you can spare them.
Ryan says: Know what I found by accident over the weekend?
Caroline says: I do not.
Ryan says: http://www.ryanandcaroline.com/
Ryan says: I can't believe I got top billing.
Caroline says: LOLOLOLO
Ryan says: Then again, I'm apparently gay.
Caroline says: I've always suspected.
Caroline says: I wish we could re-create this site with our geode twins picture.
Ryan says: I don't think it would be that difficult.
Caroline says: Check out the third picture of them on their blog ... that is pretty close to our geode twins picture. (Minus the double thumbs up, of course.)
Ryan says: I was Googling for a specific convo between us when I stumbled on that site. Man did I LOL. . . out loud.
Caroline says: I totally LOLed ... out loud here.
Caroline says: They call themselves "Ryaline"!!!!!!
Ryan says: *shudder*
Caroline says: This is full of so much win
