March 14, 2008
From the Department of "No Duh" Headlines
Really? Data contributes to the digital universe, does it? It contributes? Hey, you know what, I think data does a little more than contribute to the digital universe. It think it may, possibly, CONSTITUTE the digital universe. I think the digital universe may be made up entirely of data. I think data and the digital universe may be one and the same.
It's SCIENCE!
March 13, 2008
That New Candidate Smell
Far be it for me to jump on any old bandwagon and rain ridicule on something that basically ridicules itself by default. . . but:
Yes, yes, staring resolutely forward into an audaciously hopeful future, as the aromatic tendrils of "Sex Panther" radiate off your newly-purchased and freshly-pressed Men's Wearhouse suit.
Rolling Stone. . . 60 percent of the time, it's quality journalism every time.
DISCLOSURE: Just so you know, I hated the movie "Anchorman." I seriously considered walking out of the theater while watching that steaming pile of cinematic hobo vomit. Still, some scenes stick with you, even from the world's worst movies, and the "Sex Panther" scene was one such anomaly. I'm not saying it was a particularly funny scene, but the idea of a cologne called "Sex Panther," made with bits of real panther--so you know it's good--just kind of has an eternal quality to it that you shouldn't feel ashamed to reference.
March 12, 2008
The Internet. It Moves Fast
So, I thought I was being all clever and funny. I thought I came up with a Spitzer joke called "Client 9 From Outer Space."
A quick Google search proved me wrong. Again.
Going Commando
Last night, I happened to catch the last 45 minutes of that 80's classic AHNULD movie, Commando. I freakin' LOVED that movie when I was ten years old. I mean, it featured EVERYTHING a pre-pubescent boy weakling could hope for. First off, there was AHNULD at the peak of his muscled musculature, which for whatever reason gave us weaklings an uncertain sense of hope for our future. There was Alyssa Milano, who any boy of my age at that time desperately wanted, even though we weren't particularly sure what we'd do if we actually HAD her, but she still made us think strange and wonderful thoughts in bed at night. There was Rae Dawn Chong, who we all just generally understood was supposed to be pretty hot. And guns, guns, GUNS and killing and impossible M-60 hip shots!
Fast forward 23 years to last night. MY GOD is that movie a horrid piece of bat guano! It's just so BAD! How was it possible I at one point in my life actually bought the character of Bennett as a tough bad guy? I mean, the guy was wearing a chain mail vest, shiny black chaps, and he had a porno guy's moustache. Seriously, look at the guy:
He's one dog chain away from being the next member of the Village People. I thought THAT was the definition of a bad-assed villian? Holy Jeebus. Oh, and I couldn't believe it took me until last night to make the connection that Bennett was also Lord General from Weird Science, from the same freakin' year:
My God. You wouldn't believe how many happy childhood memories went up in nostalgic smoke last night. Even that scene when AHNULD goes ashore with the inflatable raft. Why the Speedo? Why? WHY?! He's going ashore on an island that's fortified and manned by, roughly, 8,000 armed guerillas, or henchmen, or whatever you want to call them--for the purposes of the movie, I guess you can call them "inevitable corpses"--and his clothing of choice for storming the beach is a freakin' Speedo?!
At any rate, there was a moment last night when I was just shocked into silence at the pure dipshittery of that movie, and it made me kinda sad. Oh, and seeing Alyssa Milano as a kid again, and remembering all those awkward childhood nights thinking naughty thoughts about her, made me feel kind of. . . well. . . I don't want to talk about it.
March 11, 2008
Obligatory Spitzer Post
Ryan says: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23566308/
Ryan says: That why I went into Journalism. For the chance to write puff like that.
Caroline says:No doubt.
Caroline says: "This isn't Britney Spears we're talking about. This is the governer."
Caroline says: er, governro
Caroline says: or whatever
Ryan says: Governro would make a great name for a wine.
Caroline says:It's full-bodied.
Ryan says: Enjoy the rich, sumptuous taste of Governro.
Ryan says: Each bottle only costs $4,000.
Caroline says: What a steal.
Caroline says: Prostitutes have it good. $4,300 a bang.
Ryan says: Do you get HBO?
Caroline says: Yes?
Ryan says: Do you ever watch the series "Cathouse?"
Caroline says: Can't say that I do.
Ryan says: Some of those girls rake in $40,000 A DAY.
Caroline says: How much of that do they spend on ice packs?
Ryan says: Can you imagine that kind of income?
Ryan says: No pun intended.
Caroline says: Hey-ooooh!
March 10, 2008
Distraction
I caught my left pinkie finger on an unknown, sharp SOMETHING while dressing for work this morning. And, despite my bestest of best efforts to avoid getting blood on my clothes, I still managed to accidentally swipe my left thigh with a nice smudge of crimson. So, of course, that will be what I'll be thinking about for pretty much the rest of the day.
Yep, there it is.
It's still there.
Lousy blood. Why does the body have to be filled with so much of it?
