Rambling Rhodes

Slow Emergency Response

So, I was just re-reading this in "A Short History Of Nearly Everything," about the 1980 Mt. St. Helens eruption, and something struck me. See if you can figure out what it was:

Ninety minutes after the blast, ash began to rain down on Yakima, Washington, a community of fifty thousand people about eighty miles away. As you would expect, the ash turned day to night and got into everything, clogging motors, generators, and electrical switching equipment, choking pedestrians, blocking filtration systems, and generally bringing things to a halt. The airport shut down and highways in and out of the city were closed.

All this was happening, you will note, just downwind of a volcano tht had been rumbling menacingly for two months. Yet Yakima had no volcano emergency procedures. The city's emergency broadcast system, which was supposed to swing into action during a crises, did not go on the air because "the Sunday-morning staff did not know how to operate the equipment." For three days, Yakima was paralyzed and cut off from the world, its airport closed, its approach roads impassable.

Gosh that sounds familiar, but I just can't quite place why.

I don't know. It must be Bush's fault, somehow.

Live, From Houston!

Mandy says: hello

Ryan says: Hello to you as well.

Mandy says: have you seen my city on the news?

Ryan says: What's your city again?

Mandy says: houston

Ryan says: Oh, right. The Superdome.

Mandy says: astrodome

Ryan says: Same difference.

Mandy says: we have about 20 - 30 thousand here now

Ryan says: Yes, I think I've heard something. Something about refugees from somewhere, like Mexico or something.

Mandy says: but now we are allowing another 11000 at reliant stadium

Mandy says: mexican refugees is everyday life

Ryan says: LOL

Mandy says: this other deal is insane

Mandy says: my aunt/uncle lost their home

Mandy says: well, their second home

Mandy says: but it is gone

Ryan says: It is astounding to read about.

Mandy says: we have so much going on

Mandy says: some people at work are housing people

Mandy says: the trash collectors are letting us put donations at the curb that they will pick up in regualr rounds

Mandy says: the news is asking for anyone to go help

Ryan says: Yeah, I'm a little detached from it all up here.

Mandy says: every store, mall, restaurant is taking donations or doing drives of some sort

Ryan says: And yet all I keep reading about is how abysmal the relief effort is.

Mandy says: well, it took a long time to react

Mandy says: but people don't understand how that stuff takes time & cooperation & organization

Ryan says: Apparently not.

Mandy says: we have normal, everyday folks pouring out of the woodwork to help

Mandy says: volunteers have lined up at the dome

Mandy says: people are volunteering their homes to house evacuees for MONTHS

Mandy says: offering to pay rent for evacuees

Ryan says: Inspiring stuff. Is any of that getting good coverage down there?

Mandy says: any evacuee is getting 2 months of free food stamps

Mandy says: no questions asked

Mandy says: and free gas

Mandy says: there are things on the news about who is helping & where people can go

Mandy says: but most of it is still focused on NO & getting the people out & the devastation there

Mandy says: you have to realize NO is just hours from here so EVERYONE knows someone or has a story

Ryan says: 30,000+ new Houston residents just like that.

Mandy says: the Texans are mathcing pledges at tonight's game

Mandy says: easily that many new people

Mandy says: plus, however many thousand going to dallas & san antonio

Mandy says: Shell oil called our office wanting 1000 units to rent

At Least Mike Froland Got Some

Could you spell "talons?"

C-H-I-N-O-O-K.

There's Whining, And Then There's Common Sense

First, a mind-numbingly dumb editorial in the Star-Tribune.

Versus, a blog commenter who knows her shit:

What's going on in Louisiana - pretty much a logistical nightmare actually.

The storm and subsequent flooding have reduced access to the city down to one or two major roads. Most of the boats are toast and navigable waterways are no longer navigable because they're clogged with debris (cars, shipping containers, damaged vessels, chunks of buildings...) The airports are also submerged. So basically there are very few options for getting stuff into or getting stuff out of the city.

The breaches in the levees are immense and they haven't figured out yet how to drop enough stuff in there to plug them. The Corps (who have a lot of experience in stopping up vast volumes of water - particularly along the Mississippi) has been dropping their biggest sand bags into the breaches for a couple of days - not working. They'd love to drop a few barges in to plug up the holes but they can't get them there due to the aforementioned crap clogging up the waterways.

Talk about breaking stuff just to see how it works...

Other infrastructure that's pretty much toast in N.O.:
- Not just phone lines but call routing facilities are wet and broken.
- Not just power transmission lines, but power transformer and switching stations are wet and broken.
- Cell phone towers and routing facilities are also wet and broken.
- Fresh water supplies are fouled.
- Sewer systems and treatment facilities are likewise fouled.
- And as we all know, the pumps that are supposed to keep the city from flooding in the first place are also toast. (interesting to note that when running full bore, within 30 seconds the city's pumps can drive out a volume of water equivalent to a quarter-block seven-story building)
Oh, right, and the transportation infrastructure is basically shot since the causeways have broken up, bridges too, and roads have been submerged, washed out, etc. Airports are underwater. Port and dock facilities also broken.

That's a lot of broken infrastructure.

Initial estimates figure it will take the pumps at least 30 days to drain the flood from the city - that's assuming all the pumps are operational and there's electricity to drive them. But first the levees have to be repaired. That will take a lot of material which ordinarily would be transported to the scene utilizing some combination of roads, docks or airports. And it will take a lot of manpower - which ordinarily require food, water, shelter and basic sanitary facilities. Did I mention that this was a logistical nightmare?

Then after the city is finally dried out, they get to start rebuilding the infrastructure. It's going to take years.

If you're at all interested in how logistical nightmares of this sort get straightened out, I recommend: www.enr.com They've had really good coverage of recent history's greatest logistical nightmares including the construction of the first highway across Afghanistan after we wrecked that country, the stabilization and deconstruction of the World Trade Towers after they got wrecked by a couple pissed off Islamic student pilots, and the rebuilding of Iraq's infrastructure after we bombed the crap out of it.
Granted ENR is a little short on the hand-wringing human drama stories, but that's what the rest of the media is there for.

Posted by: buildergrrl at 01.09.05 19:42

MORE:

Ryan says: This is the kind of logic going on over at the Star-Tribune:

Ryan says: "How, after 9/11, do you explain the lack of proper equipment in New Orleans to deal with a breaching of the levees?"

Caroline says: that doesn't even make sense

Ryan says: I know, it's a total non sequiter.

Ryan says: It's kind of like saying: "How, after brushing your teeth, do you explain why your feet still smell."

Caroline says: pretty much

Obligatory New Orleans Post

Holy fuckin' shit, man!

Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker. Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker. Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker.

Why Yes, I Do Like Napoleon Dynamite

Ryan says: Do the chickens have large talons?

Ryan says: It's the eternal question.

Caroline says: Yes. Yes it is.

Ryan says: What is the sound of one hand clapping? If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Do the chickens have large talons?

Rambling Rhodes Blog Economy Recovers Slightly

Moderately-read personal Web page sees readership increase

Rochester, Minn. (Rhodes Media Services) -- Following a dip in blog readership last month, which some analysts predicted marked the beginning of the end of Rambling Rhodes, the online Web log confounded the experts yet again but showing a slight bump up for the month of August.

At press time today, Rambling Rhodes was showing nearly 2,000 more visitors in August over July, and almost 1,000 more over its previous peak set in June.

Records provided by Rambling Rhodes officials indicated that viewership continued to be largely driven by Google searches for pictures of Daisy Fuentes and permutations on "exposed+thongs."

"I'll be honest, last month's numbers scared us a bit," said said Ryan Rhodes, Rambling Rhodes CEO/president/marketing director/promoter/spokesman/ink cartridge replacer/porn surfer/toilet cleaning guy. "So, we made some changes. For example, we replaced CEO Ryan Rhodes with new CEO Ryan Rhodes, a change that sparked considerable activity within the Rambling Rhodes organization. Ryan brought a much-needed spark to a staff that had become lax and somewhat indifferent."

Analysts remained skeptical, saying that a one-month spike doesn't necessarily mean that Rambling Rhodes is out of the woods, and that the staff shouldn't rest on its laurels, as well as citing several other worn out metaphors.

"Well, they definitely shouldn't jump the gun," said Anthony Feldman, an investor for Smith-Barney. "They can pat themselves on the back, for sure, and they can even stop to smell the roses, but they shouldn't let the cat out of the bag, or open a can of worms."

How The Crappy Columnist Stole The Fair

Every Minne
Down in Sota
Liked the State Fair a lot...

But the Nick,
Who lived just North of Sota,
Did NOT!

The Nick hated the State Fair!
The whole State Fair season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that he's just not all that bright.
Yes, I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his brain is two sizes too small.

Yup,
We're quite sure the reason,
Is that his brain is just skinny,
So he stood there at the Fair, hating the Minnes,
Staring down from his glasses with a sour, Nick frown
At the warm lighted vendors selling food in their town.
For he knew every Minne at the Minne-Sota State Fair
Was busy now, eating junk food with nary a care.

"And they're riding on rides!" he snarled with a sneer.
"This can't end fast enough! I hate this time of year!"
Then he growled, with his Nick fingers nervously typing,
"I MUST find a way to keep continually griping!"
For, this week, he knew...

...All the Minne girls and Minne boys
Would walk down Dan Patch Avenue with unforgivable poise!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the Minnes, young and old, would walk around and just feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would start on Pronto Pups, and food insanely greased.
Which was something the Nick couldn't stand in the least!

And THEN
They'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Minne down in Minne-Sota, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with radio broadcasts a'playing.
And he just couldn't stand what conservatives would be saying!

They'd talk! And they'd talk!
AND they'd TALK! TALK! TALK! TALK!
And the more the Nick thought of the Minne-neocon talk,
The more the Nick thought, "I must stop those war hawks!
"Why for too many years I've put up with it now!
I MUST stop the State Fair radio broadcasts!
...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE NICK
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" The Nick laughed quite out loud.
"I'll make a quick call to my old Air America crowd!"
And he chuckled, and clucked, like he had swallowed some hair!
"I'll plead with Al Franken to put me back on the air!"

"All I need is some talent..."
The Nick looked around.
But since his talent is scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Nick...?
No! The Nick simply said,
"If I can't find any talent, I'll fake it instead!"
So he turned on his karaoke machine, and he plugged in a mike.
Radio, he reasoned, is easy, it's like riding a bike.

THEN
He picked up the phone
And got through right away.
Because there are only about three AA callers
On any one given day.

Then the Nick said, "Hello!"
To the person who answered.
And they quickly hung up
Because Nick's radio cancer.

Undeterred, the Nick, he hatched a new plan.
He'd appeal to his reader, his single solitary fan.
Together with Eva Young, they'd storm the fairgrounds.
And fill up the airwaves with their own nonsensical sounds.

Strapping his karaoke machine to his back, and with Eva in tow,
Nick was determined to spread his cynical glow.
"I'm nobody's monkey!" crowed Nick to no one.
"And I forgot 40 years ago what it means to have fun!"

Once at the State Fair, the Nick turned on his karaoke machine,
And he proceeded to shriek, not unlike Howard Dean.
"Bloggers are evil!" the Nick started off.
"The Power Line guys have small manhoods, and so does the Prof!"

The Minne's stared in wonder at the Nick and Eva show,
But they were all in agreement that they pretty much blow.
Yet the Nick wouldn't stop. No, he continued to rant,
Until he was blue in the face, and he started to pant.

"Stop having fun!" gasped the Nick in frustration.
"Don't you know there are poor people being poor in this nation?"
"You should all feel guilty! You should feel as guilty as me!"
"And we should all spread massive guilt, and spread it for free!"

Still Nick continued, despite all the ignoring
And all the shouts from the crowd saying "My God you're boring!"
You see, the Nick was determined to bring every Minne down,
Even though it was obvious he was just a cynical clown.

Finally the Nick started to have an effect,
As the Minnes good times he gradually wrecked.
Yes, those in range of his broadcast found their moods slowly sour,
And the Nick smiled weakly at his joy-killing power.

Thus it was in a radius of about one city block,
The State Fair was stolen by the Nick's boring talk.
Mini doughnuts weren't bought, and rides sat unridden.
And all fun, according to the Nick, was strictly forbidden.

"Success!" thought the Nick, in his tiny small head.
"One eighth of the Fair is basically dead!"
"This is the world as I want it, morose and gloomy."
"Exactly the effect I had on my old college roomy."

Suddenly, the batteries failed in the Nick's karaoke machine,
And the effect on the crowd was like a jolt of caffeine.
The fun crept back in to the Nick's sphere of gloom,
Like a breeze airing out a musty old room.

For the Nick this was the worst thing, the worstest thing ever.
The worstest thing to happen to him in nearly forever.
With his spirit thus broken, the Nick slithered away,
And Eva Young followed, in total dismay.

In the distance the Fair continued its fun celebration,
Much to the Nick's total and complete consternation.
"Next year I'll bring more batteries!" he yelled, shaking his fist.
He then went back home, where he's still sitting there, pissed.

Oh, Hello.

Sorry folks, I was out yesterday and over the weekend. I'm swamped right now, so I can't post, but I will share this Google search that landed somebody on my blog:

"why+am+I+so+suspicious+of+my+girlfriend"

Dude, it's because she's CHEATING ON YOU, dumbass.