Rambling Rhodes

MASTURBATION ADVISORY: STOP BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF!!!

I Got Nuthin'

I don't think this is writer's block so much as it is writer's depletion. This week has drained me of everything. Putting up with one of the more monumental A-holes within IBM will do that to you.

I am always aware, at least just a little bit, that there are plenty of assholes in the world, but this week was a jarring reminder of just how close those assholes actually are.

Dealing with assholes is one of the most draining exercises in the world. They think they're right, about everything, even when they're wrong, about everything, and they're not afraid to be extreme jerks about everything. There's a part of them that actually takes glee in being social pricks.

As such, I have nothing to offer. I'm drained. I got nuthin'.

Maybe something will come to me later, but I doubt it.

UPDATE: Yes, I'm aware that I fit many of my own criteria about what an asshole is. However, I like to think of myself as a minor asshole. Carry on.

MTV's Influence On The Political Process, Or Lack Thereof

I don't think much of MTV. Honestly, I tend to think MTV has been dead for the last five years or so and nobody bothered to bury the corpse, opting instead to walk by it once in awhile to see how the decomposition is coming along.

Oh, I suppose it may have some spasms left in it, whenever it discovers that the 13-22 year-old deomographic wants to see a little more nudity or some guy hitting another guy in the nuts with a baseball bat, or they want to see how the fossilized remains of Ozzy Osbourne are doddering along. But, when it comes to the great music video revolution it sparked in the early 80s, well, those days are just a distant memory.

Therefore, whenever I hear of another MTV "get out the vote" campaign, I can't help but feel that the message is largely falling on deaf ears. When your typical sexually frustrated 15 year old tunes into MTV hoping for a little masturbation while watching Aguilera or Spears in their latest softcore porn music video, they're just not going to be swayed by a "Choose or Lose" voting campaign. They'll switch channels, simple as that.

Clinton was lucky. He was able to appear on MTV towards the tail end of MTV's relevance. A presidential candidate? On MTV. That's soooo cool! Compare that with John Kerry's recent MTV appearance, where the senator looked about as immobile as Andrew Jackson on a $20. It just didn't work. Although, to be fair, I'm basing all this entirely on the clips I saw last night on "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" so what the hell do I know?

The questions asked of Kerry were some of the most pathetic probings I think I've ever heard, and Kerry simply had to feel like he was being interviewed by a turnip. But, still, pandering is pandering, and it has to be done. You know what, though? When that one kid called in and asked the burning question "Have you ever been cool, and are you cool now?" I could scarcely believe my ears.

Anyway, that's all I really have to say on it. One of my daily reads, Lileks, however, conducted a thorough dissection of the appearance, and I encourage everyone to drop by and see what he has to say on the matter. It's great. An excerpt:

We stopped pretending we would ratify Kyoto. We only spent $15 billion on AIDS in Africa. We did not take dictation from Paris. If we had done these things, it would minimize the world’s anger.

Is the world angry at anyone besides America and Israel?

UPDATE: Whoops. I just realized I pulled the exact same quote that Instapundit did. Oh well, great minds thinking alike and all that, I guess.

Just A Thought

It's fascinating to watch a Bush Administration, largely perceived to be proud, stubborn and unwilling to admit mistakes, being critiqued by established Big Media organizations guilty of the same.

UPDATE: And yet another in a long string of reasons why the U.N. is a big steaming pile of diplomatic horseshit.

Feeling Horny. . . Down There

What? What did I do?

Fingering Things Out

I'm not sure why, exactly, but lately I've noticed an upsurge in the number of people who feel compelled to give me the finger.

Maybe it's spring fever.

Granted, I can be a fairly opinionated person, and some may even argue that I can be kind of a jerk. And, as such, I can understand that not a day will go by that I don't seriously irritate at least one person. Actually, I can kind of consider the day a failure if I don't.

However, over the past couple of weeks, I've noticed people giving me the finger for no apparent good reason. Take, for example, last night. I went for my routine five-mile run. I came up to a crosswalk, and the walk sign was flashing that it was okay for me to walk. Of course, I was running, but I generally tend to think they're the same thing, at least as far as the "WALK" sign is concerned.

Suddenly, an automobile tootled at me from my left side. Apparently, a carload of teenage motorists had attempted to turn right at the same time I jogged into the intersection which, you may remember, said it was okay for me to do so.

I looked to my left, and I saw the carload of teenage motorists, in unison, giving me their fingers. Wishing to further observe this phenomenon, I stopped in the crosswalk and stood there looking at them. This, in turn, led to even more dramatic finger-waving compounded with a menacing "VRROOOOM!" as the driver pressed on the accelerator as some sort of warning to me, I guess.

The problem I have with the finger is that, as a communicative device, it's kind of a dead end. When someone gives you the finger, they're both starting and finishing a conversation. There's really no room for debate once someone flashes the finger.

Oh, sure, you can respond with a finger of your own. But, again, you're not really saying anything by doing so. I mean, yeah, you're expressing your indignation at having been given the finger, but you're not bringing anything more to the discussion table than what was already tendered by the original finger-giving party.

As I've stated before on this blog, I just can't get offended by the finger because it doesn't take enough effort to develop. It's like a switchblade for the hand: sure, it surprises you when it appears, but from a distance it's not really that bothersome.

So, with a carload of teenagers flipping their finger switchblades at me from behind a car windshield, I wasn't particularly taken aback.

Well, with the "WALK" sign now flashing a warning red, I stopped observing the carload of finger-waving youths and continued on my run. The driver, angry and young and stupid, decided to express his youthful rage by screeching his tires and squealing around the corner and burning rubber for the next 25 feet or so.

The driver was, apparently, completely oblivious to the presence of a police car waiting patiently at the red light behind them. What transpired was one of the shortest police pursuits in history. The driver, noticing the flashing lights and the siren behind him, despite a haze of tire smoke, promptly pulled over about 200 feet from the scene of the peel out.

I jogged over to a spot directly across from them on the other side of the street, where I stood patiently until the driver noticed me, at which point I gave him a very happy finger.

I'm not sure, but I think I heard the police officer laughing as I continued on my run.

A Photo Essay, Because Now I Can Post Photos

This is me, and my girlfriend, Melissa. We have sex, by which I mean I insert one of my important body parts into one of her important body parts. Personally, I'm just grateful that she gets naked in front of me.

Sometimes, I feel blue, so very sad.

Other times, I feel very angry. I feel so very angry, in fact, that I can't even be consoled by the presence of Precious Moments figurines in the background.

I'm a black belt in hapkido. I'm very proud of this. Being a black belt is helpful, because I can stand like this for minutes on end, which is great for airing out my nut sac.

I'm very artistic and creative. It took me almost two hours to build this snowman on a shitter.

Sadly, despite how great and wonderful I am, and despite the fact I'm a smoking hot specimen of male hunkiness, some day I'm going to die, and apparently two other people are going to die right next to me. Those poor fuckers.

Dirty Mushroom

Did this work? Can you see my ass?

UPDATE: And, and to you people who are using the hand curser to poke at my bung hole. . . THANKS! Harder! Do it! That's it! Push it!

Checking Things Out

Hello? I'm here. Please work.