Rambling Rhodes

The Geode Twin Nobel Prize/Moon Nuking Liveblog

9:43 a.m. - (Ryan) Couldn't figure out why Bob and Tom referred to our president as a Peace Prize winner while driving to work this morning. Now I know. The Peace Prize is now the equivalent of the prize in a Cracker Jack box.

9:46 a.m.- (Caroline) It should be noted the Geode Twins were also nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for excellence in ridiculousness. Missed it by that much.

9:51 a.m. - (Ryan) Personally, I think we should bomb the moon at least once a week. It would be a great way to cap off a Friday at 5 p.m. You see the lunar nuclear flash, and you know it's Miller time.

10 a.m. - (Caroline) Breaking news: Obama didn’t win the Nobel Peace Prize. Turns out he just “won” a lifelong membership to Barnes and Nobel. Awkward--but common--mistake.

10:10 a.m. - (Ryan) Next year, the Nobel Peace Prize should go to the person who approved the bombing of the moon.

10:11 a.m. - (Caroline) NASA nukes the moon and Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize on the same day. America: FUCK YEAH.

10:22 a.m. - (Ryan) MSNBC.com: "No big flash from NASA’s moon crash" This is probably the first headline in history that mixes flashing with mooning. It's impressive actually. Also, I'm amused by the concept of the moon "hanging brain."

10:27 a.m. - (Caroline) From this day forward, any historic events that occur in pairs on the same day should be known as “Moonin’ the Nobel.”

10:31 a.m. - Just read on Twitter: "Slow year for #peace." I had to leave the office so I could LOL.

10:36 a.m. - (Caroline) Obama winning the Peace Prize even though the deadline for nominations fell two weeks after his inauguration is like Ryan winning the Father of the Year award … now. What? Too soon?

10:44 a.m. - (Ryan) HEY! I'm not saying that was uncalled for, but I feel obligated to feel at least somewhat outraged.

10:46 a.m. - (Caroline) Yikes, things get ugly early on the Geode liveblog. If I call a truce to this War of the Geodes, will I get a Nobel Peace Prize?

10:47 a.m. - (Ryan) If Barack Obama played for the Twins, they'd for sure beat the Yankees.

10:52 a.m. - (Caroline) A mother of six in Texas gave birth to two sets of twins, 10 months apart. Let’s go ahead and give her “Moonin’ the Nobel” props. The thought of six kids makes me want to take a nap, never mind two sets of twins 10 months apart.

10:58 a.m. - (Ryan) You'd think for $79 million we would have seen some sort of lunar damage. Then again, it cost over $1 trillion in stimulus and bailout money to damage the economy, so what do I know.

11?08 a.m. - (Ryan) I hereby award myself the Pulitzer Prize for that column I wrote about poop and farts. No, not that poop and fart column, the OTHER poop and fart column. No, the OTHER OTHER poop and fart column. Just give me the fucking Pulitzer already.

11:10 a.m.- (Caroline) Anyone else wonder if someone nominated Obama as a joke? You know, like in high school when the jocks would nominate the fat nerdy girl for prom queen. Looks like your plan backfired, huh? I’m looking at you, Sarah Palin.

11:20 a.m. - (Ryan) BREAKING NEWS: Nobel Peace Prize to be renamed "Current-U.S.-Presidents-Who-Aren't-George-W.-Bush-Prize." Obama projected to win for at least the next three years.

11:28 a.m. - (Ryan) MSNBC.com: "Taliban touts ‘Nobel violence prize’ for Obama" The Taliban sucks, but they have a sense of humor.

11:30 a.m. - (Caroline) Coverage of moon nukin’ on msnbc.com: “Scientists analyze readings sent back from impact for signs of water ice.” Water ice? That sounds super scientific.

11:46 a.m. - (Ryan) Re: The Obama Nobel, it's as if millions of voices cried out in WTF? When even Fark commenters can't understand why he won, there's a problem.

11:50 a.m. - (Caroline) Winning the Nobel Prize:

12:06 p.m. - (Ryan) I like to think we bombed the moon just to prove to the moon that the moon is our bitch.

12:18 p.m. - (Caroline) I know the Peace-Prize nomination deadline was five months before the Beer Summit, but I’d like think that played a part in Obama’s win.

12:24 p.m. - (Ryan) I'm just happy to know, in today's politically charged world, people can still stand up and mock the decision to give Obama a Nobel Prize. Way to go, Nobel committee, you've brought the Nobel Peace prize down to the level of winning a "Razzie Award."

12:37 p.m. - (Caroline) A theory why Obama won: The Norwegian Nobel Institute wanted to prove to Kanye West it does, in fact, care about black people. Buried at the end of the press release announcing Obama’s win was a statement claiming Beyonce did have one of the best music videos of all time. One of the best music videos of all time.

12:48 p.m. - (Ryan) We should all recognize that the concept of nuking the moon isn't new. Man, I remember reading that when it was first authored, for crying out loud. I'm old school.

1:18 p.m. - (Ryan) MSNBC.com "GOP chief scoffs at Obama's Nobel" Nobel Scoffing is going to be another character in the book I'm probably not going to write some day.

1:42 p.m. - (Caroline) Will Obama throw a party to celebrate his NPP win? I really hope so, if only to give Aretha Franklin another reason to wear a cah-raaaazy hat.

2:10 p.m. - (Ryan, but also Caroline)

Caroline: We should write a movie called Good Gib Cutting and then go on to win Oscars for writing said movie. Also: RObin Williams.

Ryan: "Good Gib Cutting," the story of a boy prodigy, Nobel Scoffing, who is corrupted by the evil Ponzi Schemer. . .

Caroline: Please tell me Lord Wangley is in this story.

Ryan: Cockington? He's the psychiatrist who guides Scoffing through his troubled past.

Man, we have fun.

Caroline: We do indeed.

Ryan: Lord Cockington Wangley. . . Sounds like a pornstar who appears in an upscale version of Ghetto Booty.

Caroline: The premiere version of Ghetto Booty.

Ryan: He wears a monocle.

Caroline: A shaded monocle.

Ryan: No, no! A monocle with a flip-up shade!

Caroline: Dwayne Wayne style!!

Ryan: I was going to mention Dwayne Wayne, but I wasn't sure if you'd get the reference.

Caroline: How could I not?!

Ryan: One of the great ironies of television history was the transformation of Dwayne Wayne from geek into sex symbol.

Caroline: Family Matters took it to the next level with Steve Urkel and Stefan

Ryan: OMG. I forgot about that. Urkel created a machine that made him hunky, right?

Caroline: Absolutely.

Ryan: Because that's totally believable.

Caroline: Now THAT deserves a Peace Prize.

2:20 p.m. - (Caroline) Obama gives his NPP winnings to charity, claiming “1.4 million dollars isn’t even enough to nuke the moon.” **scoff, scoff**

2:23 p.m. (Ryan) Compared to the over $1 trillion in taxpayer money Obama's basically given to charity over the past year, $1.4 million is a mere driplet.

2:53 p.m. - (Caroline) This has nothing to do with Moonin’ the Nobel, but it’s so awesome it needs to be included. A man in South Carolina was arrested for driving his lawn mower to order food at a restaurant drive-through window. Naturally, he was drunk. Officers found him a few blocks away from the restaurant yelling, “Anyone want their mow lawned?”

2:59 p.m. - Anyone want their moon bombed?

3:27 p.m. – (Caroline) It’s time for me to sign off for the day. I’m hoping a Nobel laureate finds this liveblog and nominates us for the 2010 NPP. Keep it real.

Policing the News

With all the recent focus I've been bestowing upon being a new father, I've been remiss in my duties to you, my most cherished four readers, when it comes to bringing you the news and events that have been largely lost amidst all the headlines about such useless things as healthcare reform, swine flu and our President's favorite color.

For example, while most of the major media outlets have been endlessly analyzing whether the U.S. military should remain in Afghanistan, or whether Jon or Kate should have full custody of the Plus Eight, you likely were left unaware that a woman in Nebraska was accused of throwing a dog at a police officer; which, let's be honest, is pretty compelling news.

According to an Oct. 6, Associated Press news report out of Lincoln, Neb., "Police said a woman will not face charges for throwing a dog at an officer during a domestic violence investigation. Police said the woman was holding a small dog when officers arrived, and at some point, she threw the dog, named Flash, at an officer."

You can almost imagine the officer in question filling out his incident report. "It happened so quick; all I saw was a Flash, and then it was over."

Moving on from one terrible joke to something that's hopefully far more amusing, we turn to Boston, where fall is in the air, leaves are on the ground, and bullets are fired at neighbors for the egregious sin of leaf transgression.

According to an Oct. 5, Associated Press report out of Boston, "A man pleaded not guilty to armed assault with intent to murder after police said he shot his neighbor over a leaf-dumping dispute."

You have to wonder how a leaf-dumping dispute can escalate to the point shots are fired.

NEIGHBOR #1 (with Boston accent): Hey! What ah yah doin'?! Yah cahn't dump yah leaves in mah yaahd!

NEIGHBOR #2: Ah'll dump mah leaves whe'ah Ah want to dump mah leaves!

NEIGHBOR #1: Ah cahn't undahstand what yah're sayin'!

NEIGHBOR #2: Ah cahn't undahstand what YAH'RE sayin'!

NEIGHBOR #1: Oh yah?! Undahstand THIS! Bahm! Bahm! Bahm!

Yes, even the bullets have Boston accents. It's a tough city.

Also in the world of overreactions to everyday annoyances, a Massachusettes couple beat up a man because they were displeased with the slowness of their Kentucky Fried Chicken service.

According to an Oct. 2, Associated Press report out of Norwell, Mass., "Authorities say a couple, upset over the slowness of their Kentucky Fried Chicken order, assaulted a man who asked them to stop yelling profanities for the sake of children in line."

To be fair, KFC service can often be a bit slow, and their macaroni and cheese is usually served at temperatures so cold it could stop time, but this couple clearly needed to focus its ire on KFC rather than a fellow patron who had tired of their repeated "effenheimer" utterances. Frankly, public profanity has become so commonplace, I'm getting %$#&*$# tired of it.

So, there you have it; another installment of news you probably missed. Join me next time when I'll be back to discussing the joys of fatherhood. Specifically, I'll be delving into the diverse world of newborn diaper changing, a rich comedy area I'm sure no one has ever explored before.

More From the World of WTF Advertising

I don't know what's more disconcerting here: the fact colon cleansers are so hip right now they warrant their own advertising, or that the truth about them is so shocking it can leave a woman aghast, momentarily disabled by cock-sucker's cramp, in front of her monitor.

The Era of WTF Advertising

One of the hugely unfortunate aspects of the ever-expanding world of the Internet has been the proliferation of largely nonsensical advertisements. Companies eager to have their ads get some kind of attention, ANY KIND of attention are resorting to all sorts of animated tiles that seemily have nothing whatsoever to do with the product or service being advertised. A prime example:

I mean, seriously. WTF?

Nose Job

Like Sands Through the Hour Glass

I should note, for the sake of future reference, that I was given a fourth stripe for my blue belt Friday night (10/2/09). Perhaps 2010 will be the year I test for a purple belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. New parenthood responsibilities could impact my training, although I'm thinking of possible ways to bring the boy to class, provided I can keep enough chloroform on hand to ensure he sleeps through the two hour sessions.