May 01, 2009
April 30, 2009
Why Caroline and I Are Bound For Hell
Caroline says: Every time I hear something about swine flu, I just think it's the past-tense version of that ol' saying "when pigs fly."
Ryan says: Media over-hype at its worst.
Caroline says: I'm wondering when we'll see: KILL ALL THE PIGS! THE PIGS MUST DIE!
Ryan says: Egypt already did that.
Caroline says: History repeats itself.
Ryan says: No. Seriously: http://www.smh.com.au/world/egypt-orders-national-pig-slaughter-20090430-aoew.html
Caroline says: I wasn't aware of that.
Ryan says: Slay all pigs as a precaution against a human-to-human transmitted disease. Reason #8,979 why the Middle East sucks.
Caroline says: Slay like an Egyptian ...
Ryan says: All the fops in the pig-killing shops Wayyyyy ohhhhh wayyyy ohhhhh. Wayyyyy ohhh wayyyy ohhhhh.
Ryan says: It's like a holocaust for pigs.
Ryan says: Swin-o-caust.
Caroline says: oinkocost
Ryan says: Brain waves = SO CLOSE.
Caroline says: Wicked close
Caroline says: I was going to do swinocost, but I thought that was too obv'
Ryan says: Oink-schwitz.
Caroline says: 8:36 a.m.: We've reached hell-worthy level.
Ryan says: Oink-schwitz sounds like a really nasty-tasting beer.
Ryan says: "Exterminate your liver with Oink-schwitz."
Caroline says: Swine Swill
Ryan says: "When you're out of good beer, make Oink-schwitz your Final Solution."
Ryan says: If I ever write under a pseudonym, it will be David Hannnardlers.
Ryan says: Or Thomas Hitler.
Caroline says: Tommy!
Ryan says: We kind of have a Nazi theme going to our convo today.
Caroline says: Must be Thursday.
Ryan says: We need to make a banner to hang downtown that says "Have a Happy Nazi Thursday!"
Ryan says: I'm thinking the skyway over Broadway.
Ryan says: Ooh, ooh, better yet. "Jew All Have a Happy Nazi Thursday!"
Caroline says: Nazi Thursday? I thought it was NAKED Thursday?
Ryan says: Why not combine them?
Caroline says: And offer free cotton candy and circumcisions.
Ryan says: Naked Nazi Thursday: When Being Naked and a Nazi Feels Just Reich.
Caroline says: That's bound to be only the best Thursday ever.
Ryan says: I wonder, if I post this convo to my blog, whether we'll be visited by homeland security.
Caroline says: I wonder what kind of house-warming gift homeland security brings when it visits.
Ryan says: A waterboard.
Caroline says: Practical and affordable. That homeland security is good.
Ryan says: They always know just what to get you.
April 29, 2009
April 28, 2009
Now, if I could just get reparations
Okay, first, a little family background. My sister-in-law is a single mother with an adorable two-year-old daughter, who now qualifies as my niece. The two-year-old niece happens to be dark-skinned, owing to the fact my sister-in-law's choice of bedmate a few years ago happened to be of Dominican origin.
Okay, next, a little jiu-jitsu gym background. One of my fellow students is a very dedicated, nice individual who has an unfortunate pre-disposition to talk pretty much all the time. And I do mean ALL the time. I'm a pretty quiet guy in person, having adopted the philosophy many years ago of "it's better to be thought a fool than to speak up and erase all doubt." Therefore, conversations with my fellow student are largely a one-sided affair, with me nodding or saying "oh, really," from time to time.
Well, a couple weeks ago, my wife and I were babysitting our niece, and we were enjoying an outing at the local mall, where I happened to see and wave at my fellow jiu-jitsu student. I thought nothing of the chance encounter.
Now, a brief pause. For visual reference:
So, last week, I was at the gym, changing in the men's room, when my fellow student came by to chat. During the course of the one-sided chat, I got the feeling he really wanted to ask me something, but wasn't sure how best to approach the question. Finally, he just came out with it:
"How much black do you got in you?"
Now, in any other circumstance, this question would have left me completely at a loss. However, almost as soon as he asked the question, I remembered seeing him at the mall when my wife and I were babysitting our niece, so the pieces fell together in my mind with impressive rapidity, considering the obscurity of the question.
Bear in mind, I'm about 50 percent Irish, with sprinklings of Norwegian and French to round out my ancestry. In other words, I'm whiter than freshly blowing snow, and my wife is, if anything, even whiter (hell, her maiden name was "Whited," for crying out loud).
"Dude, that was my niece you saw me with last week," I quickly explained.
"Oh, well, I was just wondering," he said, and he could have let it be at that. Instead. . .
"Because you do have some black features."
Granted, I was changing in the men's room, so he may have been referencing. . . oh, who am I kidding? I have absolutely no idea which features he was referencing.
In the end, we established I'm pretty much a white guy, and he seemed satisfied with my explanation.
Jiu-jitsu can be wierd.
April 27, 2009
Shameless attempt to boost traffic
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