April 04, 2009
April 03, 2009
April 01, 2009
Toilet Talk
Ryan says: You know, I'm just as tall as Ashton Kutcher.
Ryan says: Which should tell you how short all those other guys on "That 70s Show" actually are.
Autumn says: he could be 5'4" and still get more ass than a toliet seat
Ryan says: I really don't think anyone can actually get more ass than a toilet seat.
Autumn says: I bet he could
Ryan says: Because, quite frankly, a toilet seat is designed for getting ass.
Ryan says: It's the sole reason for a toilet seat to be.
Autumn says: well, I bet he gets more ass than a bear's toliet seat
Ryan says: And, really, if I was getting more ass than a toilet seat, I'm not sure that's the kind of thing I'd walk around bragging about.
Autumn says: I would
Ryan says: Not that's just silly. A bear's toilet seat is the "woods."
Autumn says: No, a bear doesn't have a toilet seat
Ryan says: Otherwise, we'd be saying things like "Does a bear shit in the toilet?"
Ryan says: No, a bear shits in the woods.
Autumn says: I got a post card from my brother, when he was in Alaska, of a bear sitting on a toilet
Ryan says: And post cards never lie.
Autumn says: so true!
Ryan says: It must have been a black bear. A grizzly could never fit on a toilet.
March 30, 2009
Sheikh, Sheikh, Sheikh, Senora!
Based off this, the most awesome lede paragraph to grace a news item since the invention of the printing press, I'll be crafting limericks throughout the day that include the term "Anal Sheikh." And, because I'm particularly lazy today, I'm giving myself poetic license to use both pronunciations of Sheikh, including the one that rhymes with "shriek" and the one that rhymes with "steak."
*Ahem*
A woman, whom we'll call "Anal Shiekh"
Is gifted at a certain sex technique
Men come from afar
Pay in Iraqi dinars
And none can walk right for a week.
There's a dance craze called "Anal Shiekh,"
The moves of which are quite tough to make
You put your right foot in
And that's just to begin
There's no describing how much you will ache.
Prince Abdullah is one anal sheikh
If you'll pardon my hard-edged critique
Stuff sand in his ass,
The sheikh will shit glass.
In the Arab world, this isn't unique.
Anal Sheikh, so they say in hushed tones
Goes up and down like the Dow Jones.
When she's penetrating
You'll need iron plating
Or you'll feel it deep down in your bones.
Advice commonly spewed by Anal Sheikh
Is you must simply turn the other cheek.
Don't do it, man!
She'll wreck your can!
That woman's an unconscionable sneak.
When risking it all, and there's much at stake
The last person to turn to is Anal Sheikh
She'll always screw you,
And your little dog, too.
Trusting her would be your biggest mistake.
