Rambling Rhodes

Unexpected LOL!

I encountered this image on Fark, of course, and I just kept laughing and laughing and laughing. Damn it, it just totally strums my funny bone.

Mmmm, bone strumming.

Repeat Performance

It's hard to believe, but it's been four years since the sensational duo of Kerri Walsh and Misty May impressed the world by winning Olympic gold by doing something with a ball.

Well, a lot has happened in four years. Kerri Walsh may still be an impossible 6'3" tall, but Misty May apparently went and got married or something, resulting in the far less awesome name "Misty May-Treanor," which saddens us here at this ThunderJournal, but the duo's repeat gold performance in China for. . . well, I guess they did something worthy of a gold medal once again. Let's see some of the hot, er, amazing action.

Here we see Walsh and May-Treanor winning the gold for best girl-on-girl hug. They won style points for tight bikini bottoms and synchronized dual arm embrace.

In this event, Walsh was awarded several points for being able to leap the height of her teammate whilst keeping her knees locked together in a most appropriate, lady-like position. A proper lady reveals nothing.

This position, referred to as the "Double Yowza," signifies oneness with the surrounding sand. Teenage boys also refer to this as "The Sticky Hand Towel."

As you can see, Walsh is a very patriotic woman and. . . HOLY CRAP SHE HAS NICE ABS!

Here, Walsh demonstrates the "Flamingo Stalk," while May-Treanor shows the "Double Hams."

In about the only image I could find of an actual volleyball (it's the blurry sphere in the background and. . . who really cares?), Walsh is shown executing "The Attacking Flamingo," while May-Treanor responds with an "Improved Ham View."

Ooh, they lost several points with this one. As you can see, Walsh maintains a near-perfect knee lock while forming "Dual Fists of Triumph," but May-Treanor let all modesty go right out the window as she combined "Dual Fists of Triumph" with a completely unnecessary "Splayed Baby Maker."

And finally, showing they're both all about maintaining international relations, Walsh and May-Treanor embrace their Chinese opponents, who couldn't resist a wandering ham grab of their own.

Once again, ladies, congratulations on winning gold in whatever it was you won gold in. And thank you, oh so very much, for wearing what you wear and looking like you do.

I need to be alone now. . . with my thoughts.

All That's New is Old Again

David Grenier (a man who agrees with me about as well as a raw habanero agrees with my stomach) had a pretty interesting take on the role of the Internet in politics in general, and John McCain's self-proclaimed online illiteracy, specifically.

One thing about being stuck in front of a computer eight or more hours every day; you spend a lot of time thinking about the evolution of the Internet. I remember thinking, back in 2004, that the Internet of 2008--blogs and other personal online journals, specifically--would be THE vehicle that would steer the election.

But, a funny thing happened over the last four years: blogs and other online journals became considerably less remarkable. Oh, sure, they're still out there, broadcasting into the online ether, but the Web has become ridiculously more diluted nowadays. MySpace, FaceBook, YouTube, online forums and comment engines on everything from Amazon.com reviews to practically every news and opinion piece posted by most news organizations, have unintentionally conspired to make online commentary tedious at best, laughable and insane at worst. In other words, the Web has just become a literary garbage pile of comments and general nonsense.

What's more, as media outlets continue to catch on to the emerging world of search engine optimization (SEO), and they realize the importance of appearing in the top 10 or 50 search results of a given keyword or keywords--and they dedicated the money and man hours to attain the best SEO--the pendulum, in my opinion, is swinging back in favor of the mainstream media. Blogs and other online journals, and MySpace and FaceBook posters, for that matter, have neither the time, inclination or resources to dedicate to something as intricate and boring as SEO, so their sites slip farther and farther back in search results.

The point being, the 2008 election cycle isn't being nearly as guided by the marketplace of online ideas as I thought it would be all those four years ago.

UPDATE: I should specify that I think news organizations like MSNBC.com and CNN.com and the like are what I'm referring to when I say "mainstream media."

Newspapers are still pretty much fucked.

Olympic Advice

To: National Media Organizations

From: Me, The World's Foremost ThunderJournalist

Allow me to first preface this by saying I've been guilty in the past of relying on hokey turns of phrase in my writing, and particularly when conjuring headlines (which is one of the more challenging journalistic writing exercises, in my opinion).

Thankfully, with the Olympics in full swing and the Republican and Democratic national conventions looming large on the horizon, we've mercifully been spared another round of "Pain at the Pump" headlines, so that's been nice. I'm not foolish enough to think they'll never return, but a respite is a respite.

However, your coverage of the Olympics has produced a bumper crop of headline groaners, to say nothing of an over-reliance on time worn cliches. For example, when two or more women in an event happen to win gold medals, calling them "Golden Girls" in a headline is, well, pretty retarded, as are similar permutations on the "gold" theme, such as "Golden Moment," "Golden Performance" or "Going for the Gold." I will accept "Michelob Golden Light Draft," but only during commerical breaks.

Which brings me to your latest egregious annoyance:

Okay, we get it. . . the guy's last name is "Bolt," and he's a fast runner but. . . really? REALLY? That didn't strike you as maybe, JUST MAYBE, a bit too much of a low hanging fruit? At some point, I'd expect an editor to look at it and say "Nahhhh, that's a bit too easy. And maybe a little annoying." But, there it is.

*sigh*

Bad Blawger

I know, I know. I've been deficient in my responsibilities as a blogger. Which. . . by the way, who was it who came up the official list of blogger responsibilities? I'm assuming there must be some sort of written documentation that outlines the amount of free-flowing guilt a person must feel for not writing about their most recent banal life recollection/anecdote/bowel movement/IM convo.

I imagine it's kind of like the "The Pirate's Code" as outlined in the "Pirates of the Caribbean" trilogy, also known as "Holy Crap, That First Movie Was Awesome, But the Next Two Couldn't Have Sucked Harder if a Worm Hole Married a Black Hole. . . Wait, Wasn't This Already Done by 'The Matrix?'"

Anyway, I was at a family reunion last weekend and didn't get home until late yesterday, so that's why I haven't been posting as per your expectations, whatever they may be.

Consider this post my "Get Out of Guilt Free" card.