I was up from 3 a.m. to 6 a.m. doing my level best to expell all stomach contents into the toilet via my mouth orifice. That, combined with a fevered sweat, means I'm out of comission today. I feel like death.
This is just my opinion, but I really think the federal government should do more to make February a less terrible month. I think a special committee should be set up, with a fancy name like "The Committee to Make February a More Enjoyable and Patriotic Calendar Event For All Americans."
I say this because, as it is, February is just an awful month. And it doesn't help the 2007 version of February--Feb. V2R007--started off with a temperature of 1 degree. Honestly, what kind of cruel joke is a one degree temperature? It's like Mother Nature dangled that degree in front of me, saying "You'd like some more degrees, wouldn't you?" It's enough to make me want to buy a trainload of coal and burn it in my back yard to get a jump start on this global warming thing-a-ma-bob.
At any rate, where was I? Oh, yes, I was complaining about February. You know going into February it's going to be a terrible month, simply by looking at the way it's spelled. You can actually tell that the person who named the month of February was probably cold to the bone.
MONTH NAMER: Let's-s-s-s-s-s call it-t-t-t-t, Febr-r-r-r-r. . . Febr-r-r-r-r. . . Febr-r-r-r-r-uary.
SCRIBE: I'm sorry, what?
MONTH NAMER: Febr-r-r-r-uary.
SCRIBE: Okay, you're the boss.
But, even if you take the marrow-piercing cold out of the equation, February is still the worst month of the year. I mean, just look at it. . . February holidays are just pathetic.
Feb. 2--Groundhog Day. I don't care how many times I see that movie starring Bill Murray and Andie McDowell; I don't need a holiday wherein a varmint tells me what I already know: namely, that winter will be around for awhile. Gee, thanks Mr. Hibernating Rodent. I couldn't figure that one out on my own.
Feb. 14--Valentine's Day. Look, even forgetting a few less-than-stellar Valentine's Day fiascos in my past, this is still an irritating holiday. It's not enough that you simply love your significant other; no, there's a calendar day where you really have to ramp up the love. It's not enough that you're practically forced to watch home decorating television programs 364 days out of the year; there's also a day designated when you have to watch home decorating programs AND buy flowers and chocolates. Incidentally, Feb. 14 is also "Race Relations Day," so you should really get out there and have relations with somebody from another race. Granted, this could run counter to some of the concepts behind Valentine's Day, but if it means I have a chance of being with Salma Hayek and Tyra Banks, so be it.
Feb. 19, President's Day--As luck would have it, both Abraham Lincoln and George Washington were born in February. Unfortunately, they were born on different days. The U.S. government thought about this problem for years and years, and it was ultimately decided giving students two days off from school just wasn't acceptable, so they threw a dart at a calendar and decided on a single "President's Day." Now that I'm no longer in school, I don't even get this day off, so I could care less about President's Day.
Feb. 20, Mardi Gras--This holiday only matters to New Orleans, and college bars around the nation that hand out beads to women who flash their breasts. Seeing as how I don't live in New Orleans and am no longer in college, I spend this holiday in a particularly bitter mood.
So let's get out there and get this month over with! After all, March 1 is my birthday.
Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker. Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker. Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker.
I hate that guy. I hate how he dances. I don't have any idea who he is, or if he has any children, or if his children are also shadowy dance-bots. I know nothing about him, but I hate him. I hate how ubiquitous he is. I hate how excited he seems to be about a mortgage rate. Nobody's happy or excited about a mortgage rate.
The weather forecast for Rochester, Minn., for Saturday, Feb. 3, 2007?
High: 0
Low: -12
That's Fahrenheit, people.
Lots of winter left to endure.
Okay, I don't really care if Al "My Voice Is Freakishly Annoying" Franken makes a run for a Minnesota U.S. Senate seat or not. It's not high on my "give a shit" meter. And, honestly, I don't really care if he let fly with a non-funny joke about a dead gay man back in the 70s.
What I DO care about is this moron's excuse for Franken's ancient and unfunny joke.
Not a pleasant tale, and one that Franken should respond to very carefully. He was who he was, and it's hardly surprising that a former prep wrestler and comedy writer of that era would say such things.
Screeeeeeeeeeech! Excuse me?! Please, do go on. . .
Amateur wrestlers, because of the enormously homoerotic nature of their sport, tend, in this country, to be incredible homophobes.
*blank stare* *shakes head, looks around* Did anybody else just read that? Homoerotic nature of the sport of wrestling? Is this guy for real? Let's see if he'll be so kind as to dig himself further into this prejudicial hole of his.
If there is one thing they refuse to associate wrestling with, it's gay sex.
Oh, not me! I danced and sashayed my way out on the mat for every match I ever wrestled. I'd give my opponents the once over, snap twice, and say "Helloooooooo, nurse!" Aside from getting taunted by BASKETBALL players that wrestling was just two guys rolling around with each other, the concept of gay sex didn't even remotely factor into my wrestling experience. It's not that we "refused" to associate wrestling with gay sex; it's that equating gay sex with wrestling just didn't compute.
Now, if you can watch that and think "gay sex," there's a very high probability you may, in fact, be gay yourself. Note: yes, some of the music is sort of gay. And I'll even allow that some of the celebrations at the end were. . . questionable.
[Note: I should have made it clear that I was speaking to MY experience with wrestling which covered the Dan Gable era from start to finish.
Uh, so what? The Dan Gable era? DAN GABLE! Possibly the greatest wrestler of the modern era? That was wrestling's gay era? Hey, buddy, that was the era of Disco! That whole decade was gay. Compared to disco outfits, wrestling singlets were practically trenchcoats.
I've since had some folks tell me that their experience was different.
Really?! Their wrestling experience wasn't choked with gay innuendo? Do tell! You mean wrestling hasn't been a hotbed of homophobia for the vast majority of wrestlers past, present and future?
And I certainly have no clue what prep wrestling has been like since Gable,
No, you have no clue. . . PERIOD. You're a clueless, quivering puddle of monkey spunk.
but Franken's wrestling career was decidedly during the early Gable era.]
Man, when this guy makes an excuse for someone else, he sure sinks himself deep in the muck and mire of his own rampaging prejudices.
President admonishes "It's not as easy as you might think."
Washington D.C. (Rhodes Media Services)--President Bush today warned Iranian officials against taking any action in Iraq, and urged Iranian President Mahmoud Amadinejad to "really think this one through."
"I have some experience with this," said Bush during a hastily organized press briefing. "I'm here to tell you, this whole Iraq thing is way more complicated than Iran may be prepared for. Iran, listen to me, please: it's not as easy as you might think."
Bush read from a list of items he didn't think Iran was prepared for in the event the neighboring country decided to take action in Iraq. For example, he doubted whether Amadinejad was really ready for a protracted engagement in a country experiencing daily violence, adding "because, honestly, that's damned tricky."
"Oh, and also, don't expect your approval ratings to stay on the top peg, either," noted Bush, almost as an afterthought. "I mean, I can handle it, myself; but you, Mahmoud, you kind of strike me as the meglomaniacal type who may be prone to mass killings of your own people if your approval dips around the 30 percent mark. Do you really want that? No, I didn't think so. Let us take care of Iraq; you have your hands full dithering with Syria and Lebanon. That's a pretty full plate."
Just a machine-%c2%bb-archives-%c2%bb-on-truth-and-%e2%80%9ctruthiness%e2%80%9d/">shout-out to Mitch here. Mitch, I'd love to be able to mix it up in your blog's comment section. Really, I would. The chance to make fun of Angryclown, PB (jbauer), Fulcrum and the boys/girls would be great. But, since your stupid comment engine no longer recognizes my password, I'm relagated to the position of observer only.
Oh, and Angryclown really needs a carrot rammed up his butt.
