June 03, 2005
Attack of the big ugly ants
About a month ago, during a pleasant evening of laying on the couch and watching TV, my girlfriend started to mildly freak out.
"Oh my gosh, Kat must have cut his lip or something!" she exclaimed.
As a point of clarification here, I should explain that Kat is one of the cats that roam the house. His brother, Kit, also roams the house at will. I'm mostly indifferent to both animals, except when it's my turn to empty the litter box or clean up a hairball, during which times I somewhat despise them.
I looked over at my girlfriend, who was attending to Kat with the concern one would otherwise expect to see expressed by an Army medic assessing the wounds of a fallen comrade. She was very, very worried about Kat's apparent split lip. For Kat's part, he just seemed happy that he was getting so much attention.
I did my boyfriend duty and starting inspecting Kat's lip. There was, indeed, something irregular about it. There was a jagged piece of something black protruding from his lip. However, since there was no apparent blood, I came to the conclusion that something was simply stuck to his lip. So, I went and retrieved a tweezers.
Clasping the unknown lip object in the tweezers, I started to pull, much to Kat's apparent displeasure. Just when I thought the cat was about to bite me in retaliation, the foreign object detached and, upon further examination, I realized that it was a fairly large ant head. Apparently, Kat had been toying with an ant earlier in the day, and the ant bit him on the lip just before Kat swallowed the rest of the ant's body. I really didn't put too much thought as to where this titanic battle between cat and ant took place. Until last week. . .
Last week, my girlfriend was out in the porch, exercising on the treadmill, when suddenly she ran into the house and started, once again, to mildly freak out.
"There are some huge flying bugs in the porch," she said urgently, and I immediately knew it was my boyfriend duty to squash the airborn insects.
As I set about smooshing the insectoid creatures, I started to wonder how in the heck so many large, winged ants managed to get inside the porch. My question was answered when, while searching for other flying ants, I noticed a swarm of large, black, ugly ants squiggling in and out of a space between the wall and the window.
I feel I should note here that, while I'm a tough, swaggering male when it comes to killing individual insects, when it comes to confronting dozens of ants pouring from a hole in my wall, I jump back and scream a little bit like a girl.
A little investigation revealed that I very likely had a colony of carpenter ants nesting somewhere within my porch walls, and what I learned about these ants brought me to the conclusion that I really didn't want them living there. What transpired was a week-long battle between myself and the hundreds, if not thousands of carpenter ants that had taken up abode in my porch walls.
I tried ant bait traps, which the ants didn't seem all that interested in. I also caulked around the outside of the house, cutting off entry points I was pretty sure they were utilizing to get within the walls. So now, they can't get in. That still left the pesky buggers that were already inside.
Finally, I sprayed insect killer directly in the space from where I originally saw them emerge. After several applications of the spray, I think it's safe to say I wiped out most of them.
If not, I'll send the cats out there, because apparently they're pretty good at hunting ants, even if the ants manage to get a parting bite in once in awhile.
June 02, 2005
My Halo 2 Experience
When I read awhile back that there were people actually making considerable tournament money playing the popular X-Box game sequel, Halo 2, I was naturally intrigued. You can make money playing video games? It’s like every geek dream I’ve had since I was 12 years old.
The drawback, however, was that I didn’t own Halo 2. What’s more, I didn’t own an X-Box. What’s even more, ever since PC-based Command & Conquer came out years ago, I’d barely even touched a video game console. The last console I owned was a Sega Saturn, so my opinion of game consoles had ended on a particularly sour note.
The obvious solution to not owning an X-Box or Halo 2 was to go out and play Halo 2 on somebody else’s X-Box. To accomplish this, I consulted the 14-year-old step-son of a good friend of mine. What transpired was about three hours of getting schooled in Halo 2 by a 14-year-old who made a habit of sighing loudly at my incompetence, and pointing out obvious facts like “you’re really bad at this” and “I’ve never played anyone this bad.” Not surprisingly, such constructive criticism did little to improve my game play.
Don’t misunderstand me, I did actually enjoy playing the game. Visually, it’s a stunning achievement and, as first person shooters (FPSs) go, I can see why it could be an addictive pastime with legions of devoted fans. That said, I don’t think I could ever be one of those devoted fans.
It boils down to this: PC-based FPSs have spoiled me. I have been conditioned by nearly a decade of PC gaming to play using a mouse and a keyboard. It’s what I know and understand and, in my opinion, there no better way to play an FPS than with a mouse and keyboard.
Playing Halo 2, I was consistently vexed by the X-Box controller. There are just so many buttons, to say nothing of those maddening dual thumb-sized joysticks that I couldn’t toggle to save my soul. Oh, sure, I could see the avatar being run by the impatient 14-year-old sitting next to me, but I couldn’t target him even if somebody offered me a briefcase full of cash. The right thumb toggle required a precision touch that most surgeons would envy. I’d see my enemy coming toward me, and I’d try to maneuver my targeting reticle over the oncoming assailant, only to pass by him by several yards. Then I’d try to come back, and I’d overshoot him yet again. Only about one out of every 20 shots found their mark, which simply wasn’t enough to finish him off before he got within range and fragged me with a sword (which he used because “it at least made it a little challenging”).
My solution, such as it was, was to run around the map until I found a tank I could drive. I learned that landing precision shots with a tank wasn’t all that necessary. All I had to do was get a round in close, and the concussion would do the rest. This technique worked for awhile, until my opponent started zooming in close with a speeder, disembark, jump aboard my tank, and slice me where I sat.
I experimented with other techniques, weapons and vehicles through the course of my Halo 2 trial. Some worked briefly, others not at all. So, we switched over to collaborative play which. . .whereas I thought a 14-year-old sighed a lot and was overly impatient during combative play, I was in no way prepared for the level of impatience encountered during collaborative play.
“Come ONNNN,” I’d hear. “What’s taking you so long? Where ARE you?”
Again, such impatience did little to actually improve my Halo 2 playing ability.
So, I won’t be playing Halo 2 again in the near future. Although I thought it was visually stunning, and the overall FPS game concept was great, I just can’t see myself weaning away from the mouse and keyboard approach to FPSs, on which I’ve grown to depend.
Besides, I didn’t win any money playing Halo 2, which was what attracted me in the first place.
Hmmmm. Maybe later.
Ryan says: Damn you VITSEEEEE!!!!!! http://msnbc.msn.com/id/7912464
Caroline says: "You just see them glistening in the sun. It’s just gross."
Ryan says: I'm sitting in here, giggling at the whole article. Too funny.
Ryan says: "Disposing of trucker bombs, aka torpedoes or pee bottles. . . "
Caroline says: I just got there
Caroline says: heh
Ryan says: And I can't stop imagining Vitse producing two or three of those of his own. Top of the line humor, I tells ya.
Caroline says: I love the poster. "Okay, one last time: This is not a urinal."
Caroline says: Oh, he's admitted to peeing in an empty soda bottle, but not a huge jug.
Ryan says: "Mowers 'hit them, they explode'"
Caroline says: heeeeeeee
Caroline says: best. subhead.ever.
Ryan says: Oh, God, I wish I had written that article.
Caroline says: Seriously.
Ryan says: Think of the Nick Coleman-like man-on-the-street interviews I could have conducted.
Caroline says: oh man
So true. So very true.
"We Need A fucking_preview.jpg">Deep Throat"
June 01, 2005
They Keep Pulling Me Back In. . .
Just when I think I'm taking a break from geo-political blogging, Joshua goes and punches all the right buttons, and I get sucked right back to it.
Oh, and Leblanc has some tits up on her blog, which took me by surprise today. It's safe for work now, but it wasn't when I dropped by earlier.
Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker. Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker. Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker.
May 31, 2005
Your Thoughts Betray You
Darth Vader can read your mind.
Seriously, he guessed I was thinking of "toilet paper" after only 17 questions.
Bob Barker Was Deep Throat?
Who knew he was fucking_preview.jpg">deep throat?
Bwahahahaha!
Read the last comment to this old post. Made me laugh.
UPDATE: Hmm, a little Googling on Pilchard Designs yeilds no valid results. That, and the fact that www.p-designs.com turns up nothing, I don't think the commenter's claim is legit. It still made me laugh though, and that's all that's important.
