January 15, 2004

Upon Further Review, Everyone Is Pretty Much Like Hitler

After A Lot Of Consideration, People Agree That All People Can Be Compared To Nazi Leader

NEW YORK (Rhodes Media Services) -- According to opinions gathered from 317,346 people worldwide by the organization, Comparison, Inc., most everyone agrees that, whether your political views lean to the left, right, or somewhere in between, practically everyone, if you put a little thought into it, can be compared to Adolf Hitler.

The opinion poll was conducted following a busy week during which the Internet gathering site of largely left leaning individuals, MoveOn.org, saw an influx of people comparing George W. Bush to Hitler, as well as Indymedia.com, where there was a recent attempt to equate American soldiers with Nazi SS troopers.

The surprising results conducted by Comparison, Inc., revealed that Hitler comparisons can be used to fit the personal profiles of pretty much every person who has ever lived, from world leaders past and present, to the every day ordinary Joe on the street.

"Oh, come on, Julius Caesar was so obviously Hitler," said Joseph Cambridge, 34, of lower Manhatten. "I mean, he declared himself dictator and totally messed with the way Rome was governed, throwing out the concepts of the mos mairorem entirely. Yep, if Caesar had come along after Hitler, I'm positive you'd be hearing about how similar they are. And, you know, while I'm on the topic, that neighbor of mine (Jack Tomlinson, 29) is kind of like Hitler too. He still hasn't returned my hot plate, that little Nazi-like fucker."

Such opinions were widely held, according to the Comparison, Inc., survey, which also found that a lot of people consider Martin Luther King, Jr., former President Bill Clinton, Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Joseph Stalin, Tony Blair, and countless neighbors and relatives, all bear at least nominal similarities to the Nazi fuhrer.

"My brother-in-law has a moustache that is sooooo Hitler," said Siegfried Heinz, of Berlin, Germany. "Plus, he dating some chick named Eva, which is right out of the Hitler book of relationships. Lousy fucking Nazi sonofabitch."

Posted by Ryan at January 15, 2004 11:17 AM
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