March 18, 2005
The Eternal Question, Finally Answered
Warning: This link absolutely oozes nerd.
March 17, 2005
Roll Your Own Kitty
I know that, for some of you, this .gif won't come through, but I had to try. I saw this earlier today and almost fell out of my chair laughing.
Blogs Do Not Equal E-Mail, duh
I just read this piece at the Star-Tribune Web site.
As if blogs haven't had to defend their credibility enough, now they're being equated with Internet e-mail spam.
A fellow arrived at the gym the other morning with a printout of an e-mail he'd received. "Listen to this," he said.
He then read a letter from an active-duty Marine sergeant describing how a Marine serving in Iraq had written to Starbucks asking for a donation of coffee. According to the letter, Starbucks had written back saying that "the company does not support the war, nor anyone in it, and would not send the troops their brand of coffee."
"I know this war might not be very popular with some folks," wrote the sergeant, "but that doesn't mean we don't support the boys on the ground fighting street to street and house to house for what they and I believe is right."
The sergeant urged a boycott of Starbucks.
I realize that I work in front of a computer all day, so I'm fine-tuned to the realities of e-mail spam and irritating forwards. If you take either at their word, you may as well forever go through life with a giant "GULLIBLE" stamped across your forehead.
For all the advantages of the Internet, it is still the most unaccountable of all media, precisely because there's no one to complain to, no one to officially and universally set the record straight.
As far as e-mail spam and forwards go, yeah. But the author here is ever so gradually trying to equate blogs and Web sites with e-mail spam, which is just incredibly skewed and unfair. Granted, you shouldn't take blogs and Web sites as the unvarnished truth, either, but they're generally 8000 times more reliable than freakin' e-mail spams and forwards.
Ultimately, Katz believes, Internet information sites will sort themselves out by their own reputations.
Meanwhile, it's worth remembering that some of what we find there is more froth than latte.
Some? SOME?!! Jeez, the same could be said for just about ANYTHING you can find in the mainstream media. Anything about Michael Jackson, or Martha Stewart, or Robert Blake, or Scott Peterson is basically froth. Where's the author's indignation about THAT?
I should send them my resume
UPDATE: Position has been filled. *sigh*
March 16, 2005
Risk
My blog is becoming more well read than I really ever thought was possible, which is a good and bad thing.
I started this blog as a means by which to strengthen my writing skills, which I think it's done, at least marginally. It also provided a much more interactive method of keeping a journal, which I thought was cool.
The downside of all of this is that, more and more, people I know are stumbling across this blog, and not all of those people, not surprisingly, are pleased about what they're reading here. That happened again today.
I'm torn about what to think here. On the one hand, I've always known that blogging under my real name and about my own personal experiences, thoughts and politics, entails a certain amount of risk. People I know and like could find something here that displeases or disappoints them.
On the other hand, despite all the self-assurances I pile upon myself that I'm being truthful and honest in my narratives, at least as far as I perceive them, my face still gets hot from a twinge of embarrassment or regret when someone I know drops an e-mail or comment saying they read something here that they didn't agree with, and that they'd like a certain post removed. That's still tough for me to swallow.
On the third hand, I can't help but think it's probably a good thing to get such subtle reminders that this blog is available for public consumption and, although I'm fine with people reading about me and viewing pictures of my rear, some of the people I mention here may be uncomfortable with the content.
At any rate, I got an e-mail today from someone I like and respect, and they didn't like something they read here, even though the post accurately reflected my thoughts at the time.
It makes me wonder about my approach to blogging, and whether I'm doing it right or wrong, or if there is a right or wrong way to blog.
Great Moments In My College Education
Greek Mythology Professor (GMP): History can be a deeply satisfying area of study, provided you have the right teacher.
Class: *Nods in agreement.*
GMP: The problem I see a lot with new college students is that they're not inspired by history because they had bad history teachers in high school.
Class: *Nods in agreement.*
Me: *Slumps back in chair.*
GMP: You know what's the worst? The worst is having a history teacher who is also the school's phys ed teacher.
Class: *laughs*
Me: *Slumps further back in chair.*
GMP: Raise your hand if you had a history teacher who was also the phys ed teacher.
Class: *about 2/3 raises hand, myself included*
GMP: You, Ryan, was your history teacher any good?
Me: He was my dad.
*crickets chirping*
Nick Column Vs Guns; Guns Win
Okay, today's installment of "Point-Out-Nick-Coleman's-Horrible-Writing-And-Logic" is almost too easy. So, let's begin!
DISCLAIMER: I'm really busy today, so I can only dedicate a couple seconds to this every once in awhile. Apologies for it's inevitable sloppiness. Sloppy though it be, it's still better than Coleman's column, I imagine.
There were a million moms at the Cathedral of St. Paul Tuesday.
Minus 999,979.
Great googily moogily. What is it with Nick Coleman attending poorly attended events? I wonder if he includes himself in the final attendee tally. Any bets?
Five years ago, the moms could have taken a run at a million. But five years ago is a long time, when you are talking about politics.
Five years ago, the Million Mom March turned out thousands against guns in St. Paul and then, on a beautiful Mother's Day in May of 2000, assembled three-quarters of a million strong in Washington, D.C., to demand that the nation's lawmakers put an end to the carnage.
It's one of those great leaps in Coleman logic that's so hard to grasp here in the world of reality. Leave it to Nick to try and draw a parallel between the Million Mom march five years ago, in Washington D.C., during a beautiful May day, with a totally different march in St. Paul, Minn. Gee, what a surprise: a St. Paul, Minn., "march," during the month of March, couldn't garner more than 21 marchers. What a shock. Of course, Nick offers up his own unsubstantiated hypothesis as to why there was such a poor showing.
But before we get to that, did you know that the Million Mom march was against "carnage?" That's some pretty sweeping legislation those moms were marching about. "Down with Carnage!"
It looked like they even had a chance. But that was then. Before 9/11, before President Bush let the ban on assault rifles lapse, before a government agency warned that terrorists can buy weapons easier than they can get on airplanes, before the National Rifle Association bought Congress. Before we stopped giving a rip.
So many straw men, so little time. So much incoherence, so little time. So much bad writing, so little time. I mean, seriously, "giving a rip?" The Strib should be ashamed but, seeing that it's the Strib, they're probably just proud. Yes, after 9/11, everyone has a gun. Yes, the "assault" rifle ban lapsed, and now everyone is on the street with an SKS with a filed down catch. And, you can actually view the receipt at the national archives that shows the NRA purchase of Congress.
On Tuesday, the remnants of the million moms mustered around the country to jog our conscience about the daily mayhem, the 82 Americans who are shot to death each day, including eight kids under 18 years old.
Won't somebody think of the children!
It was something called National Bell Ringing Day, an effort to focus attention on the fact that Congress seems more interested in protecting gun makers from lawsuits than protecting kids from guns. It would seem to have been a timely effort, with the country reeling from almost daily massacres.
Yep, our country is reeling. Daily MASSACRES! And, of course, you get a good dose of Nick Coleman splashing about unsubstantiated claims: "Congress SEEMS more interested in protecting gun makers." Anything to back that up, Nick? No? Hm.
But when the bell started tolling in St. Paul, only 21 "moms" had shown up, including a couple of priests and a few stragglers who joined the somber assembly during the 15 minutes it took to ring 82 times.
Oh, Nick, don't call yourself a "straggler." That's being mean to the real stragglers of the world. Don't belittle the stragglers so cruelly. They don't deserve to be lumped in alongside yourself.
"We have thousands of members and friends," said Million Mom organizer Mary Heller, who nevertheless seemed chagrined at the turnout. "And we're still fighting for the same thing we have been fighting for the last five years -- sensible gun laws."
There's that magic word again: "seem." Heller sure "seemed" chagrined. Maybe she was just constipated, Nick. You never know.
One thing Heller and the other moms wanted me to help them make clear is that they are not "anti-gun." Instead, they stressed, they are "anti-gun violence."
Hey, I'm not anti-KNIFE. I'm anti-knife VIOLENCE. Jeebus Christmas. Who ISN'T against gun VIOLENCE? Is there a "pro-gun violence" movement of which I'm not aware? Oh, wait, I'm sure in Coleman's mind, there is a pro-gun violence movement, and it's called the NRA. Just a guess on my part, but it SEEMS like a Coleman point of view.
OK. Point noted. But the victory goes to the gunslingers: If not even the mothers can come right out and say they hate the bloody guns, then it is clear: The bloody guns have won.
Suddenly, Coleman is channeling a British Lord. Those bloody guns. Also note: the victory goes to the gunslingers. One imagines a motley crew of cowboys, draped in gunman dusters, wildly shooting their peacemakers in the air in victory. YEE-HAWWWWWW.
*sigh* This is getting tiresome, so I'll just excerpt a few other idiocies in the column:
Today, we don't care about stopping gun violence. Today, we discuss what kind of handgun best suits your mood and complements your outfit.
Just the other day, I was buying a pair of hiking boots and I thought: "you know, a .38 Special would look GREAT with these. Unless I'm feeling somber, in which case a .50 calibre Desert Eagle would look ravishing.
Americans don't have the will to put the guns away. We are a gun-toting, gun-loving, gun-happy bunch. With blood on our hands.
The only gun I actually own is a .22 rifle, which I haven't used in years. No blood on my hands either. Oh, wait, I do have a hangnail that's seeping a bit.
More than 150,000 Americans have been shot to death since those million moms went to Washington in 2000, including more than 16,000 kids. The kill rates have been falling somewhat since the moms first marched, but some of the improvement is due to the morbid fact that big-city emergency rooms have gotten better -- through experience -- at saving people who are bleeding to death.
Anybody else spot the unsubstantiated claim? If not, here it is: but some of the improvement is due to the morbid fact that big-city emergency rooms have gotten better -- through experience --
No one cares about this anymore. Americans love their guns and they have made peace with the price of having guns under their car seats and on their nightstands and in their closets and in their loved one's mouths.
Just the other evening, my girlfriend was twirling a Colt .45 barrel in her mouth in that coy way of hers, and I just had to tell her: "Honey, please, stop it. I need to get up early tomorrow. If you need to shoot, shoot a cat." *Cover my head with a pillow * *BANG!*
As for the rest of the column, I'll leave it to you to read, if you feel the need to torture yourself. It's typical Coleman dreck. You've been warned.
March 15, 2005
March 14, 2005
Beer blogging
It's the complimentary beverage part of the evening, so I stole away quick to sip a Miller Lite and tell you something about Chicago. Seeing as how I only left the hotel/conference grounds once to go to dinner last night, I can't tell you much about Chicago.
But, Chicago is expensive. I bought a pack of gum and a small bag of Combos yesterday, and it cost me just under $7. I bought a Diet Coke 20 oz. this morning for $2.16. To put this into perspective, I'm used to pop machine 20 oz. sodas for $1.10, and a pack of gum and combos would normally cost me about $2.30 or so.
The snow also falls up here in Chicago. Okay, that's only partly true. I'm on the 23rd floor of the Hyatt Regency on (heh) Wacker Drive and, this being the windy city, from my 23rd floor perspective, the snow actually appears at times to go upwards.
Oh, and judging by my recent comment log, my blog is getting spammed big time from some fucking spammer called Spy Software. Ironic. I banned their IP address. We'll see how long it is before they change it. Damned spammers.
A bunch of the editorial and sales staff for the magazine is supposed to go out for Chicago-style deep dish pizza tonight. We'll see if it's as good as I've heard.
No Smoking
So, I'm going through my hotel room last night. I open a nightstand drawer, and what do I find? I find a cigarette ash tray, with a label on the bottom of said ash tray reading "This is a non-smoking room. Thank you for your cooperation." So, why provide the ash tray in the first place? That's kind of like placing a big cardboard sign on the bed that reads "This is a non-sleeping room. Thank you for your cooperation."
Never mind me. Carry on.
March 13, 2005
Chicago
I'll be in Chicago until Tuesday evening. So, if I don't blog much until about mid-week, that's why.
