March 17, 2005

I should send them my resume

I nominate me.

UPDATE: Position has been filled. *sigh*

Posted by Ryan at March 17, 2005 11:27 AM

GRENIER NEWS SERVICE - A scandal has emerged in the offices of Minnesota's largest daily newspaper as its star columnist, Ryan Rhodes, is found to have posed n[u]de for an internet web-site.

Conservative groups who had originally hailed the hiring of Rhodes as an "unbiased voice in the liberal Jew-run media" have distanced themselves from the scandal.

"We're not sure this type of internet pornography is the type of family value we want to promote," said Lester Szechs of the organization Conservative Republicans Against Pornography.

"And lets face it, this guy's no Jeff Gannon," Szechs added.

Star-Tribune spokesmodel Jeff Doolittle said the paper was still investigating the scandal. "All I know is that's one mushroom you don't want smothered in Swiss Cheese on top of your hamburger."

Ryan Rhodes stated that the photographs in question were merely "a youthful indescretion." He then demanded to know who leaked the photo to GNS. "It was that taintlicker Nick Coleman, wasn't it?"

He added, "Damn you Nick Coooooleman!" and shook his fist at the sky in a comical manner.

Posted by: David Grenier at March 17, 2005 12:57 PM

That was some seriously laugh out loud shit. Oh, man, I think I peed myself, but only a couple drops. Keeeriiist that was funny!

Posted by: Ryan at March 17, 2005 01:14 PM

Seriously, tho, you gonna apply?

Posted by: David Grenier at March 17, 2005 02:06 PM

You know, I was kind of joking when I put this post up, but now I'm figuring "Why not send them a resume? The worst that could happen would be nothing at all. I'll have to dig around my computer tonight and find my resume. This might be fun.

Posted by: Ryan at March 17, 2005 02:40 PM

YOu definitely should. I mean, considering how one of your justifications for writing about your hatred of Nick Coleman has always been that you harbor a particular resentment of him not because he's liberal (oh no) but because you think you should have his job....

well, here's your chance to have his job.

I'm sure they'll wind up picking some boring-ass professor of business or something, though.

Posted by: David Grenier at March 17, 2005 04:14 PM

Jesus, what, is Josh dead or something? Is he on some kind of self-imposed exile from Rhodesdesia or something? How am I the only one responding to this?

Posted by: David Grenier at March 17, 2005 04:17 PM

Kick ass, Ryan.

But you'd still do the Coleman dissections, right?

Posted by: Jim at March 17, 2005 04:40 PM

Josh is moving to Europe in a few months, so that makes him infinitely better than us, and not worth responding to.

Technically, I wouldn't be applying for Coleman's job; I'd be applying to be Coleman's colleague, which. . . *shudder*

And, liberal or not, you can't escape two aspects of Coleman. A) He's a terrible writer. B) His reporting "research" is just plain awful. He's bad at the craft he's been practicing for over 20 years. That's just sad, and just a tad annoying to me. I wouldn't say I "hate" Nick Coleman, but I certainly don't profess to like him all that much.

Posted by: Ryan at March 17, 2005 04:41 PM

Go for it! I second your nomination.
And seriously David, that was hell funny! I especially liked your C.R.A.P. acronym.

Posted by: donna at March 18, 2005 08:11 AM
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