January 20, 2009

Inaugural Liveblog

11:05 a.m. -- MSNBC.com reports, and I swear I'm not making this up: "The National Mall swelled into a vast, pulsing scene of expectation Tuesday. . ." A new president, or a freakishly awesome dildo? You decide!

11:10 a.m. -- Star-Tribune reports, and I swear I'm not making this up: "From Kenya and Indonesia, where Barack Obama has family ties, to Asia, Europe, Africa and Latin America, Obama represented a volcanic explosion of hope for better days ahead." Is the Media aware that it's pornofying the inauguration?

11:13 a.m. -- I feel compelled to "try my hand" at an inaugural lead paragraph, using current articles as a guide. *Ahem*

"The rapturous orgy of inaugural onlookers anxiously awaited the annointing of their new president, who promised to baptize them in a rolling wave of sweet Obama juice."

11:20 a.m. -- Rochester Post-Bulletin article headline, and I swear I'm not making this up: "Minnesotan still haunted by German invasion"

Wait. . . what?

11:28 a.m. -- Just in case you weren't aware:


11:40 a.m. -- Caroline says: So, there's an inauguration poem. Care to offer your own version of an inauguration poem?

Ryan says: Oooh, OOOH!

Caroline says: I KNEW it.

Caroline says: I'm listening to this poem now. It's not really poemy.

Ryan says:

It's rumored our President Barack
Is equipped with a 20 inch cock.
A dick so enlarged,
You KNOW who's in charge.
Other leaders just stand there, in shock.

Caroline says: Good God, man.

11:56 a.m. -- New President Stares Menacingly At Teleprompter


12:07 p.m. -- You wouldn't think the inauguration would lend itself to a baseball season opening day metaphor treatment. . . you'd be wrong.

12:27 p.m. -- MSBNC.com reports, and I swear I'm not making this up: "New first lady wears Isabel Toledo." Oddly, you can sing that headline to the tune of "Where in the world is Carmen San Diego."

12:42 p.m. -- For good measure, here's a simply awesome Fark PhotoShop thread.

2:47 p.m. -- Sorry for the light posting. Despite all the hope and change that's in the air, I'm still apparently required to do work. Damn.

Posted by Ryan at January 20, 2009 11:06 AM | TrackBack

That inauguration poem is the best I've ever heard. It's perfectly suited to the media's coverage of the event. Good job!

Posted by: at January 20, 2009 11:53 AM

Be as cynical as I know you're going to be, Ryan. I'm inspired, thrilled and looking forward to Obama's administration.

Welcome to the dawn of a new day in America. Maybe Obama will gaze upon Minisoda and warm it up some for ya.

Posted by: Erik at January 20, 2009 12:05 PM

I don't know where you're picking up "cynical," Erik. I'm primarily making fun of the Media's treatment of the inauguration which, if you're paying attention, is just a tad. . . fawning.

Posted by: Ryan at January 20, 2009 12:15 PM

12:42 p.m. -- For good measure, here's a simply awesome Fark PhotoShop thread.

Ah yes, dozens of simply awesome photoshop renditions of our new president as Osama bin Laden. Those are just hilarious. Much funnier than Bush Hitler jokes. Well spotted.

the Media's treatment of the inauguration which is just a tad fawning

Yes, but that's only because the media has a massive liberal bias. It certainly has nothing to do with George W. Bush being the worst president in modern history, and the end of his administration being a gigantic relief for every thinking person in the world.

You know, if it hadn't been for Sarah Palin, I'd be nearly as happy to see John McCain sworn in today.

Posted by: Joshua at January 20, 2009 01:22 PM

Oh, please, Joshua. I don't know how much you troll around Fark, but they're a pretty equal-opportunity basher when it comes to PhotoShop contests; that I linked to an Obama PS contest on the DAY OF THE INAUGURATION is wrong HOW? Unless you weren't aware of the countless PS contests over the years of Bush, Cheney and the like. Get a grip. There will be plenty more Obama PS contests. It's Fark, for crying out loud. There are no sacred cows there.

Incidentally, the OBL entry was pretty stupid; I was far more entertained by the Obama face foot shop. That one got me laughing A LOT.

Posted by: Ryan at January 20, 2009 02:01 PM

The one where his head is turned upside-down, but his face is right-side up is easily the winner:


Josh -

Take a Xanax and shut the fuck up.

Posted by: LearnedFoot at January 21, 2009 11:05 AM

LF, Fark did the same thing to Lileks' Strib picture a couple years ago. Totally made him look like an Amish.

Posted by: Ryan at January 21, 2009 11:12 AM
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