Sandwich of Ruin!

Shaving Can Be The Pits

It's generally understood that I, Ryan Rhodes, have what they call in the medical community as "an insane amount of body hair."

It's one of those cruel genetic twists of life. Top of my head? Nothing. The wind-swept follicles on top of my cranium long ago gave up any attempt to push forth a hair. It's a dry, cold, lifeless cranial tundra up top. No man's land.

But, aside from a horseshoe-shaped encirclement on which no hairs dare sprout, I'm generally a pretty disgustingly hairy guy. Granted, I'm still a smoking hot specimen of male hunkiness, but I'm a hairy one.

I won't go into great detail as to which body parts sport the most hair, although I will disclose that most of my follicular activity seems to take place around my equatorial regions.

Two of the bodily areas that have consistently pushed forth annoying amounts of hair have been my arm pits. My pits, since the earliest days of puberty, have been in overdrive when it comes to the production of pit hair. It's like I'm smuggling puppies under my arms.

And it's not your normal, curly pit hair, either. For some reason, my arm pit hair is long and fluffy, with some of the central hairs easily exceeding three inches in length. My pit hair is almost--dare I say it--luxurious.

So, last weekend, as I stood in front of the bathroom mirror performing assorted grooming rituals, which included plucking eyebrows, and trimming nose hairs, I decided it was time to do something about my luxurious arm pit hair.

I unleashed the pet clippers that I usually use to trim down my goatee, and I started buzzing back and forth over my wispy pit hair. After about two minutes worth of sculpting, I had cropped back the length to about a half-inch. That seemed like an acceptable measure; it cut things back substantially while leaving enough remaining to preserve the manly look of pit hair.

The pit hair detritus that had fluttered down into the sink was substantial. It was as if a very hairy mouse had crawled up out of the drain. I gathered up the little pillow of pit hair and deposited it outside in the lawn.

As for the scaled back arm pit hair, that took a little while to get used to. My arm pits felt sticky without the lengthy cushion that had once kept my arm skin from rubbing against my rib cage. Overall, however, I'm pretty pleased with the results.

Now I'm pondering going after some of the hairier regions of my equatorial region, but I won't talk about that right now.

Posted by Ryan at August 17, 2004 11:25 AM