May 01, 2002

Having a ball with News

Having a ball with News of the Odd
Sometimes, there's nothing of substance in News of the Odd, and other times I'm greeted with a headline like "Player Banned After Testicle Biting." Such a headline demands that I read further. Apparently, an Australian soccer player became entangled with an opponent and "could not breathe." In a "reflex reaction" he chomped down on the opponent's body, unaware that his teeth had clamped down on scrotum. Usually, my first reaction when I can't breath is to signal for help rather than biting the nearest nut sac, but to each his own I guess. "It was a split-second decision," said the strong-jawed Aussie. The biting victim suffered a perforated scrotum (excuse me while I flinch in absolute pain at the thought) and lost some blood, in addition to requiring a tetanus shot. The aspiring scrotum vampire is to undergo counseling before resuming playing.
I've taken more than a few shots to the groin area during my life. Truth be told, one of the most feared games of the elementary schoolyard was a demented exercise known as "Pecker Tag." I hated that game. Through high school sports, however, including football and wrestling, I never met an opponent who eyed my jewels and deigned to chomp them. Rest assured, however, if it had happened, and I was able to free myself from the evil-doer responsible for the deed, the audience would have been witness to the biggest ass kicking in high school sports history. They could have expelled me for all I would have cared. There's simply no place in this world for random scrotum biting. That's just wrong.

Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker. Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker. Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker.

Posted by Ryan at May 1, 2002 11:51 AM
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