May 03, 2002

Newsy Newsiness Let us travel,

Newsy Newsiness
Let us travel, you and I, to the sacred online news world of to make fun of today's headlines.
"Sex Slaves: Europe's Thriving Trade in Drugs, Guns & Women" This begs the question: What the heck am I doing sitting here in America when all the action is overseas? Okay, I'm joking. Mostly. Somehow, I find it entertaining to think of a bunch of proper speaking Brits haggling over a trade.
"I say, Hugh my good boy, I'll trade you even up for that saucy little tart on your arm. Surely I could tempt you with four AK-47s and a few kilos of heroin?"
"Tut tut, Langston. I can't simply hand over Veronica here for such a paltry trade. Throw in a couple crates of grenades and you'll have yourself a deal."
"Good show, Hubert. Good show. You drive a hard bargain. Now, let's go out for tea and crumpets."

According to a Washington Post poll, half of all Americans still feel unsafe following the 9/11 attacks. This just proves to me that pollsters are just getting lazy. Of course we feel unsafe following 9/11. Who the heck wouldn't? For one terrifying day, it seemed as if our world was literally falling down around us. Conflicting news reports abounded about scores of missing aircraft, while we were subjected to that horrifying footage of the second airliner slicing into the second World Trade Center building. Over, and over, and over, and over. So, yes, I feel a tad unsafe. I still go about my daily routine pretty much as usual. I flew to Hawaii over Christmas and to Nashville a couple of weeks ago, but there was an increase in trepidation on my part each time I boarded an airplane. And how does our government respond to our lingering fears? With a friggin color-coded alert system. How stupid is that?

Finally, unemployment in America is now at 6 percent, the highest level since 1994. As a relative newbie to the workforce, this percentage troubles me. Particularly here at IBM, where layoffs are almost a type of game. I like my job as news editor, and I'm a real fan of paychecks, so the prospect of entering the ranks of the unemployed is not at all appealing to me. I guess I'll just have to fall back on my secondary plan to win the lottery and retire at 27, purchase a Hawaiian island, populate it with scantily clad women, and spend the rest of my days eating peeled grapes on the beach. These are my modest goals.

Posted by Ryan at May 3, 2002 10:57 AM
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