July 16, 2002

An Ode to Spammers I

An Ode to Spammers

I checked my e-mail inbox today, as I so often do.
Many messages awaited me; in fact, 102.

There are many friends and family who send e-mails out my way,
But there is no one in my life named "Dr. Penis" or "debt Away."

Who is this "Madam Dominix" who wants to "Spank me till I hurt?"
And why are "Barely Legal Teens" offering to "Remove their shirts?"

I'm fairly happy with my penis size, though I have never measured,
And yet "Dr. Longwang" says a longer penis means longer pleasure.

I can't quite grasp the concept of a 27-year-old taking Viagra,
But "Jenny" with no last name says it will help me climax like Niagara.

I have no need for better mortgage rates, and my debt does not exist,
So the more I get these Spam e-mails, the more and more I'm pissed.

The faster that I click "Delete," the faster they come at me,
A Spam a minute I now count, and there's no end that I can see.

I do not need "XXX pics," and "Barnyard Fun" is disturbing,
The kind of shit people get off on is really quite unnerving.

I'll end by saying, "Knock it off" to all you Spammers out there,
What you opt to do instead of Spam, I really do not care.

As for the Spammers who will not stop, I offer up this curse,
May you be trampled by barely legal teens, or something far, far worse.

Perhaps your penises will grow and grow, until blood can't reach your head,
What good does a 20 inch penis do, when you're lying there all dead?

I hope that you get crushed by debt, and you're forced to go on the lam,
Because when you're running from the law, at least you cannot Spam.

Posted by Ryan at July 16, 2002 10:13 AM
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