July 15, 2002

I Really Don't Like This

I Really Don't Like This Bin Laden Guy

I like to think of myself as a pretty nice guy. I get along with most people, and I can tolerate those that really irritate me, and I don't get mean or violent unless somebody gets mean or violent with me first. Still, even though I've never met him, I have to say, I really don't like this Osama Bin Laden guy.

Now, I understand that he's somebody's son (one of over fifty siblings), and I imagine that he has quite a few friends that really enjoy his company but, overall, I wouldn't mind repeatedly delivering body blows and lacerating his internal organs for eight consecutive hours.

It's not that I'm being unreasonable. I have no doubt that he firmly believes in whatever laughable causes he professes to believe in, but every time I hear the term "9/11," I find myself harboring a deep dislike for the man, so much so that I wouldn't mind suspending him in a pool of animal waste for the remainder of his pathetic existence.

I can understand that he's a busy man, what with his agenda to destroy the American infidels and everything we represent (such as freedom of speech, gender and racial equality, and 99 cent coffee), but I kind of get tired of seeing his hairy face everywhere I go. For some reason, I'm gripped by a strong desire to knock out all his teeth and then make him swallow them, and then break his nose in such a way that it goes into his brain.

It's so unlike me to have these feelings and impulses, especially for someone I've never met. Perhaps if Mr. Bin Laden could come to Minnesota, we could get together for drinks and talk things through, and then I could break a bottle on the table and slit his throat from ear to ear. There I go again. What is it about this guy that gives me such an attitude?

I think it's because he's such an asshole.

Posted by Ryan at July 15, 2002 09:30 AM
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