November 06, 2002

Ugh, Republican Hangover You know

Ugh, Republican Hangover

You know how, after a night of excessive drinking with your friends, you wake up and the mere mention of beer, or the smell of your own alcohol-laden breath, makes your head pound like the one armed drummer from Def Leppard and you go sprinting to the toilet to see if there's anything to expell? And then, after your stomach muscles have finished clenching, you cough into the bowl three times for good measure, and then drag yourself in front of the mirror to ascertain that you do, indeed, look like absolute shit. Well, that's how I feel today after watching the Republicans take control of the Senate.

I simply can't look at any more today. The beaming face of Trent Lott makes me want to barf in a way usually reserved only for Jack Daniels residue clinging to my stomach lining. *erp* Oh, there's Norm Coleman, fresh off his victory over Mondale. *shudder* Huh, 20 of 36 governorships went Republican. *heave* *splash*

Yes, if pushed, I have to admit that I'm primarily a Democrat in nature. Sure, if I one day find myself to be a billionaire CEO of some ridiculously large corporation, I'll probably change my tune, but until then the conservative coalition called the Republican party strikes me as a pack of fat cats suckling the money teats of businesses that want to free themselves from such irritating government shackles as trust-busting and environmental safeguards.

Not that the Democratic party is flawless, God no. But, at least with the Democrats you have the chance to see genuine change, an experimental push in an unpopular direction because, in the end, it's the right thing to do. Or at least that's my idyllic view of how the Democratic party should operate. As it stands right now, the Dems have about as much direction as Stevie Wonder on a hunting trip in the Amazon.

Watching the Minnesota Democratic campaigns this year was akin to watching a roomful of toddlers trying to understand the complexity of an erector set. They couldn't find focus, and they couldn't find any issues that resonated with voters. All they could pretty much say was, "I'm a Democrat, and I stand for something, er, I think." And, when I voted yesterday, I felt strangely hollow when I checked a Democrat, because I couldn't remember any one thing they stood for, beyond the fact that they were Democrats. That's not voting, that's resigned indifference. "Well, whatever."

Not so the Republicans. I have to hand it to them. This year, they played the fear card brilliantly, focusing on the war on terrorism and Gulf War II to help scour over Bush's dismal economic record thus far. I honestly believe that the American public is still so scared of terrorism that they'll vote for a referendum calling for mandatory genital piercing if it means they can feel just a little more secure. And, as much as I despise the guy, "W" has a calming effect on people, like having a favorite uncle who doesn't know too much but who tells neat stories to take your mind off things. Which is why Bush's whirlwind campaigning for Rebublican candidates over the last couple of weeks worked so well. Bush shows up in Minnesota, and for the next few days you see newspaper front pages sporting his confused yet happy mug. "Bush is here! Bush is here! I feel better, so now I'll vote for Coleman."

So now we get to look forward to two years of Republican control, two years of watching Bush swagger around as if this election established a mandate for his presidency. War with Iraq can now proceed quickly, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I hate to think of the U.S. acting alone. We'll see even more corporate collapses quietly swept under the rug, we'll see drilling in Alaska for oil we're not even sure is there, and we'll see global warming get a jumpstart from relaxed government standards on emissions. In short, we'll see a whole lot of nothing being done when a whole lot of something could be getting done. Oh, my head just hurts.

*retch* *hurl* *ker-vomit*

Posted by Ryan at November 6, 2002 11:48 AM
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