December 18, 2002

Thunder in December and Condom

Thunder in December and Condom Shopping

Until last night, a thunderstorm in December in Minnesota would have been unthinkable to me. But, come about 10:30 p.m., lightning flashed across the sky, followed by thunder's booming report. It was like a visit from an old friend, listening to the windows gently rattling as the storm rolled through. I sat at my computer and closed my eyes and, for a brief moment, I genuinely believed I could step outside into humid summer air and breathe the smell of ozone. It was a nice escape, brief though it was.

I had to go condom shopping last night, and I chose Uber Target as my retail outlet because it's so huge you're guaranteed a certain degree of anonymity. Standing in front of a condom display is not something I particularly enjoy, especially if there's an audience. Condom pondering is best done in solitude. One thing I knew for certain: I did NOT want LifeStyles. I recently finished fighting my way through a 36 pack of LifeStyles. Sure, I should have tried a sample pack of 3 or so but, being the raging libido freak I am, I just HAD to grab the big box. I don't know where LifeStyles got their idea of Ultra Thin, but apparently they took a few pages out of the Hefty trash bag book. My girlfriend and I both gave them a big thumbs down, but we were determined to sex our way through the box. Mission accomplished. Never again.

Last night's condom sampling featured a 12 pack of Durex Ultra Thin, a tried-and-true brand that I heartily recommend. I also bought a six pack of Trojan Supra, whatever that means. Throw the word Supra on the end of a product, and customers flock. "Try new Depends: Supra, for when life's loads get to be too much." I often try to imagine what the check-out clerks think when someone buys condoms, particularly when, like me, you go through the check-out with two boxes of condoms, two Totinos pizzas, and a shower luffa. "What kind of freaky shit is this guy into?" At any rate, I am now re-stocked with baby blockers, which is a good thing because the girlfriend just finished her fall semester at the university, so she's going to be around a lot.

Just to boost traffic, I thought I'd repeat the name Vida Guerra. Vida Guerra. Vida Guerra. Vida Guerra. Vida Guerra. Vida Guerra. Vida Guerra. Vida Guerra.

Posted by Ryan at December 18, 2002 11:10 AM
Post a comment

Remember personal info?

StumbleUpon Toolbar Stumble It!