December 19, 2002

Oh, Pepsi How I Love

Oh, Pepsi, How I Love Thee

As I sit here, happily sipping my ritual morning Diet Pepsi, I drink the caramel colored concoction with just a tad more delight knowing that Pepsi has dropped its Britney Spears ad promotion. No more will I have to watch that despicable blonde floozy hawking the soda product I love the best. Good-bye, Britney, you no-talent, eye-candy hack. Write when you get work, preferably in the amateur porn industry where you belong.

Granted, I'm holding judgement on Pepsi's decision to adopt new pitch-woman Beyonce Knowles, a name that sounds like some sort of French genital rash. Again, she's stellar eye-candy, and she has the whole Austin Powers thing going for her, but it would be kind of neat if Pepsi took the time to find an unknown talent, a shy girl-next-door who can still stir the raging teenage male libido enough to prompt the acne-laden lads to jump forth from their Playstation consoles long enough to purchase a Pepsi product.

Sure, celebrities have their place in society, albeit a small self-absorbed place, but I just can't stand it when their tired mugs start saturating the marketplace promoting everything from soft-drinks to automobiles. Just because Summer Glau appears in a commercial for Pepsi Twist, does not mean the vile lemony brew approaches anything even bordering on tasty. Now, if she had been drinking a Pepsi Twist while getting it on with Billy Bob Thornton in Monster's Ball, I could possibly have a different opinion on the matter.

At any rate, Britney's gone! And my Diet Pepsi tastes better because of it.

Now, if they had Julia Stiles as a spokesperson. . . Mmm, Julia Stiles. Even better, a Julia Stiles. A Julia Stiles would make me drink even more Pepsi. Mmmm, Julia Stiles. *drool*

Posted by Ryan at December 19, 2002 09:58 AM
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