Where I'd Rather Be
It's gorgeous outside. Beautiful. I stepped out the door this morning and just felt compelled to stand still. I wanted to just lay down in the grass, close my eyes, and listen to the world spin. But, I forced myself to go to work, with a heavy heart, mind you.
I like cities. I live in Rochester, I spend about 30 percent of my week in the the twin cities, and I lived a year in Tokyo (which is such a gigantic city, you can't even imagine). But, in a small part of my heart, I'm a country boy. I don't want to be at work. I know, I know; who does? But today, as I stood in the driveway, soaking in the Friday sun, there was only one place I wanted to be.
There's this bridge, about 10 miles away from my hometown. It's deep in the country, pretty much an oasis in the middle of farmland. My friends and I called it Nort's Bridge, although I have no idea why. Talk about secluded, this bridge probably saw about two cars crossing it a day. In its heyday, it was a major high school party spot, with teens actually putting the keg in the direct center of the bridge. Yep, it doesn't get much more hickville than that. But, you know, whatever.
I favored the bridge because of its solitude. It was the one spot I knew of that you could sit and not hear the modern world. You couldn't hear cars, or airplanes, or the droning hum of electricity so prevalent in all cities. You could just hear the world as it would be without humans. That's where I wanted to be this morning, more than any other place. I wanted to rest my chin on the warm, rusted metal bridge cables, feel the sun on my face, and listen to the trees rustling with their newly unfurled leaves, and the birds singing, and the river lazily drifting below. Damn, I wanted to be there.
I forget, sometimes, that this life is mine for only a short while. I get caught up in the concept of getting ahead. I find myself wanting everything and I tend to look down on those who have nothing. And that's wrong. It's me, but it's wrong. Right now, at Nort's Bridge, there's no rich, and there's no poor, and there are no jobs to worry about, there are no relationships to maintain, there is no Internet, and there are no blogs. There's just the bridge, and there's the world, spinning. And I think I really might need that right now.
I always feel like I'm on edge, as if I have to be ready to respond to something. Respond to anything. Perhaps it stems from being attuned to deadlines, I don't know. In the ten years since I graduated from high school, I've become accustomed to this ambitious idea of being someone, and I've lost sight of just being, and I thought about that this morning.
But, I'm at work now, and I'm blogging, and the hum of the computer is to my left, and the sound of office activity is to my right.
And at Nort's Bridge right now, there's silence.
Posted by Ryan at May 23, 2003 12:20 PM
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