January 26, 2012

Punny Election Coverage

I try not to delve too much into politics nowadays, for a variety of reasons, but mostly because I find politics jarringly boring. Also, I've discovered there are a lot of people in the world who have an almost cult-like devotion to their political views and believe they have a divine right not to be offended. Such people are known as "soul crushing jerks."

But, I also have a deep appreciation for the art of puns, and with presidential candidates with names like Newt and Mitt, I can't help but jump in with my own brand of political punditry. Sure, it's been suggested puns are lazy writing, but I'm a lazy writer, so I'm fine with that.

First, a nod to the Republican presidential candidates who have already bowed out of contention. First, there was the former Minnesota governor who we heard Pawlenty about, even though he was about as exciting as soccer. Another Minnesota politician--the only woman in the field--also dropped out, which is too bad, because her craziness made politics almost entertaining, so it would be nice to have her Bachmann.

The Republicans also briefly fielded an African American candidate, but it eventually was revealed that if there was a woman he worked with in the past, chances are he harassed Herman. In the end, Cain wasn't able.

Which brings us to the remaining batch of candidates vying to take the country Barack from our current Obamanation.

I should note right off that I don't have a pun for Ron Paul. A man with two first names simply defies a pun treatment. So, I obviously won't be voting for him based entirely on that particular shortcoming.

Currently, the two frontrunners for the Republican nomination are Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney. Romney, a Mormon, has had to defend his religious beliefs, while Newt is viewed favorably by Christian voters, according to several polls. So, it was the Gingrich who polled Christians who won the South Carolina primary. Meanwhile, according to some news reports, in an act of Romney theater, he's turned to attack dog mode and has become a real Mitt bull on the campaign trail.

So, there you have it. The stage is almost set for the 2012 presidential election. Mark my words though: things are going to get ugly as the candidates cast off any semblance of Santorum in their quest to inhabit the White House.

While I personally don't have a preferred candidate right now, I tend to think a Mitt Romney presidency would offer the most opportunity for eye rolling puns.

In conclusion, I'm officially declaring "the Gingrich who polled Christians," to be the most brilliant pun ever written.

Posted by Ryan at 10:50 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 18, 2012


For those of you who have been wondering what my wife and I have been up to when it comes to the business I've mentioned here over the last few months, well, here you go.


Posted by Ryan at 01:02 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

January 13, 2012

Revolutionary Marketing

I've always been fascinated by marketing, by which I mean I've never given marketing much thought unless a company does something colossally stupid, marketing-wise.

Take this week, for example. In a keynote speech given during a presentation in Las Vegas, a Mercedes-Benz spokesperson used an image of Che Guevara to augment the concept of technological revolutions taking place in the automobile industry.

Leaving aside the irony of a luxury automobile company invoking the image of a Communist revolutionary who was anti-capitalist to his core, Guevara was, also, basically an insane guy who didn't mind killing a few hundred or thousand people who happened to disagree with him.

As good ideas go, this wasn't one of them. It's a bit like if La-Z-Boy were to use an image of, say, Hitler, reclining in front of a fireplace, saying "Ahh, Mein Kampfy chair!"

I always like to try to imagine the marketing meetings during which horrible ideas like this were hatched and approved. I mean, it takes a considerable amount of historical illiteracy to think Che Guevara is a good icon to rely upon for selling vehicles most people can't even afford. That's my polite way of saying it had to have been a room full of fairly young marketing interns, one of whom was maybe wearing one of those hip Che Guevara tee shirts that proves he's an outside-the-box thinker.

MARKETING INTERN #1 (MI1): Okay, we have to come up with a presentation for a keynote speech in Las Vegas in a couple weeks.

MARKETING INTERN #2 (MI2): Yeah, and it has to highlight the importance of technology in the automobile industry.

MARKETING INTERN #3 (MI3): So, like, technology is sparking a sort of, like, automobile revolution, or something?


MI2: A revolutionary! Like this guy! *pointing at his Che Guevara tee shirt*

MI3: Who is that guy?

MI2: I have no, like, idea. But, man, he was awesome!

MI1: He even looks awesome! A little sparse in the mustache department, but his hair and beret are wicked cool!

MI4: I'd totally buy a Mercedes from that guy!

MI3: Hold on. I'm getting an idea here. Let's replace that star thingee on his beret with the Mercedes logo!

MI4: I'm LOVING it!

MI1: This is just an epically great concept. I can't wait for the reaction Mercedes will receive when this presentation is given.

MI2: We'll get noticed for sure!

As bad as this marketing decision was, it's only a matter of time before some marketing person, somewhere, does something even more ill advised.

Mark my words, at some point you'll see a commercial featuring Ronald McDonald selling an anti-cholesterol medication while doing a jaunty dance in his oversize clown shoes.

What can I say? I have faith in the marketing minds of the world.

UPDATE: I can't believe I forgot about this, but there was something about "Mein Kampfy chair" that seemed too funny to have just popped into my head:


Posted by Ryan at 11:22 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 11, 2012

She'll Be Crawling In No Time

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January 05, 2012

Eugene Robinson Can Go Screw Himself

I've never thought much of Eugene Robinson's opinion writing, which always tends to resort to the lowest common denominator where everything boils down to racism. But his recent remarks on the Rachel Maddow show made me feel compelled to comment on his willfully ignorant stupidity:

"He's not a little weird, he's really weird," Robinson said of Santorum. "And some of his positions that he has taken are just so weird that I think that some Republicans are off-put. Not everybody is not going to be down, for example, with the story of how he and his wife handled the stillborn child. It was a body that they took home to kind of sleep with it, introduce it to the rest of the family. It's a very weird story."

For obvious reasons, this addled bit of thinking bothers me more than just a little bit. First off, it's not accurate; Santorum's son lived for two hours after birth. But that doesn't even really matter. A baby that was deeply wanted and loved, yet was stillborn or short-lived, is an epically tragic personal event.

And it's not just the loss of the child. When I think back to the loss of my son after only two all-too-brief days, we also mourned the life we had been planning (with ultrasound images we cherish), the family of five we were going to be but were no longer, the dream of raising a twin boy and girl (who were kicking at each other just minutes before they were born).

We sang the alphabet song and Silent Night to our lost son--not just a "body." We bathed him, put lotion on his body, and dressed him. We held him, and hugged him and, yes, we brought his tiny body back to our hospital room just because we wanted desperately to be with him for as long as we possibly could. When we buried him several days later, we held him and kissed him good-bye.

And, you know what? We're still mourning. We're still trying to find the light. This, a year later. And I'm not sure we'll ever actually find the end of this horrid tunnel. Just thinking about it brings me right back to the entrance.

So, tell me, Eugene. Does any of that strike you as "weird?" Because, it occurs to me that you seem to be confusing "weird" with "love." With all due respect, which is very little, I can't say I'm "down" with that.

Posted by Ryan at 08:29 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
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