January 26, 2012

Punny Election Coverage

I try not to delve too much into politics nowadays, for a variety of reasons, but mostly because I find politics jarringly boring. Also, I've discovered there are a lot of people in the world who have an almost cult-like devotion to their political views and believe they have a divine right not to be offended. Such people are known as "soul crushing jerks."

But, I also have a deep appreciation for the art of puns, and with presidential candidates with names like Newt and Mitt, I can't help but jump in with my own brand of political punditry. Sure, it's been suggested puns are lazy writing, but I'm a lazy writer, so I'm fine with that.

First, a nod to the Republican presidential candidates who have already bowed out of contention. First, there was the former Minnesota governor who we heard Pawlenty about, even though he was about as exciting as soccer. Another Minnesota politician--the only woman in the field--also dropped out, which is too bad, because her craziness made politics almost entertaining, so it would be nice to have her Bachmann.

The Republicans also briefly fielded an African American candidate, but it eventually was revealed that if there was a woman he worked with in the past, chances are he harassed Herman. In the end, Cain wasn't able.

Which brings us to the remaining batch of candidates vying to take the country Barack from our current Obamanation.

I should note right off that I don't have a pun for Ron Paul. A man with two first names simply defies a pun treatment. So, I obviously won't be voting for him based entirely on that particular shortcoming.

Currently, the two frontrunners for the Republican nomination are Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney. Romney, a Mormon, has had to defend his religious beliefs, while Newt is viewed favorably by Christian voters, according to several polls. So, it was the Gingrich who polled Christians who won the South Carolina primary. Meanwhile, according to some news reports, in an act of Romney theater, he's turned to attack dog mode and has become a real Mitt bull on the campaign trail.

So, there you have it. The stage is almost set for the 2012 presidential election. Mark my words though: things are going to get ugly as the candidates cast off any semblance of Santorum in their quest to inhabit the White House.

While I personally don't have a preferred candidate right now, I tend to think a Mitt Romney presidency would offer the most opportunity for eye rolling puns.

In conclusion, I'm officially declaring "the Gingrich who polled Christians," to be the most brilliant pun ever written.

Posted by Ryan at January 26, 2012 10:50 AM | TrackBack
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