The financial considerations surrounding all this unfolding human drama has been difficult for me to confront so far, for a number of reasons.
1) I just plain don't have the energy to deal with thinking about how we're going to pay for all this. All our energy is expended visiting the hospital and keeping our 16-month-old fed, rested and happy on the homefront. Taken together, it's all incredibly exhausting. Besides that, I'm basically resigned to some sort of indentured servitude when all is said and done.
2) Both my wife and I are simply sleep-deprived and not thinking clearly anyway and we certainly aren't lucid enough to cram our brains with numbers and financial options and loopholes.
3) I think there's a valid argument to be made that we're both just slightly depressed. I don't know what depression feels like, but I do know I haven't felt remotely normal, psychologically, since Finn died.
4) What efforts we have embarked on when it comes to securing aid has resulted in us being told we have too much in assets to qualify. In order to obtain medical assistance, you apparently first have to empty your bank accounts and renounce all wordly possessions. That's somewhat depressing in its own unique way.
5) We're simply focused on the day-to-day journey of eventually bringing Zoey home, even though by the time we do so, "home" could consist of a van down by the river.
Today, Zoey had her eyes open the widest they've been so far. She totally has her big brother Aiden's eyes, so much so, for a brief while today, she reminded me of the tense first minutes after Aiden was born during which he sleepily opened and closed his eyes.
Thankfully, I took some video of Zoey today, so I can compare and contrast her and Aiden.
It's funny what I get excited about lately.
I can't say adieu to the month of January emphatically enough.
Good riddance.
February 1, 2011, and Zoey now weighs 1 lb. 10.5 oz. A long ways to go, but she's come a long way. Some additional cloudiness in her lung x-ray this morning necessitated more steroids today, which always makes her more fidgety and anxious. Still, it's remarkable how just a few extra ounces of weight has made her face fill in.
All in all, she's doing very well--probably better than her parents, at this point.
