Rambling Rhodes

Learning to Ride a Digital Bike

You know, after 10 years of writing articles for newspapers, magazines and online newsletters, I'm finding it rather tricky to navigate this new writing world I find myself in now.

Now it's all about crafting text that will hopefully score big with search engine optimization (SEO) by targeting keywords and placing those keywords strategically within the text and in specific Web page design elements. It really is a whole different writing discipline requiring a whole new way of thinking.

The narrative approach of traditional journalism outlets that I've grown accustomed to is being retooled by this SEO content targeting model. I'm having my own difficulties learning this new writing style, but I'm adaptable, and for the most part the SEO format and rules pretty much make sense. Also, if the people around me are to be believed, the ability to write successful SEO content is a seriously valuable job skill, so there's that, which is nice if it's true.

But if SEO is the wave of the long term future, traditional online news outlets have a LOOOOOONGGGGGGG ways to go to even think about catching up.

Cats and Dogs, Living Together

Only on MSNBC.com can you see the headline "Is this the end of American capitalism?" and further down you see "Why sled dogs are super dogs."

Oh, also, President Bush needs to stop talking. Every public word he says about the economy makes the Dow drop 20+ points.

Are we there yet?

So, when do stock traders start jumping off tall buildings?

Reminds me of when the NASDAQ plummeted from around 5,000 (March, 2000, if I remember right) to below 2,000 about a year later. As I recall, I lost my job a few months after that. So, yeah, I'm a little concerned here.

I was originally pretty confident the DJIA would level out around 8,000. After this last week, I'm not so sure.

Godwin!

I was just going along, minding my own little workday, when Fark went and delivered another LOL gem:

If Fark didn't exist, I'd like the Internet 60 percent less.

Progress

I suppose I should be grateful that the spam e-mail I receive now has diminished to about one a day, and it usually has to do with "Affordable Viagra."

I didn't realize Viagra had become un-affordable. I really need to get out more.

Penis.

HA!

Evidence of an Economic Downturn

Well, it's official: the economy is in the process of becoming a smoking pile of debris. I've come to this conclusion based off considerable scientific evidence, which I'll detail here, for your convenience.

First and foremost, the number of news articles featuring images of Wall Street stock traders with their faces buried in their hands is up a staggering 900 percent from this time last year. Stock trader face burying images are a key economic indicator. When you see images of stock traders pumping their fist in the air, or shaking hands with colleagues, you can surmise the economy is strong. Face burying images, on the other hand, do not bode well.

Secondly, I've noticed rampant use of the term "meltdown" in reference to the financial sector. Now, "meltdown" as it's commonly known refers to a failed nuclear reactor, which melts down and causes people to grow extra fingers and toes. Therefore, extending the term meltdown to the financial sector would seem to indicate something pretty monumental. Come to think of it, it's kind of hard to envision a financial meltdown; oh, sure, you could melt down the coins, but the paper money would tend to burn up rather than melt down. Either way, it spells economic trouble.

Back during the early days of the financial meltdown, I witnessed another key indicator of impending economic duress. My wife is an avid fan of "The Suze Orman Show," which features a cute woman with sun bright teeth who yells at her callers for making bad financial decisions. My wife takes down notes during each show, and then doesn't do anything with those notes.

At any rate, during the early days of the financial meltdown, Suze Orman suddenly appeared on television for about 20 minutes, reassuring people about their financial situation and imploring them not to make hasty decisions. Throughout the 20 minute special appearance, there was an incessant backdrop of drums being played urgently and, I might add, annoyingly. Maybe it's just me, but 20 minutes of urgent drumming while a woman with snow white teeth tries to reassure a nervous viewership, doesn't seem to indicate economic stability.

Additionally, last week, my banking institution sent me a letter assuring me my financial assets were secure. Now, I'd never before been sent such a letter; I've been banking at my financial institution for the better part of a decade, and the only thing they've sent me in that time has been my monthly statement. Therefore, when I received a letter last week assuring me everything was okay, the effect, strangely enough, was opposite of that which was intended. I started to QUESTION the stability of my financial assets (which, I should add, aren't exactly substantial to begin with). Again, I feel this doesn't bode well for the overall economic future.

Finally, I feel I simply MUST mention the recent passage of the $700 billion federal bailout of the financial sector, a bailout that actually failed for about a week before it was passed after legislators tacked on a slew of extra "sweeteners" to assuage their local constituents. Two things actually come to mind:

First off, the term "bailout" isn't exactly reassuring. If you've ever been in a boat or canoe, or really any watercraft, requiring a bailout, you realize pretty quickly you're on a structurally-compromised vehicle. Now, if you're on a canoe on a river, a bailout MIGHT get you to shore, while if you're on a ship on the ocean, a bailout may simply buy you time while you wait for SOMETHING to happen. Either way, the boat you're trying to bailout is still a piece of junk. This is not, in my opinion, the analogy legislators and the media should have latched onto when talking to the American public about the financial sector.

Also, the term "sweeteners" would seem to indicate the original bailout plan wasn't particularly palatable to begin with. If you have to sweeten something, you screwed up the original recipe and are compensating with something that may help you swallow the original, but doesn't necessarily ensure the stuff won't regurgitate spectacularly all over the living room sofa.

All of this seems to indicate impending economic calamity, so expect a lot of future pictures of Wall Street stock traders burying their faces in their hands. Also, mention the word "meltdown" whenever you can work it into a conversation.

Unnecessary Extra Worry

I recently started watching "House" marathons. Is it wrong that I find myself thinking "hey, I've had similar symptoms at one point," and getting a little TOO involved in some of the episodes?

It could be because Cuddy is smoking hot for a 40+ year old.

I hope I don't have lupus.