April 04, 2008
That was interesting
That last post seemed to actually be encouraging more of. . . the activity in question, so I've taken it down.
April 02, 2008
My Tenuous Brush With Mixed Martial Arts Fame
Tommy Speer fights tonight in his first UFC appearance since his December loss in the "The Ultimate Fighter" finale. Tom trains at the boxing gym where I do my Brazillian Jiu-Jitsu training. He's an animal, and he's been training like one in preparation for this fight.
Later this month, on April 11, Travis Wiuff will fight in the YAMMA Pit Fighting debut. Travis also trains at the 4th Street Boxing Gym.
Both men are large and strong, and I'd consider it a happy life goal to never be punched by either of them.
UPDATE: Crap. Speer got K.O.'ed.
April 01, 2008
Nostalgia
As much as I love the crazy-cool graphics and realistic sounds of today's video games, I'll always have a place in my heart for the classics.
FYI
Doing a RickRoll does NOT constitute a clever April Fool's joke.
Also, a DuckRoll.
WANT!
All your base are belong to us.
Ryan says: "Super Pii Pii Brothers promotes good bathroom skills and allows women to experience for the first time the pleasure of urinating while standing."
Caroline says: It really must be a pleasure
Ryan says: We men have been trying to keep the pleasure of urinating while standing a secret for thousands of years.
Ryan says: I wonder how you'd play the female version of the game. . .
Caroline says: Carefully
Ryan says: Oh, so now you're saying the male version is reckless?
Caroline says: Reckless Peeing!
Ryan says: Now THAT would make a great game.
March 31, 2008
Talk About toilet Paper
Over the weekend, I was sent out to purchase toilet paper, a substance which was dangerously depleted within the household: a couple more spins of a single roll were all that remained, which clearly is not enough.
As with any trip to purchase a single item, the shopping sojourn morphed into a multi-purchase experience. As I wandered the aisles, I realized we needed cat food, and then I realized we needed Diet Pepsi. All of which, of course, led to the uncomfortable experience of going through the checkout aisle with a 24 roll batch of toilet paper, a big bag of cat food and a 12-pack Diet Pepsi, which no doubt had the cashier wondering what I had planned for the weekend.
Whatever my weekend proclivities may have been, this post is about toilet paper or, more specifically, the marketing campaigns intended to sell toilet paper. As I perused the immense selection of hind-wipe, I was primarily struck by the images emblazoned upon the packaging.
Now, it's well-understood in the marketing world, if you want to sell your product, babies and puppies are the way to go. The human psyche, apparently, is unable to resist the purchasing allure of babies and puppies. If cigarette companies could somehow craft an ad campaign that featured babies and puppies smoking, with their arms/paws around each other's shoulders, you'd have 100 percent of Americans lighting up.
toilet paper companies are, apparently, well aware of the psychological draw of babies and puppies. Kleenex Cottonelle, for example, has gone down the puppy route, utilizing a yellow lab puppy that inexplicably has the voice of Zach Braff from the T.V. show "Scrubs." Even though puppies have no earthly reason to take an interest in toilet paper beyond being a chew toy, the Cottonelle puppy is unnaturally concerned about the cleanliness of the assorted behinds of its human overlords.
Angel Soft toilet paper, on the other hand, has decided a strategically-placed baby is the ticket to moving their product although, according to their Web site, they're not opposed to firing out a puppy of their own. Again, like puppies, babies don't have a particular burning need for toilet paper (at least not for a couple of years), so their affinity for toilet paper--and, if Angel Soft is to believed, babies like to be literally blanketed in the stuff--is a tad circumspect.
Perhaps most inexplicable of all is Charmin, which has been wistfully pining for the days of Mr. Whipple. Charmin has eschewed both babies and puppies and has opted, instead, for bears. Specifically, Charmin has opted for cartoon bears and, perhaps intent on capitalizing on the deep partisan divide in our country, they offer up a blue bear and a red bear--the red bear being "Ultra Strong" and the blue bear being "Ultra Soft." If the Charmin Web page is to be believed, both the red and blue bears truly like each other (although they seem somewhat suprised by the existence of the other), even though they're clearly divided.
Personally, I tend to opt for what's the least expensive when it comes to my toilet paper needs, so babies, puppies and bears are little more than silly distractions, as you can see. However, if I were to come up with my own toilet paper advertising campaign. . .
I'm thinking an image of Rodin's sculpture "The Thinker," except he's on a toilet, and above his head, in a thought balloon, would be a baby, a puppy and a bear cub, playing with a roll of toilet paper.
Hey, I'd buy a 24 roll package of THAT.
UPDATE: For no particular reason, I thought I'd share what it must be like to write a Nick Coleman column:
