I sometimes seriously find myself thinking that I was absolutely meant to live at this moment in time. Had I lived at any other moment in time, I would not have fit in. If I had lived in, say, the 1950s, I honestly don't think I would have even made it beyond high school.
I mean, from what I understand about the 1950s, everyone was supposed to be interested in cars, or so the movie "Grease" has conditioned me to believe. I don't know anything about cars. Nothing. Never been interested in them beyond being a mode of transportation.
If my car breaks down, I'll pop the hood, look at the engine for awhile, maybe check the battery connections, check the oil if I'm REALLY ambitious, and then I'll start to cry. That simply wouldn't have gone over well in the 1950s.
If I were growing up in the 1950s, and I was talking with Danny Zuko, he'd probably be all, like, "Check out my car, man. It's automatic! Systematic! Hyyydromatic!" And I'd probably be all, like, "It's okay, I guess, but what would be really cool is if there were some way for a television to project some sort of game that you can remotely control with some sort of. . . of. . . remote control." And then Danny would just kind of look at me like I was a total moron, and I'd have no chance whatsoever at scoring with Betty Rizzo. And that would pretty much be the end of my social life forever.
Similarly, I don't think I could have grown up in the 1960s, either. Because, my understanding of the 1960s is that it was about sex, drugs and rock & roll which, on its face, sounds pretty cool, but I tend to think it would have gotten old pretty fast. I would have woken up one morning on the shag carpet floor of some living room somewhere, surrounded by hippy friends all asking each other "So, what do you want to do today?"
"Sex?"
"I was thinking drugs, man."
"Isn't it time for some rock & roll?"
At which point I'd interject with something along the lines of: "You know, all that sounds interesting and all, particularly the sex which, I'll be honest, I've really enjoyed. But, and I'm just thinking out loud here, wouldn't it be really neat if there was a type of interface we could all sit in front of and have access to all manner of information, entertainment and instantaneous worldwide news and opinion, all while being able to interact and communicate with one another, as well as people around the globe in a kind of worldwide web?"
And then all my hippie friends would nod and agree that my thinking was really deep, and then Sebastian would strum his guitar, Coyote would pass around some sort of recreational drug, and Starbright would usher me into her bedroom, and from there my future would basically be shot.
All of which feeds my belief that I was meant to live in the "here and now," starting in 1975, rather than the "there and earlier" of some other bygone age. Although, from what I understand, the era starting around the year 2350 is supposed to be pretty cool, too. Oh well.
Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker. Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker. Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker.
Ryan says: I know way too much about nothing.
Jody says: but it does come in handy though
Ryan says: Coming in handy and making me money are two totally different things.
Jody says: well, maybe that is your calling...Ask Jeezes
Jody says: Jeeves
Ryan says: Jeezes was Jesus's lesser known brother.
Jody says: LOL
Ryan says: He tried to preach like Jesus, but everyone just assumed he was sneezing.
Ryan says: This makes no sense. Even the intranet IBM internal sites are down. Yet MSN and e-mail work.
Evelyn says: yeah
Ryan says: This is very odd.
Ryan says: If I didn't know any better, I'd think somebody hacked something within IBM.
Evelyn says: It's not impossible.
Ryan says: This is rather hindering, isn't it?
Evelyn says: Yeah, I must admit that it is.
Ryan says: I'm working on the Storage article, and I'll come across a term I'm not sure of and think "I'll Google it."
Ryan says: Think again.
Evelyn says: Yeah, I'm trying to do my December distro list, but I can't get to BluePages.
Ryan says: Very unusual for the IntrAnet to be down.
Evelyn says: yeah it is
Ryan says: A bad omen it is. Time for the lamb's blood above the door.
Evelyn says: I'm sure it's the end of the world as we know it, to quote REM.
Ryan says: Isn't that kind of redundant?
Ryan says: If the world ends, in any way at all, don't you think it would be understood as the end of the world as we know it?
Evelyn says: I guess so.
Ryan says: Then again, singing "It's the end of the world as we thought it was" doesn't have the same ring to it.
Evelyn says: No, not really
Ryan says: *REM on* It's the point of demarcation for what we previously understood to be the reality of the geo-cultural norm. *REM off*
Ryan says: Boy, I'm annoying when the Internet's down.
Evelyn says: Yeah
I've never been in debt. Okay, that's not entirely true. Yes, I've been in the kind of debt where I had to make car payments, and I'm currently in the kind of debt that says I have to make house payments.
I've never been in credit card debt, however. Truth be told, I've never even owned a credit card. I don't trust them. I've been conditioned not to trust them thanks to many years of living with college roommates.
Most of my college roommates had this weird outlook on credit cards. Basically, they thought credit cards were magical pieces of plastic that just magically paid for things and that they were somehow immune from the the ensuing debt that came about due to excessive credit card spending.
I'll admit it: I was sort of jealous of my roommates and their magical credit cards. After all, they always seemed to have money and, if they didn't, they just whipped out their credit cards. Books? Put them on the credit card. Food? Put it on the credit card. Night out at a strip club? credit card.
And yet there I was writing checks and budgeting like a fool. I remember thinking that I was doing everything all wrong. I mean, there I would sit, meticulously lording over my finances, while my roommates went waltzing all over town swiping their credit cards with the careless glee of a six-year-old with a loaded pistol.
Then, one year, I was a roommate with a guy named Chad. Chad was actually a former high school classmate of mine. He was, and is, a tech-head. He's one of those guys who was born to know technology. Way back in elementary school, he taught me how to write simple programs for the Apple IIc, and he always just seemed to know everything about computers.
But he didn't know shit about personal finances. He whipped out any one of his many credit cards with the swiftness and ease of a Old West gunslinger. By the time we became roommates, he had already accrued over $10,000 in credit card debt.
I remember thinking what an incredibly large amount of money that seemed to be, especially when I factored in the understanding that he also received financial aid, and that he also worked. Granted, he worked at the local Brach's candy factory on the Gummi Bear line, which paid about as well as you might imagine, but it was still money, so I came to the conclusion that old Chad was a pretty carefree spender.
Well, one day, I popped into Chad's outrageously messy room where I noticed, tucked between two huge bags of pilfered defective Gummi Bears, a credit card notice that was slugged "Urgent!" and another that was slugged "Immediate Payment Required" and still another that read "We Break Fingers And Toes."
Then the calls started coming in, usually two or three a day. "Is Mr. Haugen available? We really need to speak with him." No, he's not here. "Are you sure you're not really Mr. Haugen?" Yes, I'm sure. "Well, when he comes in, have him call Mike at Discover immediately." *sound of shotgun cocking* Will do.
Chad was masterful when it came to avoiding creditors. He always seemed to leave the apartment just two or three minutes before a creditor called. It was like he had some sort of sixth sense. Which was all fine and dandy, except that I ended up being the intermediary between Chad and the creditors, so I got to absorb all the impatient anger and suspicion of basically every credit card company on the planet.
It was the day a creditor appeared, in person, at our doorstep that I realized Chad's debt situation was probably more dire than Chad cared to admit. There was a knock at the door, I answered, and a gentleman in a suit that looked both impressive and threatening stood before me. He asked to see a Mr. Chad Haugen, at which point I heard a little scuffling emanating from Chad's room as Chad scurried out the back entrance which, conveniently, was located at the far end of his bedroom.
We chatted together, the ominous creditor and me, for about an hour, waiting for Chad to get home, even though, of course, there was no way in holy hell Chad was going to make an appearance while that guy was in our apartment. I even had to produce my ID, so the creditor was satisfied that I wasn't, in fact, Chad Haugen.
After that, I believe, Chad ended up getting a loan from his parents, or somebody, so he could pay off his credit card debt at least enough to keep the creditors at bay. He eventually got a job working at IBM, which was a long-assed commute from Winona to Rochester, but paid a whole lot more than the Gummi Bear line.
As for me, Chad's experience with credit cards pretty much scared me away from plastic for good.
Drilling
I came into work this morning, and I could have sworn on my grandma's panties that my office was having invisible drilling work being conducted on it. An omnipresent buzzing sound was echoing all around. I walked around the building to try and find the source of this distracting noise, including going upstairs to investigate. I found nothing. Nada. Zilch.
Around 11 a.m., the noise stopped. BUT IT'S BACK! AND I CAN'T CONCENTRATE! AND I JUST HAD THIS CONVERSATION WITH MY BOSS VIA MSN!
Doug says: What really happens in bldg. 107, I wonder... God I hate it here.
Ryan says: It really has been the most distracting, annoying place we've been plopped.
Ryan says: Plus, I had two years upstairs with the ITSO to add to my resentment.
Ryan says: Decent parking though, so there's that.
Doug says: Sure. Hell sandwiched between good parking.
Ryan says: What a great slogan. IBM: Hell Sandwiched Between Good Parking.
Ryan says: Make the drilling stop, Caroline. Please.
Caroline says: I wish I could. I just walked down the hall and I can't figure out where the noise is coming from. It sounds louder across the way, in the E hallway
Ryan says: Really?
Caroline says: It did to me, anyway.
Ryan says: It's very loud in my office. Like, distractingly so.
Ryan says: Keeping in mind, of course, that I'm easily distra. . . Hey, a penny!
Gwen Stefani is now officially annoying the hell out of me right now. I mean, please, world, there are other musical artists out there you know.
Did I mention that Rochester radio stations suck the big one?
But, Gwen Stefani is all right to look at. Gwen Stefani. Gwen Stefani. Gwen Stefani. Gwen Stefani. Gwen Stefani. Gwen Stefani. Gwen Stefani.
