Rambling Rhodes

It Occurs To Me. . .

I didn't form much of an opinion regarding the whole Terri Schiavo thing. There were pretty strong arguments being made by both the parents and the husband. The pain on both sides must have been pretty real, and the only person who could settle the argument was left staring blankly into whatever world was left to her. I do think the federal government shouldn't have gotten involved, but it tends to do that it seems.

That said, I'm peeking around different sites that have far stronger opinions than I do, and what I'm consistently seeing from people who sided with the husband and the removal of the feeding tube is an almost tunnel vision devotion to science and medicine. The medical community says she had half the brain mass of a normal human being, ergo she was braindead, braindead BRAINDEAD dammit! A persistent vegetative state (PVS)!!

Don't get me wrong, I love science and medicine. I think we've made remarkable progress in both fields, and more breakthroughs occur practically on a daily basis. Thing is, science and medicine have, throughout history, repeatedly corrected themselves. It was once concretely believed, for example, that an item twice the size of another item, would fall twice as fast. That was established scientific doctrine for generations, until Newton came along and said "no, they fall at the same rate, as per the physics of earth's gravitational constant." As for medicine, bloodletting and leaches were common practice, until they were abandoned as foolish medical nonsense. And now, both practices are being reconsidered as actually useful in some cases.

So, here I find myself agreeing that, yes, the autopsy certainly makes a solid case that Schiavo was likely blind and in a PVS. And yet, there's a part of me that can't shake the feeling that, ten years from now, the medical community could discover that people in Terri's condition actually escape into another, undamaged area of their mind in a sort of alternative reality that we "normal" people simply can never understand. Just as Newton discovered that an item half the size of another item falls to earth just as fast, so too it could be discovered that a brain half the size of a normal brain still functions just as well, just in different ways.

I get thinking along these lines a lot. Scientific discovery amazes me on a daily basis. The fact we have two Mars rovers still toddling along on the Martian surface well beyond their life expectancy is fascinating to me. The way science and technology are reshaping our understanding of the universe is humbling, to be honest.

But they're also perpetually self-correcting. Dinosaurs were reptiles. No, wait, they were birds. No, wait, there's a new explanation. Now, potato chips cause cancer, and Yahoo.com/s/nm/20050617/hl_nm/acne_heart_dc;_ylt=ArUjyKnR5CIT61ewnE3hOFOs0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTA2bXJyZDI0BHNlYwNobA--">acne's good for the heart.

I absolutely believe that Darwin's evolutionary theory is correct. Yet I also believe that spontaneous and explosive evolutionary processes probably factor in there as well, because science still has yet to adequately explain how human beings developed such monumental obscenely large brains in such a relatively short period of time. I'm sure it will be explained expertly somewhere down the line, but for now it's still up to conjecture.

The same thoughts come to mind practically any time a popular phrase comes up on the news or in conversation. People often cite with absolute certainty the phenomenon of global warming. And I admit, the evidence certainly seems to support the theory of global warming. But, then I find myself self-correcting by thinking "who the hell are we to know what's going on with such absolute certainty? Perhaps this is all a natural process. Maybe it's a combination of natural processes AND human activity. Who really fucking knows? Maybe global warming is the result of aliens teraforming our planet for their own habitation."

Anyway, all this is just me rambling incoherently about something that slithers through my mind once in awhile. None of which seems to make much difference, and Terri Schiavo is still dead, and the band plays on.

Crap On The Carpet Funny (COTCF)

I don't know how familiar any of you are with Fark. I'm not a member because, well, I try to keep away from Internet memberships that require payment. Thankfully, you can still troll Fark just for the surprisingly timely news items and laugh out loud commentary. And their links to a nude Karen Dejo.

But, it's the PhotoShop contests that keep me coming back for more, and today they have a doozy in the works. The theme for the PS contest? "Worst possible spokesperson for common products" Go now. Laugh. Out loud. Jeez, it's worth it for the Sony one alone.

WARNING: This PhotoShop contest goes beyond bad taste with some of the entries. Which, of course, is why I think it's so funny, I suppose.

UPDATE: Here's one example of the hilarity that went on during that PhotoShop contest:

Updating The Resume

Last week, I realized that maybe, just maybe, there are jobs in the world other than the one I currently work at. Such realizations occur occasionally, usually after a particularly bad day on the job.

Thing is, I'm a rut living kind of guy. I'm an expert when it comes to living in a rut. Not a rut goes by that I don't consider living in. You ever notice that if you type the word "rut" enough times, it starts to lose its meaning? I need a quick refresher course. . .

Rut. Noun. An annually recurring condition or period of sexual excitement and reproductive activity in male deer.

Whoops. Wrong rut. Rut roh! This is not the rut I'm looking for. Okay, here's the real rut:

Rut. Noun. A fixed, usually boring routine.

Realizing that I may be a bit too immersed in a rut when it comes to my employment, I decided to dust off and update the old resume. It had been awhile since I last accessed the "My Resume" file on my computer; over three years ago, in fact. So, some serious updating was required.

Crafting a resume really is an art form. You're given about one page to explain why you're good at something. What's more, you have to write it in such a way that someone else will read it and reach the conclusion that you're possibly the best person to fill an employment position. In other words, you have to lie, or at least bend the truth so incredibly far, it forms a circle.

I remember way back when I first wrote my resume. I was fresh out of college and eager to land a journalism job of some sort. ANY SORT. The problem, of course, was that I didn't have much in the way of journalism experience. Somehow, listing three years as a meat department employee didn't seem like the kind of job experience a major newspaper or magazine was looking for.

So, I was basically left with no other choice but to approach my resume as an exercise in creative writing. For example, writing for the little-known campus newspaper became "I coordinated with and interviewed various university officials to provide news and information to the students and faculty of Winona State University by writing for the campus quarterly publication known as 'Bravura.'"

In addition to exaggerating what little actual journalism experience I had, I also found myself plugging in details that looked somewhat impressive on paper, but in actuality were fairly mundane. I found that overstating my experience with computers, in particular, made for good resume fodder.

Keep in mind that I graduated in 1998, so I was able to get away with such claims as: "I have extensive experience working with Microsoft Windows 95, as well as such applications as Microsoft Works and Outlook Express. Additionally, I'm well versed in working on Macintosh computers, and am proficient with the desktop publishing application QuarkXpress."

Where I had the most creative leeway, however, was under the open-ended resume heading that I conjured called "My Abilities." Granted, nowadays, after seven years of actual work experience, I have no need for a "My Abilities" section, but back in 1998, it was a crucial area in which I could write about myself.

"My Abilities" included "Being able to meet tight deadlines and work effortlessly in high stress environments while working well with others to produce high quality written content." Of course, none of that was true. I work horribly with others, and I deal with stress about as well as a postal worker with a concealed semi-automatic weapon. And I don't think I've ever produced quality written content. But, still, it filled space and made me sound like a good candidate, so that was all that mattered.

Finally, after four months of sending out my resume for every writing position I could find, I landed my first post-college journalism position at a newspaper that actually took my resume seriously, the Stewartville Star.

Those suckers.

*Sideshow Bob Shudder*

I just accidently ran across this picture. It horrifies me on several levels.

Yes, the girl died.

Attention, Minnesota Readers

Vote for the Minnesota quarter, if you'd be so kind.

Personally, I like the Minnesota quarter. Except for the outline of the state hovering over the water like some sort of monolith. I mean, come on, if you don't know what Minnesota looks like, consult a fucking map. I realize we have 10,000+ lakes. Apparently, that's out defining characteristic. It just seems they could have called out that bit of geographical identity through a different means. That hovering state outline kind of kills the overall tranquility of the rest of the design. Anyhooooo. . .

That said, the Colorado quarter has its own drawbacks. Namely, the slogan "Colorful Colorado" is kind of a braindead stupid claim to make on the back of a freakin' SILVER quarter. Just sayin'.