Within the next few weeks, my girlfriend will have officially moved in with me. I have mixed feelings on this, by which I mean I'm not looking forward to it much at all. But, like a car stalled on train tracks, with a train just a block away and closing fast, there's not much I can do about it.
Much of her stuff has already been moved in. Many of her pictures and paintings now adorn the walls, lamps chosen for aesthetics rather than pragmatism have replaced the $10 K-Mart floor lamps I bought last year. Not that I'm bitter or anything.
It's just that I'm not much on cozy decorations and things. I'm indifferent to bare walls, and I certainly see no reason in the world to hang plants indoors. I mean, all I have to do is look out the window, where there are hundreds, if not thousands of plants that are doing just fine, and I don't even have to water them or anything.
But, it seems to make her happy to decorate my house, and I guees so long as she's happy, she won't bother me while I play my video games. It seems like a pretty fair trade, I guess.
Still, there are indications that having her under the same roof will bring with it a certain amount of domestic tension.
For example, last weekend, Saturday morning, we were awoken by the sounds of my two cats making unusual noises in the living room. One thing about owning cats is that you become attuned to common cats noises and uncommon ones. These were uncommon noises, so my girlfriend got up to investigate. For my part, since it was 8 a.m., I was under my strict personal policy of not getting out of bed on a weekend until at least 11 a.m., unless there's a fire or tornado, and even then there's a good chance I won't get out of bed.
"AHHHH!" screamed Mel from the living room.
"What?!" I yelled back, concerned, but not concerned enough to get of bed.
"Bad kitties!" she screamed.
"What?!" came my response.
"I can't believe you bad kitties!"
"What?!"
"I hate you kitties!"
"What?!"
"Stop saying what!"
"What?!"
"Come out here, if you want to know what!"
"It's 8 a.m., so no way! What?!"
"The kitties knocked over my twig!"
Now, there are times when you can't possibly imagine you heard someone correctly. Sometimes, a person may mumble something that has to be repeated, or maybe an accent is thick enough to make for problematic conversation. But, I was almost 100 percent certain she had said "the kitties knocked over my twig." But, that couldn't be right. That just makes no sense.
"They ruined my twig! All the berries fell off!" came a mournful wail from the living room. "Ooh, I just want to kill those kitties!"
After a brief cooling down period, my girlfriend returned to the bedroom, and told me all about her beloved twig with the dried berries that she's been carefully keeping for over five years. It was a twig she put high up atop a coatrack, presumably out of reach of the cats. She presumed wrong.
As a guy, the concept of falling in love with a branch just never had really occurred to me. But, she was obviously distraught, so I could only presume she paid a significant amount of money for her twig. She informed me that she acquired the branch as part of a package of goods, goods that cost her a grand total of $20, including the branch.
It was at that point that I started laughing uncontrollably, which didn't go over too well with my girlfriend.
So, yeah, this moving in thing. . . it should be interesting.
I'm consistently fascinated by the things that pop up on that Google ad over on the right. I'm certainly not fascinated by the revenue it generates which, if you're curious how much I've accrued since January: $5.25. Still, the things that get advertised I occasionally find amusing.
An Ad for online Bibles, for example. For some reason, I find that funny.
Joshua Norton, if you don't already know, can be a bit of an asshole when the mood strikes him, and it strikes him often, believe me. However, through the amazing medium of Internet blogs, and despite all established rules of normal social engagement, I've taken to thinking of him as a friend. No one was more surprised by that development than myself.
Anyway, I was sitting here pondering the bizarre nature of blog-inspired friendships, and I suddenly remembered the exact moment I decided that Josh, though a perpetual ass, could be one of the funniest people on the planet.
It was back during the Plain Layne days, and the comment discussions that could go on into infinity. Josh made a point, only to have another commenter, named Bob, rip on Joshua's reading proclivities. Joshua's response was one of the most thoroughly annihilating take downs I have ever read. The pisser is, since you can't find the Plain Layne archives any more, I have to restate my favorite bit here from memory, which isn't perfect:
So, you go back to reading Juggs, or Watch Tower, or whatever other literary Doritos you use to keep your malnourished critical thinking skills gasping along.
Bob never commented ever again on anything "Layne" ever wrote.
I'm sure everyone has heard about this, but the key quote just had me laughing out loud:
"It was quite long and popped its head up. I've seen snakes on TV before but never in a box of cereal," he told the Daily Mail newspaper.
Via.
Just curious here, but why is the City Pages handing out awards for 2005? It's MAY. We're not even halfway through the year yet.
On the other hand, at least they're handing out awards in the appropriate categories.
Caroline says: Do you ever go into the bathroom here and you get pretty much hit in the face with a poop smell, and then you want to pee quickly and leave the room before anyone comes in and thinks you made the stink?
Ryan says: Usually, I am the one who makes the stink.
Caroline says: I figured.
Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker. Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker. Dark Knight. Heath Ledger. Batman. The Joker.
