Rambling Rhodes

Evolution

My girlfriend comes from a deeply religious background, and I mean deeply religious. I don't know what it is with me and dating women with deeply religious backgrounds, but it seems to be a trend. I think God may be sending these women my way because He know I need constant reminders that I'm kind of a loose cannon when it comes to religious belief.

Melissa's mother is so Protestant it should almost be illegal. If I had to imagine her having sex, I'm sure the scene would play out with her not enjoying herself in the least while doing her best to concentrate on the Bible on the shelf. She's a nice woman, overall, but she has no dreams or aspirations for herself. She's just living on autopilot, ignorant about so much stuff it's actually depressing.

Of course, Melissa's mom has a difficult time reconciling with the fact she married a man who, after three kids, decided he was, in fact, gay. It's fascinating to watch them together, really, during family gatherings. On the one hand, you have the mother, who lives life so tight and controlled and by the Bible, you'd think the mere suggestion of a naked person would make her head explode, while over there with old dad you have a guy who hosts pool parties on the weekends with many several men who get together to do things that would no doubt make Elton John blush.

Well, anyway, I'm getting off topic here.

Thanks to Melissa's ultra-Protestant mother, Mel was brought up in ultra-Protestant surrounding, right down to the ultra-Protestant school she went to that featured a class size of four, count them FOUR, students. Melissa endured this ultra-Protestant educational environment all the way up to her freshman year, at which point she was introduced to the reality of large public schools.

Now, I have no problem with teaching the Bible. I love the Bible. I have my own Bible. I spend a lot of time pondering religion and my place in it. It can be a mind-bending exercise to try and fit my knowledge of the world within the confines of my admittedly nebulous religious belief structure.

However, I do have a problem with teaching the Bible and only the Bible, which was what Melissa was taught during all of her most formative years. She's a smart girl. She attends interior design classes at the University of Minnesota and she routinely gets As and Bs. She took a logic class just last semester and breezed her way to a B. She's smart as a whip.

But, damnit, she can be so ignorant sometimes.

As a classic example, last weekend we were driving around Rochester, coming back from what has become a routine trip to Menards, and I started talking about evolution. The conversation started, I think, when I mentioned that the glaciers that dominated most of Minnesota during the last ice age missed much of Southeastern Minnesota, hence the hills and valleys. Then I mentioned that most of Minnesota, after the glaciers, was a lake that eventually gave way to the 10,000+ lakes of today. And then I went way far back and started talking about fossils. Yeah, I'm a boring fucker like that. Anyway, the talk about fossils eventually got me talking about evolution and how it's believed that all life started in the premordial soup of the ancient oceans.

"I don't believe that," said Mel, matter-of-factly.

"Oh, right. I suppose you believe in Creationism," I said.

"No, it's not that. Well, it's kinda that. I don't believe in strict Creationism. I mean, I believe that God created the world in seven days, but I think, to God, a day could be a million years or more," she explained, and I was surprised to hear her say it.

"Ah, The Scopes Monkey Trial reasoning," I said.

"What?"

"Never mind."

"I think Creationism can fit pretty nicely alongside evolution," she said.

"I totally agree."

"But," she continued. "I don't believe that all life originated in the sea and I don't believe man evolved from monkies."

"Well, how do you explain why our cells have the same salt or saline content as the oceans?"

"Coincidence."

"fucking coincidence?"

"No, just coincidence."

"Argh! Okay, well, how do you explain pre-hominid fossilized skulls going back millions of years?" I asked, changing the subject.

"What's a pre-hominid?"

"Pre-human. How do you explain all the fossilized skulls and bones that clearly point to an evolutionary development to moden day human?"

"Oh. Well, they were monkies."

"What?"

"Well, they weren't humans, right?"

"Well, no, they weren't, but they were becoming humans," I said, thinking I was pointing out the obvious.

"But, they weren't humans. We're humans. They weren't. That seems pretty simple."

"But they became humans!"

"No they didn't. I don't see any evidence for that. You're talking about monkey skulls that clearly didn't have the brain capacity we do."

"THEY EVOLVED!"

"Well, isn't that just fucking convenient?"

"ARGH! Look, do you think human beings are going to look like we do in, say, eight million years? I mean, provided we don't eradicate ourselves tomorrow in a nuclear holocaust. Seriously, what do you think you'll be in eight million years?"

Looking disinterestedly out the window, she answered:

"A very incredibly dead interior designer."

Homer, The Media, And Iraq

Media: Absorb this information on Iraq, but beware that you may not be getting the whole story.

Homer: Ooh, that's bad.

Media: But our stated purpose is to inform people.

Homer: That's good!

Media: The Iraq war has disolved into an ominous quagmire with no apparent exit strategy.

Homer: That's bad.

Media: But Saddam and his torturous, oppressive regime and the Ba'ath party have been deposed.

Homer: That's good!

Media: But no weapons of mass destruction have been found.

Homer: That's bad.

Media: But Iraq is acting as a theater that attracts terrorists and keeps them from threatening U.S. soil and has resulted in a decrease in terrorism worldwide.

Homer: That's good!

Media: But U.S. soldiers have been abusing prisoners.

Homer: That's bad.

Media: But U.S. soldiers and contractors have been rebuilding Iraq's infrastructure, including schools and water treatment plants across the country.

Homer: That's good!

Media: But the religious tensions between Shia and Sunni Moslems has given rise to a radical cleric named al Sadr who encourages anti-U.S. uprisings in such places as Falluja.

Homer: That's bad.

Media: But most of the country is moving on peacefully and embracing the post-Saddam environment.

Homer: That's good!

Media: But this is an election year, with the presidency on the line, so everything you read will be slanted more and more towards opposing political viewpoints and the personal opinions and agendas of those of us in the media will continue to color the tone and message of supposed news and Iraq will become even more of a political football.

Homer: . . .

Media: That's bad.

Homer: Can I go now?

YEAAARGH!! *meow*

Yeah, I know Dean's all finished, but I just saw this in the The Fabulous Mint 400 archives and I laughed out loud:

Shit but that's funny!

Forex?

Am I the only person who keeps getting these e-mails about Forex trading, or are you constantly cleaning your site comment threads thanks to Forex trading spam bots? Do you even know what Forex trading is? Is it some form of activity wherein you swap your ex- with someone else's ex-? Forex trading! Start dating somebody else's ex- today! For you! Forex! For everyone! Forex forever! Or something.

So, anyway, seeing as how my e-mail is practically choked with Forex trading offers, and my comment engine is being spammed out of existence with Forex trading links, I figured I should maybe learn something about this mysterious force known as Forex and Forex trading. To Wikipedia!

The foreign exchange (currency or Forex or FX) market exists wherever one currency is traded for another. It is by far the largest financial market in the world, and includes trading between large banks, central banks, currency speculators, multinational corporations, governments, and other financial markets and institutions. The average daily trade in the global forex and related markets currently is over US$ 3 trillion.

Ohhhhh, so Forex trading has to do with money. It all makes perfect sense, now. Okay, no it doesn't, but now I'm simply fascinated by Forex, which would make a great name for a children's book: "Fascinated by Forex."

But, seriously, that does explain why e-mail and comment spammers are so prolific about sending out Forex trading information. There's money to be made. Interesting. What else does wiki have to say?

Unlike a stock market, where all participants have access to the same prices, the Forex market is divided into levels of access. At the top is the inter-bank market, which is made up of the largest investment banking firms. Within the inter-bank market, spreads, which are the difference between the bid and ask prices, are razor sharp and usually unavailable, and not known to players outside the inner circle.

Okay, now I'm just getting bored with Forex. Forex trading has now run its full cycle and gone from Forex Fascination to Forex boredom. What's next? Forex suicide? I don't want to go there. That just sounds Forex awful.

So, anyway, yeah, Forex trading and the Forex market. Not something I'm all that interested in, so please, Forex">Forex spammers, please stop with all the Forex stuff, mmkay? I won't be Forex trading any time soon. I have no Forex plans. The Forex market is not something I want to explore further. Forex is not for me.

Forex. . . out.

Cable Woes

When I left the house this morning, two Charter technicians were trying to drill a hole in my wall, with a drill bit big enough to give a brontosaurus a tooth canal. I couldn't watch.

This was the third day I've had cable folks milling around my house. They come in, they poke around, and then they leave, telling me they need more time and tools to get cable up and running in my home. I'm thinking of making a bedroom for them, so they can rest up between their periods of accomplishing nothing.

The first day they arrived, Thursday last week, a solitary individual entered the house and, after 15 minutes, announced that my house was not up to code to allow cable. My home needed much updating before cable could be snaked through its innards. No problem. It would cost me nothing to have this done.

Unfortunately, the original cable guy was in no way prepared to do the job. Instead, he set up a time on Monday for two top of the line crack cable technicians (or was it two cable technicians on top of the line crack) to arrive and update my home. From 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. they labored, and then they announced they would have to come back the next day (today) because they didn't have the necessary tools on hand to complete their work. How could they not have the necessary tools on hand? There were two freakin' vans parked outside! What? Were they empty!!?

So, they assured me they would be at my house at 8 a.m. sharp, and that the work would only take an hour. At 8:50 a.m., they pulled up outside, and once again they entered the house as if it was an alien environment to them. I had to provide a flashlight, which you would think they'd at least have on hand, but no.

I sit here now, with the vision of two cable technicians randomly drilling holes in my freshly painted walls, waiting for one of them to call so I can leave work and inspect whatever it is they've done to my home.

You'd think cable installation would have improved somewhat in the past 30 years or so. You'd think.

Troy

Saw the movie Troy Saturday night and, man, what a wild fun ride that flick was. It was also incredibly depressing at times but, wow. . . just. . . wow.

I'm a sucker for Greek mythology, and I've read the Iliad and Odyssey several times each and, yeah, the movie condences the Iliad down considerably and plays with the story line and basically gives it the usual Hollywood treatment that no doubt would have Homer spinning in Hades.

But, WHO CARES!!

I didn't expect great acting, but, you know what? The acting was great. Peter O'Toole, obviously, was great. But, so was Brad Pitt, and so was everyone, really. And, the woman chosen to play Helen of Troy? Grroowwwlll! The movie, I think, would have suffered immesurably if the likes of Julia Roberts had been selected to play Helen.

But, it was the power of some of the scenes that struck me the most. This was not some sort of hack and slash glorification of an ancient war. Troy brought a level of humanity to the epic tale that I really didn't expect. When Hector said goodbye to his wife and child and father, knowing full well he was going to be overmatched by a blindingly angry Achilles, that was tough to watch. Follow that up with an incredible fight between Hector and Achilles, in which Achilles proves to be one badass Greek creation, even though he had proven it many times previously in the movie.

It was the scene between Priam and Achilles, with Priam begging for the body of his son that pretty much choked me right up. That was some powerful cinematic shit right there.

I'm not a movie critic, so this, in retrospect, reads pretty lame, but I've been thinking about the movie ever since I watched it, and I'm not sure why. The last time a movie left a impression like that on me was Schindler's List.