August 21, 2013

God in the Machine

Whilst changing Zoey's diaper this morning, the doorbell rang, sending Aiden into a rendition of "DAD! Door!" that would have made a barking rottweiler seem pleasant. I answered the door with Zoey clutched in the crook of my arm and Aiden peering between my legs, and was confronted by two older ladies, one of whom asked: "Do you have any questions about God you'd like answered?"

Wow. Now THERE'S a list I'd like to tackle, but not with two strange ladies camped on my stoop, thank you very much.

"Nothing comes to mind off the top of my head," I lied, impatiently.

"Could I read you a Bible passage I think you'd find enlightening?"

Keep in mind, I was standing there with a toddler in my arms and another one between my legs. You know, the PERFECT time for an impromptu Bible reading. Perhaps she could also enthrall me with a few chapters from "War and Peace" while she's at it.

"No, I really don't have the time."

"Oh, I understand. Perhaps you'll take this booklet that answers some common questions? There's a chapter about why God allows bad things to happen."

"OK, fine. Look, I have to go."

"BYE BYE!" said Zoey, while waving her hands, which summed up my thinking perfectly.

Now, I'm a relentlessly introverted guy, so interactions like this irritate me more than a naked roll through burning nettles. Typically, I don't even answer the door when strangers darken it, but I stupidly assumed two old ladies wouldn't turn out to be strident God botherers.

More generally, why can't people be allowed to discover and explore religion on their own terms? I mean, I have my own general framework when considering religious mysteries, and it's most certainly not going to be swayed in the least by two senior citizen females standing in my front door orating a Bible passage. Their apparent indifference to my impatient children making my life harried certainly didn't help matters any.

And, finally, why does this kind of thing never happen to my wife when she's watching the kids?

Posted by Ryan at August 21, 2013 02:44 PM | TrackBack

Maybe it does, and she just never tells you.

When I had nipple piercings I used to answer the door with no shirt. Never seemed to phase the UPS guy.

Posted by: Keith at August 22, 2013 11:40 AM
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