July 30, 2013

Declaration of Twitter

On July 9, 1776, George Washington—then commander of the Continental forces—read the Declaration of Independence aloud in front of a large New York audience. What’s not generally known about that address, however, was that many people in attendance were Tweeting the event as it unfolded.

GEORGE WASHINGTON (GW): When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

@FreedomLover1776: Man, that was a long sentence. Can’t he boil it down to 144 characters? #Declaration

@AtheistDude99: He just said “God.” I’m horribly offended by that. Couldn’t he have said Creator or something like that? #Declaration

GW: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

@AtheistDude99: That’s better, but I’m still strangely unfulfilled. #Declaration

@ConspiracyJoe: Did you hear that? George Washington believes in ALIENS! I TOLD YOU there are aliens! #Declaration

@MakeMoneyNow: You can make over $3,000 a day working from home with your own printing press! #Declaration

GW: That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

@GreatBritainForever67: He wants to overthrow the king! Is he insane? Long live George III! #Declaration

@AnthonyWeiner1776: There’s a hot young female over there. I’m going to send her an etching of my groin and see what happens. #Declaration

GW: Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.

@VocabularyNut56: Does anyone know what “shewn” means? And who is this “Prudence” woman? #Declaration

@BeiberFan2013: I can’t believe I have to wait another 230 years before Justin Beiber starts making headlines. That stinks. #Declaration

@AnthonyWiener1776: Boy, sending that groin etching sure didn’t pan out the way I was hoping. #Declaration

GW: But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

@GreatBritainForever67: There he goes again! I think he’s actually serious about this open rebellion thing! You can’t beat the royal army! Go Britain! #Declaration

@AnthonyWiener1776 Hey, there’s another good-looking female. I’ll try sending her a groin etching, too. This great idea can’t go wrong twice, can it? LOL! #Declaration

GW: Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States.

@FreedomLover1776: This Washington fellow sure does drone on, doesn’t he? I’m rapidly losing interest here. Can’t we just throw another Tea Party or something? #Declaration

@TwitterGuru79: Hey, who wants to do a flash mob in front of Wall Street? #Declaration

Posted by Ryan at July 30, 2013 03:49 PM | TrackBack
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