July 26, 2012

You verily did not build that

Letter sent from King George III of the United Kingdom and Ireland to United States President Thomas Jefferson on March 10, 1804.

To Mr. Thomas Jefferson,

I would like to extend congratulations to you on this most remarkable accomplishment marking the official transfer of what you're calling the "Louisiana Purchase," and I can quite imagine the pride you feel that accompanies the acquisition of such huge. . . tracts of land.

However, as I am king of your former colonial master nation, I feel I should remind you of something most crucial.

If your country has been successful, you didnít get there on your own. I'll say again, for unnecessary emphasis: you didnít get there on your own. Iím always tickled by countries who think, "well, it must be because we were just so smart." There are a lot of smart countries out there. "It must be because we worked harder than every other country." Let me admonish you as haughtily as is regally possible ó there are a whole bunch of hardworking countries out there.

If your country is successful, another country along the line gave you some help. There was a great preacher somewhere who convinced you to make a pilgrimage to the New World. Somebody helped to create the unbelievable American system that you have that allowed you to thrive. Somebody--the UNITED KINGDOM *hint, hint*--invested in roads and bridges. If youíve got a country ó you verily didnít build that. Some other country made that happen. Maritime travel and trade routes didnít get discovered on their own. His Majesty's fleet mapped and secured those routes so that all the colonies could travel and trade via those routes.

I'm just putting this out there for your consideration, and I would hope you'd show some due deference to the mother nation that made your little upstart country possible in the first place. If you don't, Great Britain very well may come knocking for a little respect in eight years or so.

Cordially and condescendingly yours,

King George III of the United Kingdom and Ireland

Posted by Ryan at July 26, 2012 09:32 AM | TrackBack

You're such a douche.

Posted by: Joshua at July 26, 2012 09:40 PM

I am. No argument there.

As are you.

Tipping my pinkie as we sip some tea together.

Glad to hear I've tipped your pique, and all that, pip pip.

Posted by: Ryan at July 26, 2012 10:32 PM
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