Rambling Rhodes

Begun, the Diaper Wars Have

Nowadays, I think about diapers A LOT. Even before babies entered my life, I probably thought about diapers more than an average person, but now that I have a one-year-old and a two-year-old in the house, it's safe to say diaper thoughts take up 75 percent of my day.

Of particular concern in our household is the best way to dispose of dirty diapers. You wouldn't think this would require much consideration, but when the kids are filling diapers back-and-forth like a disgusting game of fecal ping-pong, diapers tend to accumulate like magic. I'll notice two dirty diapers on the kitchen counter, for example, and my wife and I will have no recollection as to how they even got there. I've taken to blaming diaper elves, personally.

Lousy diaper elves.

Anyway, back in the days when we only had one child, we relied on a "Diaper Genie," which is basically a plastic tower that functions as a diaper garbage can. Despite its name, the Diaper Genie holds no magical properties and grants no wishes, even though I've wished it was empty several hundred times at least. Whatever its shortcomings, the Diaper Genie served as an acceptable diaper receptacle when we only had one child.

With two diaper-filling competitors in the house, we considered acquiring a second Diaper Genie, but instead my wife purchased a "Diaper Champ." What I liked about the Diaper Champ right away was that it made no false claims to any magical qualities, even though the "Champ" designation does imply some level of competitive advantage--as if it stands atop an awards podium made of diapers, with a golden diaper hanging from it via a lanyard.

The Diaper Genie and the Diaper Champ both have their strengths and weaknesses, which I suppose is the case with all diaper disposal solutions, at least until a "Diaper Ultra Overlord Dragon Slayer" is invented--which I'd totally buy, by the way, even if I didn't have children.

What I like about the Diaper Champ is that it can be loaded with simple garbage bags, as opposed to the Diaper Genie that requires special and fairly expensive Diaper Genie liners. The Diaper Champ also excels at preventing odor escapees due to its innovative up-and-down plunger diaper disposal design. The Diaper Genie, by comparison, issues forth a small vapor plume whenever I step on the foot pedal that opens the device's diaper maw. It's like a burp coming out of some vile creature that has a diet consisting entirely of raw sewage.

However, when it comes to emptying the devices, the Diaper Genie is far superior with its liner cut and tie system, which drastically reduces diaper stink. Emptying the Diaper Champ, by comparison, is like jamming my nose directly into a rhinoceros' buttocks. My two-year-old son loves watching me empty the Diaper Champ, because my loud retching and dry heaving amuses him to a rather disturbing degree.

Such is the diaper situation in our house at this time, and I see no end in sight, at least until my son successfully graduates from Potty Training University, or until I invent the "Diaper Ultra Overlord Dragon Slayer," which I'll equip with special darts specifically designed to target and kill those lousy diaper elves.

Posted by Ryan at July 23, 2012 10:50 AM | TrackBack