April 06, 2011

Love, Honor and Obey

The toughest thing about the last month (hopefully) of the NICU experience, is the strain on the concept of marriage.

"For better and for worse" and all that but, during the wedding, you're likely banking on the "for better," with no idea how "for worse" can be, and then "the worse" happens, way earlier than you expected and you're like "Seriously? WTF?"

The last three months have so far been awful, then terrible, then REALLY awful, then gradually better, then slightly better, then bad, then even more bad, then morbid, then better, then well. . . you get the idea. Hell, that was only the first two weeks.

And, as the "for worse" continually plays out in jarring and subtle ways, it exhausts you, and angers you and, if you're serious about what you agreed to on that day you were thinking "for better," it challenges you to meet "the worse" even though it punctures your heart repeatedly.

At this point in the NICU experience, I'm basically a single father with our son at home, and my wife is basically a single mother with our daughter in the hospital--it would be different if I could somehow breastfeed, but that's not really possible. *checking* Nope, not possible.

In between, my wife and I are practically strangers with tenuous tendrils keeping us together. But, we have reminders, here and there, in unexpected situations, reminding us what brought us together.

Love is tenacious that way.

Meanwhile, we're running on fumes, both mental and physical. Once Zoey is finally home, it will be a new set of challenges, but for right now those future challenges don't seem as daunting, somehow.

Posted by Ryan at April 6, 2011 10:06 PM | TrackBack

I worry that it will get worse for awhile only because it's so much change in such a little time, and you haven't even been able to grieve, or celebrate, or even have a moment to think because you've been too busy being worried. I know that it may sound foolish, but maybe a weekend away (or even at home, with Aiden at a gramma's) to reconnect before Zoey comes home? While she's being taken care of and you don't have to worry? Just a thought.

Posted by: Donna at April 9, 2011 03:28 AM
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