Rambling Rhodes

The Forgotten

It's somewhat astonishing how much of the last three months I don't really remember. When I go back to some of my earliest blog posts detailing the first days and weeks of our preemie drama, I'm stuck by how many times I think "Oh, yeah, I'd forgotten about that."

So, I'm definitely happy I was able to find it within me to sit down and write as much as I have. As painful as it all can be to read and remember, it would be worse to not remember at all.

Despite how much I've written, there were certain details I neglected to write down, because they seemed somehow inconsequential at a time when all the big developments just commanded more attention. Still, the lack of a complete record bothers me sometimes, because I remember small snippets that flash through my mind like dream fragments.

For example, I remember riding in a car with my parents, who had flown back from their trip to Arizona when they learned of the twins' preemie delivery. However, while I remember riding in the car, I can't remember where I was sitting, or even what car I was in--my wife's car, or my parents' rental? I remember we were driving downtown, but I can't remember why. It's just this odd little memory that exists but it doesn't.

Shifting gears. . .

Zoey's finally starting to fight back from the effects of the ROP eye procedure and anesthesia, and she could make the transition from CPAP back to high flow air cannula late tonight or early tomorrow morning. She obviously hates the CPAP with the white hot intensity of a hyper-nova star explosion. She pulls the CPAP nasal prongs out of her nose all the time and it drives the nurses to distraction, so Zoey's not the only one eager to see her off the CPAP.

She's also back on feedings, so hopefully she'll start putting the weight back on in the leaps and bounds she was prior to the ROP treatment. The nurse told me the next big hurdle will be getting Zoey to breast feed, which can be quite a challenge for some preemies to grasp. I try to be optimistic that, in this area, Zoey will take on her father's enthusiasm for breasts.

This interminable winter is finally losing its grasp, and I saw my first robin of the season yesterday, so the onset of spring should help break some of the emotional and physical bleakness that's ruled our lives for these many weeks now.

Posted by Ryan at March 20, 2011 07:31 PM | TrackBack