Rambling Rhodes

It's Volcanic

The Roman god, Vulcan, has apparently been extra busy at his forge, according to practically every major news report filed by every news agency across the globe over the past couple weeks. Seriously, if you don't have at least some passing understanding about the recent volcanic activity in Iceland, you must be living in a particularly deep cave, with top-tier insulation and no cell phone or WiFi connectivity.

Leave it to Mother Nature to light the fuse on a moderately-sized volcano to underscore just how puny human emissions actually are by comparison. "You think YOU'RE capable of changing the climate? Check out WHAT I CAN DO!" Honestly, there's no reason for Mother Nature to show off like this, in my opinion. Okay, Mother Nature, we get it; you're better than us. Jeez.

Leaving aside the fact the volcanic activity has melted glacial ice, ground airplane traffic to a near standstill, and has blanketed wide swaths of Europe under choking ash, I think the news media is missing an even more important story here: that being the sheer number of people who have died trying to pronounce the name of the first volcano: Eyjafjalljokull.

Seriously, who names a volcano "Eyjafjalljokull?" It's like someone asked a three-year-old child to bang on a keyboard for five seconds, and the result was the name of the volcano. "Good job, little Timmy! You just named a volcano!"

As if to underscore how difficult it is to pronounce Eyjafjalljokull, another Icelandic volcano was reported to have started erupting this week, named "Hekla." Although the report was later deemed inaccurate, I suspect Iceland fabricated the story in an attempt to apologize for all the instances of "Eyjafjalljokull" appearing in news articles over the past couple of weeks and announced "Oh. There's ANOTHER volcano! This volcano is named. . . Hekla? How does Hekla sound? Better than Eyjafjalljokull, right?"

I could almost hear the collective sigh of relief expressed when the name of the second volcano was announced. Journalists worldwide were poised at their keyboards--which would all no doubt melt from the friction of repeatedly typing "Feyjdonallajoolakullafunill"--and they all started weeping with joy when they first heard "Hekla" reported, although some of the geekier reporters were probably secretly disappointed since they had a keyboard macro all set up for "Feyjdonallajoolakullafunill."

Now that I think about it further, Eyjafjalljokull would make a most excellent cuss word. Imagine accidentally whacking your thumb with a hammer--as opposed to intentionally doing so, I guess--and trying to yell out "Eyjafjalljokull!!" You'd probably snap a vocal cord. At the very least, you'd reconsider how much swearing you do.

Posted by Ryan at April 19, 2010 09:52 PM | TrackBack