January 21, 2010

Dick Talk

Ryan: Remember when we tried to watch them in your office and pissed off the curmudgeon next door?

Caroline: Ha! Yes. What a dickbag.

Ryan: Dickbag. . . Can you imagine your surprise if you discovered a bag full of dicks? Totally without any background or context.

Caroline: Would I really want background or context? I think that'd make it more disturbing. Like, is this a bag full of dicks that occurred out of happy circumstances or tragic circumstances?

Ryan: Just BAM you step outside and there's this bag on your doorstep, which you open and find it crammed full of severed dicks.

Caroline: Dick Crammed will be a character in our book.

Ryan: You'd probably immediately think "This is probably my husband's bag of dicks."

Caroline: "I'll just put it over here until he gets home from work."

Ryan: Probably would want to put it in the deep freeze or something.

Caroline: Probably. Next to the Vagbag.

Ryan: Oh, so now there's a Vagbag?

Caroline: Why can't there be? Is there some kind of law? Equality for all!

Ryan: A bag full of vaginas would at least be somewhat useful.

Caroline: Mmkay. Let's explore that thought. Sicko. A bag full of "severed" vaginas would be "useful" to you.

Ryan: You could use the vaginas as leg and wrist warmers. Maybe even a headband, if it's a larger severed vagina.

Caroline: That vagina gives good head ...band.

Ryan: But a bag full of dicks? Totally useless.

Caroline: Nonsense!

Ryan: Explain.

Caroline: You could use one as a door stop. Paperweight. Dog/cat toy
Fill that sucker up with catnip!

Ryan: A severed dick would be a terrible door stop.

Caroline: Maybe YOURS would.

Ryan: It would just get all smushed up under the door.

Caroline: Then it's not big enough.

Ryan: Wait. Are you talking erect severed dicks here?

Caroline: Sentences like that make me smile.

Ryan: Because I was thinking about a bag of flaccid severed dicks.

Caroline: how about a bag full of talking erect severed dicks

Ryan: Well, now you're just talking crazy talk.

Caroline: It can happen!

Ryan: What would a severed dick POSSIBLY have to talk about?

Caroline: I can imagine there'd be a lot to talk about. It's troubling being a severed dick.

Ryan: Troubling being a severed dick I can agree with. But wouldn't the dick just be beside itself because it discovered it could talk?

Caroline: Oh, it knew all along.

Ryan: Wait, maybe THAT'S why it got severed.

Caroline: Now we're getting to the bottom of this.

Ryan: I hear when you get to the bottom of a severed dick, you just pop out the other side. Like a worm hole.

Caroline: Peek-a-boo penis

Ryan: Getting back to something you said earlier: why does it have to be an "severed ERECT talking penis?"

Caroline: It just does. Flaccid ones are useless.

Ryan: I can see that argument. Anyway, what would a severed erect talking penis have to say?

Ryan: "Damnit, man, throw me into that Vagbag RIGHT NOW!"

Caroline: "Ouch," for one.

Ryan: It wouldn't say "Ouch," because it would have been removed from the host's nervous system. The former host would no doubt be saying ouch though.

Caroline: You went all nerd boy there.

Ryan: Just shooting for a little biological realism here.

Caroline: I think realism went out the window when this conversation started.

Posted by Ryan at January 21, 2010 08:24 PM | TrackBack

I love you guys sooo much, lol!

Posted by: Donna at January 28, 2010 03:14 PM

I figured you'd like this one, Donna. It was Caroline and me at our demented best.

Posted by: Ryan at January 28, 2010 04:17 PM
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