January 21, 2010

New Jobless Claims Rise, As Expected

Everyone knew this was coming, Labor Departments analysts say, shrug.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rhodes Media Services -- It came as no surprise to anyone outside of the national press that there was an increase in first-time claims for unemployment aid last week, with Labor Department analysts saying "Yep, what are you gonna do?"

With an almost steady stream of similar increases over the last several months, Americans have largely grown to expect this kind of news, while most news agencies continue to use terms like "unexpectedly," "surprisingly," "Wha?" and "Huh?" when reporting such increases, as if anyone is taking them seriously any more.

One Associated Press (AP) representative, who asked to remain anonymous, indicated they're even entertaining the possiblity of inventing new words and phrases to convey their faux-surprise when such increases are announced.

"We've kicked around some ideas," said the A.P. rep. "We've looked at such lead-ins as 'Rise in new jobless claims consterfabulated the experts,' and 'Analysts were boinkstonishified by the rise in new jobless claims.' We're basically throwing crap against the wall to see what sticks."

Joseph Turner, a 28-year-old unemployed construction worker, who was interviewed just prior to this blog post's deadline, took a much more realistic view of the situation.

"Of course new jobless claims rose," he said. "You'd have to be an idiot to be surprised by this kind of news. Look around. Jesus."

Posted by Ryan at January 21, 2010 12:04 PM | TrackBack
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